Why can't I stop smilin'?

         

Hubby and I have a deal.  QUALITY TIME when we get home. No laptops, no phone calls, no cooking yet. Just talking or watching tv together (or eating sunflower seeds...I know how to do the one hand crack maneuver now too!!!).  Today, we get to use the laptop though.  Coz he's online, trying to find a house to buy...and so I grabbed my laptop too...and guess what! I'm on Friendster.  What else is new!!! (hush hush, I told him I'll help him surf for a nice affordable property...I'll keep you posted...)  Here's something I wrote last Thursday, during coffee breaks. I guess I should change my blogsite title now to ..."During Coffee Breaks, A Little at a Time"...or maybe I should just walk more than write more, huh.

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         Does food ever make you try to beat the red light? In my case, I guess it does! Take barbecue for instance.  Texas style smoked barbecue pork!  Hubby promised me some from Everett and Jones Barbecue last night because it was my hula night and it was his turn to cook…uhrm…urhm…I mean, pick up food. I swear I caught myself almost speeding and running the red twice and the only reason I could think of was the barbecue.  (I could almost hear a spirit whispering behind me…go toward the goal…go toward the goal…the goal…the goal…) LOL. I will never even speed if I needed to use the bathroom.

       

            Anyway, I was just beaming while driving home from hula class.  Dance does that to me.  I was feeling down in the dumps all day. I was missing my baby boy. *SIGH* The baby that never was.  Then a few days ago, my hula teacher invited me to perform with them on the 13^th of October at another Hawaiian Festival.  Sooner than I expected! That is something to slash off my goal list again.  But I just remembered we’re going to LA that weekend to volunteer at my stepdaughter’s school.   I promised all of them I’ll go.  So it’s okay, I’ll forego the performance.  There will be a next chance.  These are just little things that remind me of how being a parent (or pseudo-parent?) is.  It’s about letting go of your own interests and dreams, big or small, for your child.  Am I ready? You bet! I may not have had enough from life yet but the answer is definitely yes.  But where is my own baby? It’s alright. I’ll just wait.

            And since I have been feeling in the pits the past days, I started missing home (the old home – PI).  I started missing my friends. But then last night at hula, it was one of my hula classmate’s birthday and the alakai (assistant) brought cake for all of us to share, as instructed by our kumu (teacher).  We all reloaded on calories after supposedly burning them off.  Chocolate and strawberry refrigerator cake!!! Yummo!!!  We were all singing and laughing.  I joined the practices even if I wasn’t going to perform. Our group is called Halau Makana, by the way.  Halau for group/or school, Makana for gift.  We are a family. This is my gift.

            I just found me another home, another new family in this new world I am in.  And I also had barbecue with my hubby for dinner! The kind that separates from the bones and melts in your mouth.  That is why!!!

            Mahalo!

~~~Clarisse 10/04/07

            

This is from your brother, David.

         I must be out of my mind but I look forward to work everyday.  Truthfully. Well, not the waking up early part.  Certainly not that.  But in general I get a happy feeling just with the prospect of coming to work each day.  I look forward to the intellectual and social challenge involved in the nature of my job.  I enjoy those geeksville doodads I drink and cough up everyday – think biochemistry marrying naturopathy.  I love all the endless mental gymnastics (on my toes!) and the math exercise I’m always thrown into --who says one can never learn to love something he used to detest? I like the adrenaline rush of coordinating among parties while defying seconds that tick by, the interesting and always novel challenges of problem-solving (well, 50% of those I can probably live without – these are the irksome ones) and most of all, I am thankful for the boundless opportunities to help others.

        Because I work for a nutraceutical company, I deal with health-care professionals—doctors and witch doctors (?) alike, health shops and the regular customers like you and me. This space isn’t enough if I try to recall the many moments that made my heart sing.  This is not to say, however, that there aren’t days which absolutely make my feelings plummet south. At the end of each day, I may be tired, but I feel good about myself.

        Let me share with you one of my favorites.  His name is David. He called one Friday afternoon to ask if I can process an order for Next Day shipment to his brother, who, in his own words, is “on his deathbed”.  He wanted one of our antioxidant supplements that has been studied and published in a journal as a good supplement for those afflicted with cancer.   I couldn’t make any claims about it being the miracle drug that might reverse it all or else FDA might go after my neck.  We also didn’t have any arrangement with UPS for Saturday deliveries, and if we had to, one might end up paying triple the product cost for freight alone.  His tone was harried and desperate and he said “No matter how much it costs, no matter what good or bad it may do, I will go for it.  My brother is sure to die, there can’t be anything worse than that. I cannot wait another day.  This is the best I can do.  I will not pass up on this one last shot. I will give it my very best.” After some phone calls, I was ready to ship out the order. He was just too happy that it was possible. Easy, you might think.  Nothing out of the ordinary in the nature of anyone’s job. Nothing heroic to throw my name into some majestic hall of fame.  Surely, it didn’t involve those excruciating red tape brouhaha I face with international shipments like the recent customs-related one I squirmed through with Ukraine .  But in the end, he said in his shaky, aged voice  “Oh, and can you please add something? Can you make a note for me? And slip it in?  Please write This is from your brother, David.”  No problem.  Tears were welling up from my eyes by the time we hang up.

        In my job, I am constantly reminded of how people want to keep living, and hang on to the last strands of health for whatever drives them.  Some may refuse to get ill or die because of the perks and comforts this world offers.   But most people just want to stick around for the ones they love…to be there for their family and friends.  Just the same, a lot of people will give anything so that their loved ones can stick around as well, for as long as they can. 

       Doesn’t this show us that LOVE still governs the world? That there is hope? That despite the war and despite people killing people, most of us will still give anything to make each other survive.  We still want to help each other out.  We still want to keep one another alive.  Love still rules.  It is still possible for all of mankind.  If only all of us will look deeper into what our hearts are really meant for.  And stick to that.

        At some point, we may have helped.  At another, we may have been helped. Or yet at another, we may simply have witnessed this phenomenon.  This is from your brother, David.  I had the privilege of writing that note, on a red border sticker.  I wrote one of the best testimonials of this love I’m talking about. 

        This is why I like what I do for a living.

~~~Clarisse (During coffee breaks, A little at a time) 10/03/07

Maybe I should start changing my blog title...