Happy 2010!!!

 

My Personal Random Thanks from 2009 (not in any particular order):

• Hubby


• My preggo sistah and the baby girl arriving in a few days!


• My mom and dad’s steady health


• My writing side jobs, however teensy (woohoo!!!) —and the income that afforded us some caprices


• A full-time job that I love and loves me back, I hope (I love it, luvet-luvetttttt!!!)


• Dancing in the hula show on May ‘09 (Halau Makana’s Annual Ho’ike — I miss you guys!!!)


• Dancing hula at the 4th of July Parade in Alameda. Mahalo, Kumu Lani!


• Manny Pacquiao winning over Cotto (I still can’t get over it!)


• My two CHANEL bags (yeah yeah, my only expensive whim! Lil miss Chanelophile fever — every woman’s gotta have somethin’, right?)


• The joys of painting with coffee and wine, will I ever be THE ORGANIC ARTIST? http://bistrodelarte.wordpress.com (In my dreams…)


• New found friends and newly made friends through the convenience of Facebook (seriously…)


• The 60 million parties that wore me down, but scored high on joy points!!!


• My crazy-as-me co-workers especially Monica who feeds me like there’s no tomorrow.  No, she deserves her own bullet, so here…


• Monica (HAHAHA)


• and all the Friday ham or sausage and cheese muffins and everything-in-there low sugar smoothies she’s made for me


• A mini-reunion seeing my dad’s brothers who visited from PI and the rest of the clan at cousin Joel’s place at Rancho Palos Verdes in November


• Amazon.com (just because!)


• Christmas Eve in our house with the family


• Thanksgiving at The Party Central


• My Crayola Glow Station!!!


• losing 2 pounds (yeah, that MUST count!)


• My parents’ Vonage phone


• My parents’ household staff


• Our trips to LA to visit my stepdaughter


• and the food trips on the side


• The Food Network


• Criminal Minds (CBS and re-runs at A&E)


• Michael Jackson, but I didn’t want him to die =(


• bowls of Chicken Macaroni soup on cold nights


• Bellagio Cherry Sipping Chocolate


• Kikkoman Soy Sauce (for my sushi) and the Kikkoman Company (because it’s a hand that feeds me)


• Walgreens


• Walmart


• A fab (eureka!) haircut chopping my unruly lengths off sometime in October — which reminds me, I need to go back to the salon already, like, yesterday.


• visits to the city (gotta luv SF!)


• My Kindle 2 (ooops, just practicing! I don’t have one yet hahaha) I wish, I wish…creating a vision of me holding one, using one and thanking for one! LOL


• Okay, the Kindle app on my iPhone


• and okay, my iPhone


• Hubby and his friend catering at their company picnic, barbecue galore


• and me winning the raffle at the picnic— iPod Nano!!!


• celebrating our 6th wedding anniversary


• celebrating it with Janice and John after bumping into them at church in Pinole (what joy!)


• some fun time with nephews and nieces


• SUMMER — all of it!!!


• Seeing my cousins who visited from PI, Spring of 09 — and them spending the night at our house


• Seeing my cousins who visited from LA, — and them spending the night at our house. Joy and fam from Sesame St.


• planning out my stepdaughter’s college plans with her mom and stepdad


• Rosales Cousins, Inc. and Party Central peeps


• our fresh Christmas tree and the photocards we received this year


• Milo, for keeping my parents company and watching over them (oh, he’s a dog, but he thinks he’s human)


• For the lives of the precious people who passed on in our family/families. I wish they could stay with us longer, but I’m grateful that they have lived good meaningful and beautiful lives


• being able to wean and pull away from coffee (not necessarily all things caffeinated, but yes, coffee!) at long last!!!


• Problem-free mammogram results sometime in July? (you have no idea what terrible things the anxiety did to me)


• my EeePC though it’s not necessarily the most perfect thing


• phone conversations with Daddy


• phone conversations with Mommy


• phone conversations with my stepdaughter Alyssa


• My sister being able to travel and visit my folks all the time


• Her loving and understanding hubby, RJ


• My other bro-in-law Roy who’s being such a good brother and buddy to hubby


• The joys of blogging


• Baby Amelia Grace


• Oil of Olay


• my everyday ocean views of the sunset


• my water jug at work


• the dental floss


• seeing my friend Reagan sing in a concert


• hubby’s cousin Peewee, the commercial flight pilot who brought things back and forth PI for me


• seeing my friends’ News Feed on Facebook and resting in the thought that they are doing well in their own lives


• Hubby, oh I said that already.

PLUS 60 MILLION OTHER THINGS I CAN THANK GOD FOR (GIVEN MORE TIME TO WRITE THIS).

LIFE IS GOOD, NO MATTER WHAT TRIALS WE GO THROUGH.

LIFE IS GOOD. PERIOD.

HAVE A GREAT 2010, Y’ALL. I WISH YOU GOOD THINGS. ONLY GOOD THINGS.

 

Pre-New Year's Eve Thoughts

 

Two days to go and I’m feeling a little blue. Don’t get me wrong! I’m excited for the coming year. But I think I’m having a little separation anxiety with 2009. Not that I’m not willing to move on. There are just some unfinished business which I feel should have been drawn to a close in 2009 at least and never to be carried through the coming of the new year. Hubby’s been having sleepless nights of late. And I mean, waking up in the middle of the night then dozing off only to be roused again at 1 or 2-ish by pained thoughts stirred by the wicked, nosy and malicious beeyatches going so cheap and low, exerting all efforts unearthing skeletons and what nots in order to obliterate blood ties on his side while grooming avaricious morons to further feed the vicious cycle of moronic tendencies vis-a-vis avarice and indolence.  Oops, I said the B and M words. I do not ever want to use those in my whole life because I’m a firm believer that they are very harsh words to brand some co-earthlings with. But apparently, these have risen from being just literary labels and mere products of my hyperactive imagination to real life characters owning up to the title. With bad taste seeping through every pore of their being. Well. I feel sorry for my amore. A few more miles and I’ll sue for mental anguish. Just kidding. I just want peace, period. Peace of mind. Peace for all. Tell me if I’m wrong, but I know for sure this peace I’m talking about doesn’t require straight A’s to pull off, eh?

Wisdom, please don’t skitter away into the cracks? Wisdom, please show yourself to those who need you most?

I remember promising I’ll never mention this ever again. But alas, the plot thickens! New things just keep sprouting like random bubbles in a swamp. Alligators and crocodiles under the deep murky waters. Boohoo!

Why…can’t…some…people…just…be…content…with…the…simple…joys…in…life?

So then we don’t end up stepping on each other’s toes or eating each other’s Trapezius fibers? I’m not a perfect soul and the last thing I want is to sound righteous. But it is ONLY common sense, right?

Getting that out before the New Year is good for me. And I am thankful for this opportunity to be able to do so. Har! Har! Probably about how low I must go. That way, I’m welcoming 2010 without the gnashing of teeth and a stomach feeling all knotted up. I wish the same for my beloved, and las antagonistas of the world...

On the bright side…

DO YOU REALIZE THAT IT’S GONNA BE A DECADE SINCE “Y2K”? Ten years since we feared the worst…computers crashing and the whole world crumbling down?

BUT 2010…WE’RE ALIVE! And Facebooking, Tweeting, blogging, iPoding, Kindling, PSPing, DSing, Wii-ing, PS3ing, blogging…facebooking (again)….

Nothing can put my good God down.  And to Thee I trust…

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO Y’ALL!

 

Holiday Rush...and the un...

I was thinking about it on my way to work.

This holiday season isn’t really as stressful and nerve-wracking as it had been for me the past recent years. Is it really less stressful? Or is it…as my dad told me once, that whenever I find myself treating every little difficult thing with ease, it’s not life getting easier, it is me that’s changing, evolving to a higher form and finally adapting. Because anything is possible, so he says, especially when it comes to cruising through and learning how to cope with the intricacies of life. Usually, it is one’s frame of mind that makes things difficult. When you open yourself up to the challenge and tackle it upclose, you master its weakness and then you emerge victorious. Maybe that’s the reason why this holiday rush is so easy peasy lemon squeezy for me this year. I think so.Compared to so many things that transpired this year, I tell you, the holiday rush is NOTHING. 2009: I've seen fire and I've seen rain (as the song goes). I’ve seen crazy, I’ve seen grief. I’ve seen disastrous, I’ve seen bleak. I’ve seen malevolent symphonies of figures dishing out more mental anguish than one could ever handle gracefully —and leaving you bald patches from a syndrome induced by your own understandable inability to tolerate some people’s IQ and EQ — or extreme lack thereof.

“Quod me non necat me fortiorem facit.”

That which does not kill me makes me stronger.

And that which doesn’t stress me out, makes EVERYONE happy! A-huh-ha, huh-ha!!! I just remembered two posts I wrote last year. From “Out of Whack” to “Whoosh!” if I can only find time to dig the individual links for these. The feelings are so different!!! I don’t see me writing about something “Out of Whack” anymore and I’m definitely trekking on cruise speed on the Un-whoosh!

Suffice it to say, I’m on top of things this year. I just got a final word that Christmas Eve dinner will be in our house, and instead of being rattled, we will be whistling through getting the China out (though I hope hubby washes them first), and putting the menu together. Hubby and I are always over the moon everytime his or my family gathers in our humble home. I hope to be able to fit everyone in our house since we are getting bigger in number — and individual sizes too?

What to serve? What to serve?

I’ll keep you posted!



I found the links to the stuff I wrote last year and in 2006/2007! I can't find "Out of Whack" -- maybe it was some other occasion, perhaps? But here are some. Just click on the titles. And 2007. I was straight up in Pluto back in 2007 -- so I had a post-Christmas one!

Whoosh! (12/22/08)

Holiday Stress (12/10/08)

Manigong Bagong Taon (12/28/07)

Holiday Rush (12/24/06)

I'm just glad things seem better this time!!!

28 in my heart...

I just celebrated my birthday. Here's a photo from my birthday dinner with hubby:


Almost a decade ago, I promised myself that I'll be 28 in my heart forever (a decade ago, *hint* *hint*) and I've been able to sail with it for a long time. Somehow, this year, as I evaluate my life, 28 just doesn't cut it anymore. Physically, I've noticed that I've become way older in the past couple of years. Is it my busy life that did it, or is it really just the biological clock hitting me on the face? I see the beginning traces of crow's feet, darker circles around my eyes, cellulite build-up here and there that screams sono bello services, hands which are....just not the hands I used to know. Throw in the intermittent health issues I've faced. Suddenly, I feel like I'm 37!

And it's because I am.

But with all the physical changes, I must say, comes the wisdom from experience. I wouldn't exchange that for anything. I'd like to believe that my soul has grown too. And I'm proud of that aspect of the maturity process.

Do I want to feel 28 (with that fresh outlook and youthful exuberance) in my heart still? Yes. A wise, seasoned, with a soul-beyond-her-years 28-year old. I'll wait til I'm 50. Then I'll refreeze at 35. Then at 70, I'll be 55. As long as I can act...and look the part.

Christmas Shopping - Part Deux

 

If you still don’t believe that heaven answers prayers, then can you explain why on my last three trips to the post office, the rude lady behind the middle counter who I always try to avoid — and seriously hope and pray that my turn doesn’t fall on her lap — hasn’t been there. And those weren’t consecutive days!  Pure luck, perhaps? As if by some cosmic phenomenon influenced by my supersonic allergic reaction to la rude, I had directly caused her disappearance. I can do that to you if you’re bad too, y’know. Just kidding. Is she sick? Not that I miss her. But I hope she’s okay…and has a job. Though I’m thankful that my past three trips had been a breeze. I’m done with all my Christmas mailings. Woot woot!

Next mission: Food.  Check. I enjoyed some nice quality time…a quiet date…with myself, at Burger King, where I stopped to collect myself, sasiate my hunger (of course, you’ll encounter a lot of these in my journal) with a 3-buck meal, and stare at my Christmas list rethinking my game plan. It wasn’t that profound really…I just had to figure out where to go next. And yes, thanks for the little window of quiet time. That made an ocean of difference in my current affairs.

Shopping for presents.  Check.  Now, I’m 98% done with my list. And I’m thankful for Tylenol, which was fundamental in tiding me over the entire shopping trip. I strutted around as if I wasn’t suffering from stiff neck, muscle spasms nor nerves that were going bonkers with a passion.  Hubby even visited me at the store on his way to an errand (he said he wanted to see me and eat with me perhaps but I’ve already eaten, oops too late) but he eventually got bored realizing his obvious lack of purpose and decided to go home — after I insinuated several times that he needed some rest too hahaha, I mean, I really felt so sorry seeing him pretend like a rock perched on a bench in the middle of the women’s section, but yes, I’m very thankful for the gesture!

My parents called to wish me happy birthday too (my birthday - Pinoy time). I’m really touched. I was passed on between mom-dad-mom-dad-mom-dad until they probably got bored with me. Just kidding. I really enjoyed talking to them. My shopping trip was put in pause mode, freezing the whole world if you know what I mean. I sat down — where hubby was pretending to be a rock earlier — with my shopping bags between my knees, next to my butt, strewn on the floor next to my worn-out go-go boots, with my humongous work purse hanging half-heartedly from my left shoulder, holding the phone to my ear with my left hand, clutching my shopping list and a fat pen with my right and tilting my head for no reason…and then, focused on my parents.  My blessings! Having them is the world’s greatest present in the world and I wouldn’t have it any other way. Have a different set, I mean.  My mom reminded me to thank God for my life and told me that they will be holding a simple yet special birthday lunch for me over there as they always do every year — PANCIIIIIT, yeah babeh… My dad, on the other hand, reminded me to have fun and keep the stress down, especially this holiday season. He specifically told me to sit down at Starbucks and just watch people, exactly like how he does it. Yes, Daddy, don’t worry. I’m a lot like you and I just did…at Burger King.

I wasn’t sure if the Tylenol started fizzling out or weariness from lugging those shopping bags around was just getting the better of me so I had to call it a night. 

I’m thankful that I was able to scratch off a lot of stuff from my TO DO list though.

Even if by the last hour, you could have caught me at my all-time-best spaced-out moment: I absent-mindedly lined up for the check-out counter of Old Navy behind three “what-the-heck-is-this-live-person-doing-next-to-us” immobile mannequins. No wonder “my” line wouldn’t budge for a while — duh!

My Gratitude Journal

 

 

I just started a Gratitude Journal.

You may check it out at http://marieclarisse.tumblr.com

I’m only on Day 4 and there isn’t much yet. But it’s amazing how by having a Gratitude Journal, you wake up in the morning and start your day already expecting good things to happen. It’s like you’re launched into the day with a mission to spot and recognize what’s good, no matter how stressful some days could be.

With last night’s Christmas shopping, I am thankful that I can finally feel the spirit of Christmas after being caught up in a flux of ultra-lows caused by I call them two-faced monsters posing as “good” and “wise” but are really out to breed “rapacious imbeciles” out of others…poor thang - pun unintended, and instigate the destruction of yet again, some others. And if that doesn’t sound grim enough, try that with the presence of a two-three-four-faced kiss-toosh whose loyalty is worse than any known polygon in the universe. Poor hubby. But I was raised not to wash dirty linen in public so that’s about everything I’m going to say. I’ll spare you the meandering gory and horrid, nerve-wracking and gut-wrenching details. There’s always a lot of reasons why people do things anyway. Maybe there are some reasons and information that I am just not aware of (so that makes me totally wrong about my feelings on this), OR maybe there are people who are really born that way, with murky souls meant to challenge peace at all times (then with that, I’ll be right about my feelings on this). Well, can’t choose familial affinities (to put that lightly). 

Story of our lives. This is the last time you’ll find me mentioning that.

I just needed that tiny dose of therapy which is a catalyst that brings me to this moment…thank you very much…where I’m officially upping my “gaming skills” to a higher level, and where I, as the main protagonist will be so over the Mushroom Kingdom, leaving flattened Goombas and Koopa Troopas retracting into their shells, surviving the main antagonist Bowser’s forces and so close to rescuing Princess Toadstool (Or Princess Peach — if you still don’t know what I ‘m talking about, then you haven’t played a single Super Mario game in your life, have you?). Despite the advent of PS3s and what nots, I’m still stuck to Mario and Luigi. I digress.

Hubby and I are floating along merrily down river bliss, minding our own affairs and celebrating joy in every little thing that happens.

Like being able to put up our own t-shirt business online — with a promise of more colorful designs and gizmos to come (I’m waiting for Santa Claus to give me that design software I’m wishing for), 

having my writing side job/s — the therapy that pays me (and buys my whims) hahaha,

that pair of tall salt and pepper grinder/shakers that hubby picked instead when I took him out shopping after I received my Christmas bonus and where I had actually expected him to go after outrageously pricey gun parts or some gizmos pertaining to a stereo surround sound system however the geek squad calls it…

Aaron, my co-worker who madly waves goodbye at me every afternoon at the parking lot, with a big smile on his face, and more than half of his huge body sticking out of his tiny car’s window (what a joy to see),

Monica making me a ham, cheese and egg muffin for breakfast this morning as she usually does on Fridays (even if the ham tasted kind of iffy today hahaha),

then my sister soon to give birth in less than a month,

and knowing that my parents are coming over for a visit in a few months! It’s about time to breathe some fresh air — pure, kind, selfless and loving souls, I mean.

I just want to wish everyone a very merry Christmas, holidays filled with love and cheer,

and peace, happiness and gratitude all throughout the coming year.

A Streak of Pleasant Surprises

Hubby and I bumped into one of my old friends from DLSU last night at St. Joseph's Church in Pinole.  We had a long day celebrating our anniversary.  We woke up late for the mass at our parish so we headed straight to Napa Valley to pick up our quarterly rare bottles from the Wine Society in Napa, then proceeded to the Vacaville outlets and I really didn't buy anything. I just wanted to take hubby shopping since I had my Christmas bonus from work last week -- where he ended up, of course, picking only a pair of tall Salt and Pepper Grinder/Shakers from Le Gourmet following a a short stay at Gucci.  Cute, isn't it.  Salt and Pepper from his wish list over a nice leather Gucci wallet. I'm still smiling. Then we didn't want to miss church altogether so we managed to Google a 5:30 pm mass in Pinole on our way back.  Hubby was expecting to bump into old friends from like the 80s who he believes still live in Pinole. Lo and behold, I was the one who bumped into an old friend from the Philippines, from the 90s! I'm just happy to see Janice and her hubby John, who ended up taking us out to a Japanese dinner for our anniversary. And then over at their place for some coffee, Tira Misu, some Christmas music, a warm fireplace, good conversations and a lot of laughter! They made us so happy indeed!

And today, I got a surprise Christmas/Thank you present from a co-worker I least expect anything from.  She said I was a joy to work with!  Thanks, Bobbie! Thanks for appreciating me! You made me so happy about what I do.

When I got home from work, I was able to view the video that my cousin in LA made for all of us cousins who are away from home -- the ancestral house that has witnessed our childhood, and contained the love that nurtured us through the years even until now despite the distance. I wish I can figure out how to share the video here from Facebook.

Such wonderful, big-hearted souls!

This streak of pleasant surprises now leave me with a streak of my own thanks....and thoughts...

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME I MADE

SOMEONE HAPPY?

 

 

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU MADE

SOMEONE HAPPY?

How Not to Burn A Building

NOTE(S) TO SELF:

Remember to unplug that Christmas LED lights series that you have pinned to the highly flammable material of your cubicle wall and strangled your cubicle plant on the other end with -- so you don't end up stressing on the second week to date everytime you reach home and onwards, wondering if your forgetfulness was going to make you end up an arsonist of some sort, setting your entire workplace on fire (all because you want your cube to twinkle in blue, green and purple during the holiday season) and then losing sleep because of an obssessive compulsive desire to dial your own extension at work every hour with the insanity peaking at around 3ish or 4ish in the morning just to check if it still rings (meaning there's a big chance that the building isn't in ashes just yet) and then rising too early to check on the news to make sure that they haven't done a feature on a big Christmaslights-related office fire where you work just yet, and then finally driving to work (too sleepy you'd start another day of forgetting to unplug the lights *and yes,the cycle feeds on itself*) while calling all the saints in heaven hoping NOT to find firetrucks with cute hot men hosing down your workplace when you pull up to the parking lot and praying hard that you won't get in trouble with the boss, the HR or your co-workers who arrive before you do, and who know you enough to religiously remind you every friggin' day to unplug the Christmas LED lights before you go home, which you end up forgetting anyway.

Now they will start wondering why your mobile will set off in a loud "old church bells alarm tone" inappropriately everyday at 4pm.

And don't forget to do the same to your own Christmas tree at home, so you don't end up displaying bizaare trance-like hypnotized behavior in a really super casual conversation all because you are stressing about the same thing -- but this time over your one and only home -- while visiting your in-laws (who, for all you know may have been just polite enough not to say a word about your empty stares nor pry further to find out that it only actually boils down to Christmas light issues). Like last night.

Just a lil note for myself.

'Nuff said.

Random Bullets

How is it possible that last night we couldn't find the garage door opener in my car and I found it inside my purse today -- when I haven't really driven that car for the past couple of days because hubby and I switched cars so I've been driving hubby's car and the last time I was in my car was when hubby was driving it on a trip to the grocery and I was in the passenger seat and didn't have my purse with me -- only my iPhone inside the pocket of my sweater, and we still remember closing the garage door with it.

*Twilight zone!*

Two months without that ever-proverbial cuppa Joe in the morning (and all day)! And I don't feel like I'm missing anything!

*Pat on the back*

One week of meals with no rice (except for that one darn super burrito with chicharrones).

*Another pat on the back*, a huge one!!!

I'm in dire need of a manicure.

I miss Mommy and Daddy to bits!!!!!!

Zero backlog at work.

Cooking Hiananese Chicken tonight? Hmmmmmmm......

I'm getting tired of FaceBook.

Can't wait to go home and play Bejeweled in our PS3. *new addiction*

and yeah,

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY, SESAME STREET!

Awwwww!

Got this email from hubby today. *-*

This is it!

Got any weekend plans? I don't! But I'm hoping to finally see This Is It the film. I'm been longing to see it but hubby's not totally sold yet.  Not because of Michael Jackson, but going to the movies per se.  He loves to stay at home and wait for things to come out on DVD. But I'm still gonna try my best, use my charm, twist his arm, take him by the ear hahaha, to be able to see this.  This is history. Don't you want to be part of it too? (Plus, er, well, uhm, yeah...I'm a fan too)

I'll be the first one to buy it when it comes out on DVD.  Meanwhile, I'd settle for CD.  

 

HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND, Y'ALL! And don't forget to BE IN THE MOMENT!!! 

Think about the This Is It film. While they were rehearsing, they were oblivious to the fact that it was going to be that ONE FINAL SHOW.

 

Life is not a dress rehearsal for

50 something shows in the

future. The present moment

while it happens could be IT!

Let's not throw it away!

Comic Relief

I just realized that greed, sloth and ignorance -- all of these put together in some human beings (add a dash of tattletales), can be one of the most ridiculously entertaining and laughable phenomena ever to occur in the history of mankind.

Bless these hearts!

I can't wait to sit back, relax and watch the circus. *popcorn, please!*

[Laugh] Trip Down Memory Lane

What things Facebook can do! What a laugh trip!!!

Okay, so somewhere back in time, I was with the Performing Arts Foundation - Philippines and last night, I happened to unearth some photos of some mall shows we did and shared them with my homies in FB. It's a chapter of my life that I sorta miss. I still dance and perform once in a while up to this day (despite gaining 20 million pounds), but mostly hula. Which reminds me...gotta get my arse back to the Halau Makana studio soon.

Go ahead and laugh til your sides hurt.

[CLICK ON THE PHOTO]

 

 

Philippians 4:13

This was my Facebook status yesterday:

"Maxed out self-declared 3day weekend: Rodeo Dr lunch w/ a friend (yey Saks5th!), dinner at Carino's,Aj's fieldshow(hot!),dinner w/ FAMILY fr Philippines at Palos Verdes (AWESOME),Buffalo Wild Wings brunch w/ J&P re: Aj's college,Charl's bday dinner at Northridge (Tnx, Claud!) + "dent-n-run" on hub's 330 at the hotel parking lot =( Capped by 11pm flat tire on I-5 (scary!) Worth it! God's good! Gotta get some Zzzs soon."

And so a friend commented that she'd be comatose if she did all those. And asked how I came out of it in one piece.

And so I added,"Philippians 4:13! So tired! I didn't even include the 2 mall trips in between the main stuff. Plus changing clothes (read: "hats") from being tourists in Rodeo Dr. hehe with a long talk exploring business ops with a multi-level marketing representative for beauty stuff (LOL) to devoted parents on the bleachers under the scorching SoCal sun to watch my stepdaughter (Aj) perform in the winterguard with the marching band on the field...from icky sweaty stinky to heels and makeup to see my uncles (dad's 3 brothers) who are vacationing from Philippines at a dinner party with my relatives, then racking our brains the morning after with Aj's mom and stepdad over yummy chicken wings and football while exploring her college options (and funding hehehe), then a birthday dinner for a friend in Northridge -- plus the blown up tire to cap the night. And now at work the morning after..."

And guess what, after work I even went to the grocery to buy fresh meat and vegetables, and I managed to pull off a Beef Curry dish plus some broccoli sauteed in oyster sauce for my hubby and some in-laws who were set to join us for dinner in our house.

 

"I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me."

Philippians 4:13.

Yup! Pretty much!

Starbucks

It's been a year since I wrote directly on this blogsite.  It has been copy-pasting madness since I came up with "Coffee, anyone?" which I intended for paid posts and ads. But in order to neutralize that blog's general tone, I ended up pouring more personal touches there allowing it to evolve into my main site, and with this site being thrown into the back burner, receiving posts -- copy-pasted posts! Poor thang.

It's a blessing in disguise that I am itching to blog and Coffee, anyone? is blocked by the firewall and I am not going to bang my head against it until I can go through (or break my skull, whichever comes first)...or climb over, whichever applies (though none of it really applies *bleh*).

Rustier than ever. I can't even get my words out now. Is it the colossal back pain that has been bothering me since last week? That's what I get for being rusty! I went back to hula class last wednesday after a two-month hiatus and so I managed to come home with the entire backache squad in tow. RUSTY! It's the worst I've had for a long time, radiating to my thighs with horrible pulling sensations they sure felt like rubberbands awaiting that one perfect snap. The good news is, as of this hour, it's been 1.5 days of life for me without Tylenoling.  A wonderful milestone indeed!

Right. I sold my soul to Tylenol for about 5 days. It's not a joke to be walking around, socializing, living your life 24/7 in pain. Even at night, I'd wake up, or rather, my back and legs would wake me up for the next dosing, which would buy me the other half of the night's sleep. I'm getting better now, thank you very much. And out of the dark before I got hooked deeper into it. LOL. And thanks to my hubby who would hold my form in outlandish Pilates moves like he's the meanest Pilates guru of all time (albeit untrained).

Updates...updates.

- I am deeply saddened by the deadly visit of Typhoon "Ondoy" to my kababayans. I wish I can do more from where I am, help out directly through volunteer work and just be there for support. But in my own little way , I am happy that I am able to contribute a little with continuous prayers (and some lunch money...so go figure why I am eating garlic peanuts and juice today *jk*) and help a little by relaying information through Facebook -- a networking site I didn't even want at first! On a lighter note, I dreamed of a big flood and riding a raft ten days before Typhoon Ondoy happened. Which leaves me feeling special and gifted *blush* although I know that it's highly likely just a coincidence, and as random as dreaming about my bathroom tiles getting horribly dirty (if I don't clean them!), of course! *Yes, feel free to click on the links or the photo below if you're feeling kind of snoopy*



- So it's a given fact that I'm not a painkiller addict (yet). But this I gotta tell you...I'm hooked on blogs. Well, not as much as the other people I know! But I have a new baby called BISTRO DE L'ARTE: Wine Flights and Caffeinated Dreams but instead of incoherent verbal diarrhea I usually succumb my readers to, I am coercing the people this time to view my other therapy of choice. Wine and coffee, literally.  But on paper. I was inspired to put up this online portfolio when a kind soul from Facebook encouraged me to join his online talent pool called http://www.phatskills.com -- it's not "fat"skills, crazy! (Thank you, Rocky Nator for all the support!) and so, I needed a portfolio!  Anyhoo, it's a continuous work-in-progress and so am I! Please come and visit once in a while.



And in true Wonder Wifey fashion as always, I'm taking more than I can chew, and chewing more than I can swallow, and swallowing more than I can digest, and digesting more than I can...let's stop there.

My book-writing pursuits were swept on the side following a bereavement in my husband's family (my MIL's passing) and an out-of-this world social calendar that came with it. Okay, that social calendar comes from nothing. It just exists, period. It's a virus that doesn't go away. It doesn't even go away even if I run away from it! Even if I stab it with the H1N1 vaccine repeatedly. Even if I show my morning look to it -- puffy eyes, staticky hair and drool. It will only go away if I turn into a hemit, dragging my husband into the cave with me.

Sorry about that. I just had to do it. I'm sick and tired and clawing for hope.

Tonight, I'm looking forward to some time alone doing usual errands -- bank, drycleaners, grocery, and maybe some shopping on the side, though I doubt it if I can hang considering the residual pain that randomly shoots up like lightning on my lower back and legs.   Hubby's going to be home late so hopefully I'll have some time to paint an artwork for our new hula studio, a present I intend to give to our kumu for the "studio-warming" on Monday.

And this weekend! It's my MIL's 40th Day Prayer Service where a late lunch/early dinner reception will follow. We have family coming. This social calendar...maybe we're stuck to it because there's tons of important people in our lives. Won't we feel sad and desolate with an empty schedule that I sometimes find myself yearning for? Then that means shutting our doors to people, eliminating those who don't mean much to us (but should there be a thin line between those who mean much and those who don't?), building walls, burning bridges...

That doesn't sound right. And that doesn't seem happy at all. What trade-offs! 

I'm just learning to savor the little windows of opportunity to catch my breath and enjoy my little shots of solitude. Maybe tonight, I'll linger a little longer at Starbucks (even if I'm officially 168 hours caffeine-free as of today -- *sigh* some sufferings I subject myself to!) But I'm going to end this post before I start to bombard you with how I coped with my 3-day headache-the-size-of-kingkong-and-lethargic-being-my-favorite-word-I-seriously-wanted-to-shoot-everyone-who-came-near-me-even-my-friend--at-work-who-stepped-in-my-cube-offering-chocolate kind of withdrawal symptoms from caffeine! Ooops I just did.

Alive

Uh-oh, schiz alert. I was kind of feeling sad and downtrodden a while ago (throw in a dash of jitter from that extra cup of joe I shouldn't have patronized), but now I'm all of a sudden feeling high and happy (and no, I didn't have ANY, thank you very much...blogging is still my substance of choice). I actually whistled my way to the kitchen as soon as I got home from work. I pulled out the slab of pork that I had thawing in the refrigerator, which I had zealously moved off the freezer before I took off for work this morning.  Suffice it to say, I've gotten my groove back.  I hope this seals the end of store-bought food which I've mercilessly subjected my household (a.k.a. hubby) to for the past three weeks. This time, he came home to a hot pot of homemade Pork Caldereta (spicy stew), made extra spicy because hubby always goes after the kick, with potatoes made extra soft because that's how he likes them too, and with an eternal spring of scrumptious sauce because he pours that over his steamy rice and sips it like soup sometimes.  Thank goodness we prefer the same stuff.

Life is good. I'm back to the daily grind -- the kind of grind that makes everyone smile.

Oh by the way, here are snippets from my friend's concert last weekend (too bad we couldn't take videos):



And yes, I'm blogging again because I blogged half-heartedly earlier in the day. And THAT AIN'T RIGHT. It's the perfect time to immerse myself back into the normal rhythm of things (the steady click-clack of keys on the  keyboard included) -- as hubby makes some loud and low neanderthal sounds or caveman-ish charades (on instances when he remembers to keep the noise down) while watching Monday Night Football next to me.

“Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.”

Howard Thurman

Still Wordless...kind of.

It's been a rough ride lately, losing two special family members almost simultaneously.

I'll be back blogging "normally" soon. I'm on the road to recovery now. Friday night, hubby and I had dinner at King of Thai. Saturday night, I watched the Oakland East Bay Gay Men's Chorus and the music was awesome, awesome, awesome. Then we went BACK to King of Thai (Holy Crab Fried Rice!) I had my friend Flo spend the night, then we went to Webster Street Jam Sunday. We went there thinking it was the Peanut Butter and Jelly Festival until it dawned on us 60 million minutes into the fair and after scouring a row of booths on one side of the whole Webster stretch and finding not a single peanut butter thingy, that it was no longer...

*duh*

So there. I blogged!

Here are two things to take note of:

 

Yes, I was angry. Not because of important people passing away, but for what some people who were left behind have said. Well, bless their hearts for they don't know any better.

Here's the other one, a better take on letting go...

FOR THE SPECIAL PEOPLE MOMMY REMY (my mother-in-law) and TITA ROSIE (my mom's sister) left behind:

I AM NOT GONE
by Ms. Deejay

I am not gone, do not think of me as underground, unless you see me everywhere.
I have joined each seed that dies to be a flower.
So when you plant your garden in the earth
You might think of me.
In the grave?
I am not there, that is not me!
The seed has burst and I am free.

I am not gone, I am flying into the sun
So when you watch the morning in it’s glory,
The twilight in its quiet beauty
See my wings flash across the sky
And know that I am free.
In the grave?
I am not there, that is not me!
I am touching your face with the sun.

I am not gone, I am drifting to the sea.
So when you walk beside the ocean
By the deep and restless sea, hear the crying of the gulls and think of me.
In the grave?
I am not there, that is not me.
I am playing on the farther shore of the boundless sea.

I am not gone, I am sailing into the wind.
So I shall sigh through your window in summer
And blow leaves around you in autumn.
When the wind kisses your hair with laughter,
you might remember me.
In the grave?
I am not there, that is not me.
I have unfurled my soul to the wind and I am free.

I am not gone
I am tiptoeing into the dark to visit the Moon,
Whispering soft goodbyes, I shall soon fade from sight,
but when the moon lights a path across dark water,
you might think of me.
In the grave?
I am not there, that is not me.
I am sailing with the moon on the breath of forever.

I am not gone, I am dancing in the storm
Laughing with thunder, a lightning leaper.
Now when storms roll in with rumbling and fireworks,
Do not be afraid, just think of me.
In the grave, I am not there, that is not me.
I have danced away in thunder and I am free.

I am not gone,
I am part of forever.
In every season, every birdsong.
In flowers, clouds and each rainbow.
I am part of them, they are part of me.
Do not grieve, only remember.
In the grave?
I am not there, that is not me.
The shell is open, the spirit is free.

Purpose

I thought this was worth a blog post.

I like giving my Facebook friends something to think about on fridays.

Here's what I put as Facebook status today:
TGIF! HERE'S SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT OVER THE WEEKEND: "The purpose of life is a life of purpose." Until you discover the purpose of your life, you are living a life of mediocrity. Look deep inside you. Rise and be great, do the great... things you were meant to do. It is when you know your purpose that the Meaning of Life will be clear. WHAT'S YOUR PURPOSE?

It's from one of my favorite websites -- http://www.theonequestion.com/

There's only one person who has put in her thoughts so far:
Mary (not her real name, hahahaha-- why do we always do that anyway?): I think it will take more than "over a weekend" to get a true and realistic answer about what my purpose is...BUT since my attention span tends to be short these days this is what I came up with ;0)...I strive to be a good wife, good mommy, good worker, good sister and a good aunt ~ I feel in my heart that I have acheived my goal to the best of my ability... therefore in a nutshell I think those are my purpose. Hopefully at my funeral (from the test) that who ever will be doing the eulogy focuses on those traits of mine. That test, btw, is intense...I'm curious to see other answers...;0)

And here's my response:
That's really awesome, M! I can see that in you. Wonderful wonderful answer! I seek to be the same (hopefully, though I still need a lot of work hahaha). Sometimes we don't really need to look too far to find our purpose, usually it's right under our noses! When we find the purpose that is within our very reach, it is easier to pursue them and ... Read Morewe have no excuse not to. And then we set our sights on things that are farther away from our comfort zones. Either way, big or small, at the end of the day what matters is that we tried our best and didn't waste our time.

 

 

I'm putting it down on this blog just to make sure I won't forget that I said it.

 




 

Here's another awesome exchange following this:

FROM let's call her "HAPPY": Clear as it has been...to be a servant of God in propagating the faith. Wherever He takes me, He has something in stored for me. So, I just follow His will even if it seems too difficult at times. I trust Him so much because deep down in my heart, I know He is lighting my way.Enjoy your weekend with Aldred. Give our love to Lisse, Roy, and their little one.

My response: Another awesome answer! Well put! And I will keep praying for your strength and good health so that you may continue your ministry. Yes, in addition to my previous statement, God's will be done always. His plans are always grander than what we are capable of planning for ourselves. I am a living testimony of that. And yes, in pusuit of our individual purposes, may we always do all things for His greater glory!

Cheers to you guys! *clinking a glass of merlot*

AIDS

I'm desperately trying to wriggle out of my B.O. cocoon (Burn Out),

and I've got AIDS now (As If Doing Something).

Let me tell you something. My co-worker lost her job (the one who spends a whopping one grand a year on her eyelashes). Whether she was laid-off or fired, no one really knows. But she's the only one who got axed. The one thing we are certain of, she certainly didn't give 100% of herself. Well, no one really does unless he is a fully-pledged workaholic monster cum slave with nothing else to occupy his time (and thoughts). But this poor soul just went straight up to violating work ethics. I strongly believe that despite outside factors and priorities that always creep into our lives -- like family, society and our own personal needs (let's not forget that), we still need to give the main provider of our bread and butter what is due. If not 100% then for Pete's sake, at least try to stay up there in the 90s!

And so I write this, on coffee breaks, as usual. "As If Doing Something"...AIDS. As If Doing Something to my blogsite too! I owe a lot from it!

Random thoughts whizzing by:

The taste of my coffee today serves me a tray of memories of hotel stays and breakfast buffets and I don't know why. It must be the brew. But it sure makes me feel oh so good -- with memoirs of my past travels drizzling my thoughts as I write this.

Anyhoo...

It's a peaceful day today. It's warm and sunny out there, better than yesterday's cold and gray. I'm wearing a white sundress and I have a sweater tied around my shoulder -- I feel like Superman with my "cape". And I'll be flying any moment now.  

Obviously, I'm having some futile attempts shedding the blogging "burnt out" skin.  But the good thing is, coffee break's almost over.  And so I'll publish this without making any point today.  Or maybe just a little...

So here's a reminder to live by:

"The best way to appreciate your job,

is to imagine yourself without one."

~Oscar Wilde

 

Now, back to work...

 

Rusty is my name,

getting my groove back is the game.



It hasn't been months since I stopped blogging regularly (and I mean everyday) and yet I am finding a difficult time trying to get back into the old rhythm of things.

The good news is, I can now fight for my posts, maybe some PR and such and wander in the blogosphere once more now that the firewall security level has gone down for some special reason -- I can only think of Divine intervention. Or the IT guy must have stumbled upon my recent posts and started feeling very repentant over the whole firewall thing. Still, divine intervention!  So now I can view blogsites as clear as crystal and I can start commenting and doing my rounds. I can now publish posts and see them right away instead of posting blindly (because the strange thing is the firewall lets me get into the edit page)!

Now that I'm back, some things don't feel right.  It's like riding a bike -- which they say ever-proverbially that you never forget -- yet when you start riding again after so long, you still have to start feeling your way around at first. Wobbly but not falling, but wobbly (or is it just me and my totally uncoordinated-plus-poor-reflexes cycling skills?) Okay, poor choice for a metaphor, and I'm lazy to think of another one that comes close. Rusty.

The happy thing is I'm soooo back! And I have so many things to clean up. Blog directory registrations, blog-walking (or hopping if I'm energetic enough), commenting, promotions, and anything to bring the PR up once more. One thing I know that I still care about more than PR and popularity though is the quality of my posts.  It's a given thing that some paid posts will come but I will not be amiss with the inspirational things I always seek to squeeze in.

Uh-oh.

I feel I've gotten a little rusty. What do I have to say today? The more I think, the more substance eludes me. And this blog doesn't own that feeling alone. It seems to hold true for the other aspects of my life. Yesterday, I cleaned up my cubicle at work and was in an organizing frenzy down to the tiniest dot of my cube life. So now I'm feeling a little lost and desperately in need of remapping my coordinates, reprogramming my brain about where to find my commonly used work paraphernalia like charts and tables, calculator, the office supplies, the photos of important people in my life pinned to my wall -- which I should be automatically be able to grab and find given the old diagram. 

But I like causing a stir sometimes. I love change. It keeps me thinking. It keeps me challenged. It keeps me aware and accepting that nothing is constant in this world so I should seek not to resist that truth when things start shifting. It keeps me learning to adapt all over again, and that is what I have full control of. 

I am evolving. And savoring every minute of it.

 

"L"

Cory's famous "L", her Legacy. L for "Laban", meaning FIGHT. In a political sense, it meant a FIGHT against a dictatorship, a FIGHT for Peace and Democracy.

Come to think of it, "L" can also inspire a myriad of things in our ordinary life: the pursuit of our dreams, the quest for goodness, and everything else for the betterment of humanity. Keep L-ing, my dear friends!!! Here's a moment of silence and prayer in my blog so I can pay my respects.

To Pres. Cory, MARAMING SALAMAT PO!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Something is wrong here (but a lot of things are right too!)

So I'm at work dutifully doing my job (and thank God not lurking around Facebook that time), when our President comes over at my desk, violating my cube rule which is "DO NOT ENTER WITHOUT MY APPROVAL" -- but of course, sadly, I'm the only one who knows about that supposed rule, and muttering in a soft voice, "Uhm, Clarisse, they said you wanted to see me?"

That didn't sound right.  What would have sounded right was if the situation had been reversed and I came over to his big room which is 10 times my cubicle to ask him the same question. But anyway, that's how mighty powerful I am at work! Woohoo!  *flexing biceps* LOL.  

I just work around very nice people, including the supposed corporate pee-ers (management) and the rest of us corporate pee-ons.

So I proceeded to tell him what I needed and he winced and gave me this look as if I was giving him a toughie.  *flexing biceps again*  Yeah!!!

---

A few hours later someone asked me how long something was supposed to take, and the answer was supposedly "an hour and a half" but I absentmindedly said "a YEAR and a half" instead. No wonder I left the area with some naive people their jaws way down on the floor like floor length theater drapes. *DUH* If I didn't correct that, some people (including myself) would have needed to stick around at work 24/7 for a total of 547 days. I will be the first to go ballistic over that.

---

So yeah some things are amiss today. Or I guess, some things are NOT amiss today (abnormal being normal in my circle of functioning).

Hehehe.

I'm bouncing off the walls though. I just got very encouraging comments from the radiologist who did my mammogram reimaging -- which was nerve-wracking by the way. Tell me, if you got called back for another mammogram because apparently "there is a finding that needs further investigation", wouldn't you be scared out of your wits, especially if you had very strong genetic risks? (not to mention a strong propensity for hypochondriac tendencies?)

The second imaging really helped.  They zeroed in on the doubtful spot and proved that it indeed was merely scarred tissue (from a previous lumpectomy) and nothing to be worried about at all. I'll wait for the official results in the mail.





So yippy, I'm NOT dying or anything. It makes me ignore the fact that my hair is still falling at a hideously alarming rate for unkown reasons and despite delightfully NORMAL blood test results (so yes I still have that to wrestle with) -- deyyymmmm american shampoos y'all. But now, I'm all of a sudden lazy about pursuing my bucket list goals in life. Slowing down like I have so much time in my hands all over again and because my arse has just been spared from the ever-proverbial expiry date sticker. Exhausted? Tired? Or simply human?

Gosh, human...

Falling hair and ɛt ˈsɛtərə

--written not so long ago at wonderwifey.com --

I'm trying to blog, but I'm still not coming up with anything to write about. Blogger's Block, you say? Loss of inspiration?

There's a lot of issues and stressors that have been swimming in my head (cerebrospinal fluid, eh?) lately. First of all, my hair has been abandoning my head as if on a sudden exodus to the shower floor (25 strands at one time), the towel (another 15 at one time), the table, my shoulders, my tank top, the couch, my kitchen tiles, the carpet, the pillow, everywhere and anywhere but my head, including your plate of lasagna if you're having dinner at my house (I'm sorry). My used-to-be-thick crowning glory seems to be doing a very successful crash diet and it worries me. What the hell is causing my hair follicles to jump ship, in a terribly unglorified harakiri? (Forgive me, but I'm seeing a cartoon rendition of animated hair strands jumping off a cliff, screaming "hi-yah!!!!" in my head). Mass suicide, actually.

Is it stress?

Is it stress over my crazy schedule? I've taken a one month leave from dance class effective yesterday, and I don't know what else I'll find myself unloading in the next few weeks.

Is it stress over Michael Jackson's kids? No, wait a minute...

Is it stress over Uncle Sam shoving that horrendous amount of taxes down my throat?

Or is it my thyroid acting up? Hormones going haywire, feeling tired all the time, yada-dada yada-dada...

Or is it stress over the mammogram results? For those of you who don't know, my mom is a breast cancer survivor for 20 or so years. It recurs, yes, but she's been fighting it with flying colors with the kind of courage I can't see myself capable of (maybe) and with the help of the advances in medical science: affairs with chemotherapy, radiation and oral meds. I've seen the whole drama of it all...us family members and herself playing tug-of-war with cancer and continuously struggling to win the battle, relentlessly trying to pull her back to our side, and not allowing her to fall into the arms of those emotionally insensitive malignant neoplasms. If you think third party lovers and mistresses are the ultimate home-wreckers, well, you haven't met cancer. You can't get back at cancer once it steals someone away from you. You can't shoot cancer with a 45. You can't throw nitric acid on cancer to burn its face like people do in the movies and in your tabloid news, you can't take cancer to court, no,you can't sue cancer (wow, I've never uttered/written that word "cancer" this much because it used to hurt so much). Anyway, you can't just plot a stupid well-orchestrated act of vengeance on cancer. You simply can't.

I digress.

On the mammogram results...

A few months back during one of those self-checks I would normally do as someone with a very high genetic risk, I thought I had felt a tiny lump. A very little one, the size of a pearl (not the South Sea kind, thankfully), yet giving me so much fear the size of the Milky Way and beyond. Why? Because with this kind of news come scary possibilities and I don't want to go that road! I just refuse to go through the same ordeal because I've seen it played over and over in my family, and I might not hold up as good as my mom has (or dad-- yeah, prostate cancer for him) to pull myself from "victim" to "survivor" status. I don't even want to go through the process. I've seen it, more like "felt" it and it's painful and ugly. Plus, I'm done. I'm T-I-R-E-D. It's like being in a very emotionally-charged sports game: you yell, you cheer, you root for your teammate with all your might, and then suddenly, you find yourself too tired when it's your turn to play. Like that. I was reflecting on it one time as I looked out into the yard watching my husband lovingly water my favorite plants while wearing MY garden crocs and it is tearing me apart already. No, I can't do this to my man. Please, God, no replays. Please spare me so I can spare him!

And so I went for a mammogram. They also did a breast ultrasound, and then another ultrasound for further investigation. Nothing. They couldn't find anything. I told the radiologist that I would feel the lump when I'm watching TV or when I'm in the toilet, and so she asked me to mimic my position during those instances while aiming the sonogram poker on the spot. Nothing. So rather comically, I flipped, *poke*, turned around, *poke*, bent over, *poke*, stretched, *poked*, slouched...tilted...hang up-side-down. Nothing. She was, I guess, at the point where she was tempted to bring in a TV as a prop to the ultrasound room and in front of me to simulate the situation, or better yet, follow me with the sonogram machine to the toilet on my next visit there. But so far, NOTHING.

Until last week, when I received a letter from my healthcare provider saying that I need to come back for a reimaging because there was "a finding" that needed to be looked at one more time. The notice said that it's common to be called back for reimaging and usually the findings are benign with most people anyway.

Who knows? I'm probably getting too worked up for NOTHING!!! But you know where I'm coming from now. Meanwhile, I await my second mammogram schedule as of this writing. And I'm going through a battery of blood tests this weekend to find out what's the underlying cause of my falling hair -- and I hope it's not just the dadgum shampoo after all the stress! Or rather, I hope it is...

So if you're reading this, please pray for me. Because lately, all I want to do is hide in my cave (when I'm not in the pursuit of items in my bucket list --because one can really never know, y'know!) and plug in some music in my ears so I don't hear my own thoughts.

For lunch today, for a change, I drove out of my work place all the way to Safeway and got me a pack of sushi-to-go (California Roll, baby!) -- and yeah, despite all the turmoil that's going on in my life, my appetite hasn't left me (aaarrrrggghhhh!!!). I'm not surprised. When I drove back, I had a good view of the bay. I could see the skyline across the water and the crystal view of San Francisco as Colbie Caillat croons a relaxing number in my iPhone, again and again and again.

It's such a clear day today. I hope the fog will lift off my medical situation soon too.

Altogether now: "Today is Wednesday. It's a sunny day!"

-- written for Coffee, anyone? --

Hi there! You miss me? *LOL*

It's been a while since I've written posts that are in the league of people's favorite posts in my site.  Some of you will know this (well, if you've been exploring my OTHER sites...), I've had some strange health concerns recently, but no worries! I'm still as crazy and adventurous as ever. And my life is as hilarious too! I just thought I'd write some updates before people forget that this site even exists, hahaha.

Here goes:

First of, it seems that my blog's Google PageRank "PR" score or whatchamacallit has sympathized with my biorhythmic patterns lately.  It has dropped from a super-duper-calooper "4" to *ding* ZERO! As in zilch. A whopping duck's egg...That's what I get for not blogging enough. Or yeah yeah, too much link-hardselling.  I needed the moolah, what can I do?

Anyhoo...

I'm okay. Am I doing something about it? NO. Why? I don't know...  Bleh.  That means less writing jobs too. And I'm not sure why I'm feeling a little joyful. Coming home without writing tasks to accomplish is truly a delightful prospect. But well, we need the extra dough so I'll fix it soon.  I'd better...

My internet presence hasn't been as much as it used to be, especially on this site since our IT guy at work updated our firewall. The odd thing is, I can get into Bravenet and write (like what I'm doing right now), but I cannot see the final output because my blogsite is banned. And so are the rest of your blogsites... I've lost my groove to some extent since then. Blogging but not being able to read it immediately? Coitus interruptus no less (pardon my allegory). It just isn't as orgasmic , er, consummating, uhm...satisfying as before.  I just like to see my blog entry in final form right away and make the necessary changes if need be.

Suffice it to say, I've been doing more non-virtual tasks now and it's mentally uplifting. I've also taken a month-long leave from hula dancing and it's amazing how one extra evening spent at home makes an ocean of difference. However, it's also amusing how a sudden change in routine can make one severely disoriented  -- especially in the knowing-what-day-it-is department. Today, for some strange reason, I truthfully didn't know what day it was!!! Yes, I love fridays and weekends, but that doesn't mean I should forget what goes on between them.  And so I had to consult my calendar and then...I didn't know what date it was! Har-har-har! It's Wednesday today. Wednesday. Wednesday. To...day...is...Wed...nes...day. It's a sunny day. Wednesday. Wednesday.

We're busy! Hecka! (as if we've never been ever...!?)  Hubby volunteered his services to "cater" yes, CATER, for their company's annual family picnic. He and his buddy were disappointed last year with the catering services and the quality of food served that they felt they needed to intervene. So, Batman and Robin to the barbe-rescue! I'm supporting him all the way since I know that this is one of the things he's been dreaming of. I'm scared and shakin' and hopin' that everything will turn out well,  prayin' that the food will be cooked on time and will be enough for everybody, no salmonella poisoning whatsoever, no hair swimming around (perhaps I should keep my distance hahaha), and none of 'em undercooked, rubbery and iffy morsels.

We're going to Costco with hubby's friend tonight to buy the supplies for our impromptu catering business. We're used to preparing for a banquet because we entertain a lot at home (sometimes too much) but for a party of 150? God help us...   Hubby said he's doing it for "reputation" -- as he knows it in his heart that this is only the beginning of his NEW career *LOL*, and the "money" comes second -- as he knows it in his heart that all of it is going to me. *LMAO*

And yes, I'm self-studying some Italian. I want to speak Italian! And after so much vascillation and debating whether I should keep trying to learn French or give up on it totally (my tongue has given up a long time ago) and pursue Italian instead (I wrote about this not so long ago), I have decided on the latter for so many valid reasons.

So...uhrm......uhrm.....Vive bene, spesso l'amore, di risata molto!(Live well, love much, laugh often). Beautiful isn't it? Que bella!

Anyway...

My friend just shot me an email today asking me, "what will make you happy this instant?"

It took me a while before I could answer (with some bedraggled symphony of dreams and aspirations e.g. have a baby, lose weight, stay healthy -- no scary mammogram results, take care of my parents, win the lotto to be a stay-at-home wife, yada-dada...yada-dada...)

On second thought, it took me a while because I couldn't come up with an adequate answer. I just couldn't!  It's like, well, I'm very content at this point and I couldn't ask for more. I'm happy with the way things are. I still feel blessed despite some obstacles and challenges that are beyond my control. My life isn't perfect but whose isn't?

I'm just grateful for each day that comes (even if I don't know what day it is, hahaha).

Does that mean I'm already happy?

You know what? YES.

  

OC

- a paid post at Coffee, anyone? -- advertising links deleted

Call me an obssessive-compulsive hygiene freak (note: it doesn't equate to neat and organized at all times *LOL*) but I like to be clean.  I'm not exactly a strict and dysfunctional germophobe but I always make sure that I clean myself all the time, brush my teeth, change my clothes...wait a minute, that's normal, that's standard for most of us.  The thing is, I have this issue about getting my feet dirty. I mean, I'm okay at the getting dirty part, just not go to bed with dirty feet.  I think I can go to bed without brushing my teeth (yeah, that's gross) but I'd tolerate that more than going to bed with dirty feet. Hahaha. 

To me, it's really okay to get dirty...I love dirty jobs, I don't mind soiling my hands.  As long as I go to bed fresh and clean even if I have to sleep only like 2 hours and wake up again.  I also hate going to bed in my day clothes or street clothes even if that was only to dive for a short rest. The rest of the house can get dirty for days and days, but just respect the bed!!!

And that's where hubby and I argue most of the time.  Men...He's not exactly a dirty filthy thing, but sometimes he'd hop on the bed wearing jeans that he'd worn during the day, and then I start imagining germs transferring to the bed after having travelled with him on his pants, especially the bottom part.  Eeeeks!

But eureka, I've recently found the psychological tactic that seems to be working so far...

Step 1: I told him after coming from this and that's house (and the hospital) that I was so positive they had mites on their couch. And that if he sat there, the mites probably started clinging on to his pants and then by sitting or laying down on our NEW bed, they will probably appreciate the move to the fresher home, thank him for the lift and probably start propagating on the mattress. 

Step 2: I had no chance for step 2.  He jumped out of the bed and stripped off his day clothes and took a shower, and never hopped on the bed with dirty clothes again.

Not an entirely different approach from educating 5 yr-olds!

36 Hours

Seriously.

I wish the day had 36 hours. I will try my best not to complain of being tired, just give me 36 hours! There's so much I need to accomplish, and so little time each day. I liken it to attempting to shove humongous stuff that could fill up a whole hiking backpack into a teeny weeny wristlet purse.

But God (or the force --  if you're one of those believers of some other magical or scientific reason) -- though it's still my God for me, my loving God, designed the day to have 24 hours, as dictated by the rising and setting of the beautiful sun, so there must be a supreme reason for being so. I think I'm just trying to achieve so many things all at one time that I feel that there's so little time. Maybe I need to sit back, relax and weigh my priorities.

So many interests have taken a back seat since I got swallowed up by chores and yet more hobbies. My hula dancing, which is on for only 2 hours a week now -- and performing once in a while (we'll be dancing with the big parade in A-town this coming 4th of July if you happen to be here in NorCal!!!), and then my art: wire-wrapping projects and sketches,  Italian lessons, photography with my husband, and a hodge-podge of other things, my blogging (and writing) which is slowly moving unto the back seat for some other writing projects *hint* *hint*... I hope you guys buy my book when it comes out. My book project is eating up all of me lately, consuming my energy and attention that I am worse than absent-minded most of the time. It's set to release by my birthday this year (Christmastime) so please pray for me. And pray that I meet the deadlines and encounter no difficult publishing hurdles especially since I too have taken the liberty of dropping the illustration requirements on my own lap. All these in between wifey duties (50% chef, 50% bedroom goddess *LOL*) and a serious full time job! I'm not complaining. I hope I can find the time to really sit down and accomplish things. I keep working and re-working my schedule to the point of catatonia.

*sigh*

I might have to let go of other things temporarily until the book project is done. But which one?!?

I've had some health scares recently too.  You know, these health and life-threats...they purify you. They make you transcend over the pettiest of matters -- considering them completely irrelevant. These things make you grow.  You see, when you come face to face with your mortality, no matter how false alarm it might be, nothing seems to matter anymore. Well, unless you get there, you'll never know how possible that state of mind can be.  That not a single material thing, not a single emotional entanglement nor relationship issue, no negative quirks nor trivial encounters with acquaintances or strangers will move you...none of these affect you anymore.  You simply transcend to a higher level of wisdom where you find unalterable peace in your heart that makes you dismiss everything human and trivial-- and certainly not with a fist to punch back -- but with a nod of your head, and then you proceed to concentrate on living your life to the fullest and making good use of your time on earth, and hoping that everything benefits more people, and yet more people even if nothing comes back to you -- whether there's not enough time left for you, or you still have million miles before you kick the bucket.

I am on this level where I am in pursuit of my biggest dream, something that has fallen into place recently in a grand eureka moment in the car with my husband. 

And at this age, 36, I can finally say that I have truly discovered what I want to be when I grow up.

I might not turn out to be the best. But who cares, as long as I know that I've given my best.

Christmastime, this year...my book(s) are coming out.

Please help me pray for it. And pray that this dream comes into fruition come hell or high water.

Dandelion Fields

I now have an online gallery for my works, click on the photo to visit it:



I started drawing with my father as soon as I was old enough to hold a pencil (what is old enough for me? 12 months? *teehee*). In preschool, I felt a little awkward and embarassed because I was already sketching things in 3D, while my classmates were struggling to draw stick people. I can still vividly remember my rendition of the flame and the partially melted ice cube with a wet pool around it (thanks to Daddy -- whose idea of playtime and bonding time is the Drawing Guessing Game, way before Pictionary came out). I still do the drawing guessing game with little kids. I think we need to tap into their creative, inferential and expressive skills early on. It matters a lot to shaping one's character for later in life.

Sadly, all my sketchbooks and sketchpads of two decades (including those that were on exhibit for a time when I was in the university) were never returned to me -- even threatened to be burnt and are perhaps really ashes by now -- after a previous relationship has gone awry. I still don't know what came of them.

So I have nothing much to show now, only lessons learned. And a testimony of the truth that...LIFE GOES ON. Art prevails! And this site is a form of my commitment to find time to create works of art again inspite of my busy schedule.

Though I'm not the best in the world, I'm proud of my works because this hobby (and skill) is one of the most special things that connect me to my DADDY who still sketches wonderful drawings up to this day. Though he and I are geographically apart now, like a secret magic thread, this language ties our hearts together. Tightly.

Meet Milo

-TAKEN FROM MY "WONDER WIFEY" SITE, SANS THE ADVERTISING-

I was spring-cleaning our laptops, deleting unnecessary files and creating back-ups for photos and important documents (I'm very "anal" when it comes to organizing the archives in an external hard drive), when I came across this photo that I took of the darling of our family a long, long time ago.

One million trial shots on the couch amidst stuffed animals, inside a giant antique vase, the piano plus a severely disoriented puppy with almost one broken leg for hopping off the couch in disgust and "antsy-ness" two hours later, I came up with one that I liked and I gave it to my sister to enter the Photography Contest featuring pets called "Furry Tales".

Lo and behold, it won Second Place amongst hundreds of entries! My sister and I agreed to pass it off as her shot since she's the one who bought Milo anyway (for a bargain price, really -- he's the real clearance puppy) and brought a totally different kind of love into our family. I'm cool with that. It didn't matter who got the credits, what mattered was that the photo won and we brought home a lot of prizes.

Milo received gift packages, gift certificates, dog food, toys, and other treats. The best part was the gift certificates to "people" restaurants that he also received which he'll never use, of course, since he's a dog and which are meant for the family. So we all had several outings as a family, eating to our heart's delight for free, courtesy of our pet. How cool is that!?! How often in life do you get that?

One great thing too that came out of Milo being on the spotlight and the little darling of the crowd when "he" claimed the prizes during the awarding ceremony, was Daddy -- an official and certified cynophobic-- falling in love with him realizing his cuteness, appreciating all his funny antics and overcoming his fear and avoidance of canines altogether. Milo, after all, really possesses heart-warming characteristics that endears him to everyone.

Milo's a little old now. When I came home to visit last year, he seemed to have forgotten who I was -- his adoptive mom, the one who walked and ran with him, played fetch, and the one he guarded during those late nights I stayed up to finish some work at the computer. I think he's mad at me for leaving. Or because he is just different, a mixed breed of sorts: terrier, lhasa apso and a hodge-podge of untraced canine ancestors. Through the years he had turned territorial, selective, possessive of his masters, and sometimes just plain eccentric.

It's okay. My affectionate relationship with him might be over but I'll never forget the lessons that he taught me about unconditional love and loyalty. To cut to the chase, Milo became my dad's bestfriend through the years. I remember that day I was about to leave home, I cried and wept and told Milo to watch over my parents while I'm gone to a far away place. Eversince I left, he never left daddy's side. And for that I am so grateful. He's still there, keeping him company. And Daddy also spoils him to bits. My mom loves him too but he's more loyal to Daddy if you know what I mean. It's a great relationship. I hope Milo lives long to fulfill his promise to me even longer.

It's as if this "SPECIAL" pooch heard my request that day. Even if, the truth is, Milo had been diagnosed clinically deaf since birth. HE LISTENED WITH HIS HEART.

We, humans, are supposed to teach dogs. But can you imagine how much this dog has taught me instead?

Milo and I in 2006

Why I blog...

I blog as much as I can for three main reasons: PURPOSE, EXPRESSION and INCOME. So I guess if you put the three together, that really amounts to churning out 60 million words in multiple sites. My favorite author Robert Fulghum once said, "We are all dying". That struck me so much because it's true. It's only a matter of who bites the dust first. It made me re-think my multiple purposes in life. What is it that I like to do? And what is it that I want to give to the world? Blogging is one of them. (And I'm blessed that I can squeeze this in my coffee and lunch breaks, or at home while hubby and I watch TV). Though it sounds so urban tchotchke-ish, I find deeper meaning in blogging. First, to help anyone who can hopefully vicariously learn from my journey...the little steps, the big milestones, humps, potholes and all. To entertain in my own humble way. To express myself (there's always a burning feeling inside my heart -- a concept, a thought or a butterfly that yearns to get out of the cocoon to conquer the world!)...A legacy of my own. To guide those who'd want to follow suit. And the income is just icing on the cake. Lately, I've been wanting to share the bounty. I'd like everyone who's interested to taste that icing too! And the joyful part is, at the end of a blogging day, I find it amazing that I really don't care if nothing comes back to me.

I never even remembered today that I hate Mondays

- taken from Coffee, anyone? - but sans the advertising...

So maybe, we're really good friends now.

I'm far from lethargic, there are no weekend withdrawal symptoms, I'm cheerful and humming and whistling...instead of wishing that I'm at home, on my comfortable bed, watching TV...wait a minute...now that I'm remembering, I'm starting to hate Monday again. 

It's all in my crazy mind, isn't it?

But the good part is, four more days and it's going to be weekend again.  The loop never stops.  It's already June! Almost midyear, yup, almost there.  In the wink of an eye, it's going to be Christmas again.  Didn't we just cook the turkey for Thanksgiving last week?

That's what my friend Mo has in mind.  She's back from being off for 5 days last week and she emerged from it like a new-born infant.  I knew she's back the moment she went into my cube to show one of her most recent online purchases.  She gets shoes, clothes and jewelry most of the time.  This time, she showed me this very beautiful heart-shaped locket studded with a tiny diamonds (2-ct TW). She got it on sale for $ 100. from Macy's for her daughter, who I thought was celebrating her birthday. Nope! It's a Christmas present.  This soon?

Six months to go, baby.  Where did half of the year go?!?

Meanwhile, let me focus on loving this Monday.  After all, shouldn't we focus on each moment and each day that passes?

 

Here's something my uncle shared with me before his passing:

Yesterday's gone, we cannot relive it.

Tomorrow's something we can't be absolutely certain of.

But we have today to fulfill our mission in life. And if we concentrate on living every moment well, TODAY is ENOUGH.

-Anonymous

Coming Full Circle

-originally posted at Coffee, anyone? - but edited to conform with the conditions in this blogsite: non-commercialized and straight from the heart..

With the coming of summer, I feel that snippets of our family life are coming full circle so fast. It does every year. I felt it again this morning as I unearthed my summer stuff from storage bins. Wasn't it just yesterday when I packed them away? And when I wrote OVERDRIVE and OUT OF WHACK and other posts that completely detailed the tween and teen adventures in our makeshift tween/teen daycare whenever my stepdaughter spends schoolbreaks with us and the cousins get together in our place for like a whole week of chaos, day trips, summer adventure, field trips, food trips and F-U-N?

I can almost smell my oven-baked cookies that they like to eat with milk or scoops of vanilla ice cream. And the military style breakfast of bacon, eggs and freshly baked biscuits I shoot out from my kitchen for 8 kids who are kids no more and who could already eat like hungry pitbulls on steroids.

I'm going to start getting sleeping bags ready, new scary movies up our sleeves, the heavy blankets they spread on the floor, pillow cases, different colored toothbrushes, facial wash, extra bottles of shampoo and those little soaps I try to hoard from our hotel stays as much as I can. It's like a teen daycare alright. Backpacks strewn around, those jackets sprouting from nowhere, the multi-colored candy-like Nike Dunks, belts, socks, cellphones, curling irons, hair straighteners, iPhones, earphones, chargers, candy-colored nail polish, Nintendo DS, PSPs...

With things coming full circle too fast every year, it won't be too long until all those teen artifacts start disappearing. 

I think I'll treasure every moment of it.