Friday

It's 3 pm, I'm on my coffee break...(uhrm, non-coffee break).  It's the second time this year that I pulled caffeine off my system before my body could protest. And now, I'm as lethargic as my neighbor's fat pitbull. I thought if I offered my abstinence from coffee (something I like so much) with my prayers, my utmost wishes will seem most legitimate and sincerely desired, and hence, answers will be expedited. I'm just praying for someone really really dear to me. Which reminds me, I listen to Catholic Radio AM1260 now on the way to work and back. A couple of days ago, they were talking about how prayers are in essence expressions of love. You pray for someone because you care. You ask others to pray for you because you trust that their prayers can help. You almost trust your lives to them. You pray to God because you resign to His designs or bargain with Him because you know He won't let you down. It portrays loving relationships and how we nurture these.  Anyway, right now, I just feel like sticking my head in the freezer.  Just thaw me when I can drink coffee again. I'll tell you when.

It's Friday! I adore Fridays! I'm going to my cousin's tonight for a pots and pans party or something like that.

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Apparently I didn't finish yesterday's post. The pots and pans party was impressive. Surgical stainless steel cookware...no oil or water needed.  It sounded like fun but definitely pricey. They had air and water purifier/ionizer systems too. I would definitely buy if I had 3 grand readily dispensable. I mean, we do but it's definitely not a priority right now. Anyway, the fried chicken was really great! I had a great time together with my cousins, an occasion we barely get now.

Today, we woke up late and stayed in bed til noon. It's hubby's HUG WIFEY SATURDAY. Later this afternoon, I'll be spending time at my sister's for the Pacquiao fight. Right now, hubby's picking up food from Carl's Jr. Been craving for them fried zuchinis lately hahaha.  What a lazy Saturday, I'm not cooking...I'm not even doing laundry.  I'm not doing anything!

Hubby and I are smelling the flowers. Til then!

Skin-deep...

        So we finally meet after 5 years. She finally meets the woman who her ex-boyfriend fell head over heels in love with. I finally meet the woman who loved and cared for the man I married for more than a decade before I came (pun unintended) into his life. She finally meets the woman she referred to as the “fat b*tch” and I finally meet the woman I referred to as the “ugly b*tch” (Out of disdain, I always thought, well you can lose “fat” but what do you do with “ugly”? Plus, she wasn’t so skinny to begin with).

         It wasn’t so bad. Just a bit of formalities here and there, a shaking of the hands (I offered mine first –brownie points!), uttering the automatic “nice to meet you” that goes with the handshake (did we really mean it?), partying with the rest of the crowd and maybe scrutinizing each other in stolen glances. Simple. So bitterly peaceful. It has been five years anyway. I guess we both anticipated this meeting. It is a small world after all.

        At one point, we were all singing and “Dancing Queen” came up. I announced to everyone, in between sips of beer, that it is my song. No one, except for her, volunteered to sing it. And I danced to it. I know, she wasn’t doing it for me…she was just having fun singing. I wasn’t doing it for her either. Dancing Queen is my anthem, I will heed its call anytime. I am a Dancing Queen --which I know she isn’t! I must say though, even if she doesn’t sing as good as Cristina Aguilera I definitely pale in comparison. I should give it to her. (uhrm…)

         Two concerned guys asked me if it was okay that she was at the party. And because I wanted to prove unfazed by the situation, I confidently said “No worries, you're asking me now when I finally proved to myself with my very own eyes that I’m really a lot more beautiful than her?”  My husband always said too that I’m 100 times nicer.  Better inside and out.  But I kept that part to myself.  Good thing.  I should have kept my mouth shut to begin with. I really wanted to kick myself for not screening my words. I hate it. I just put myself down. I was embarassed with what I said even if it was supposed to be a self-appreciating joke directed to two carefree guys. I stooped too low. It was definitely a self-defense done in poor taste. Look who's ugly now???

         How can I be so proud? How can I make fun of being prettier than someone else, even just as a joke, or to casually prove a petty point…when we all know too well that beauty is only skin deep.  What matters is what lies beneath. What is important is who the person is inside. As the days go by since that meeting, there is a ball of guilt that keeps on swelling in my heart about having said it. She didn’t do anything bad to me anyway. And even if my husband and a lot of other people who both know us tell me I’m a lot nicer, observing her…I saw that she couldn’t possibly be too far behind. I know for sure she is a great friend to her friends. She's probably great with the kids in the facility she works for. Maybe. It takes one to know one.

         I don't want to hurt people. I should take care of this inner beauty. It is what is important. It is what is worth preserving. It is what is worth being proud of.

         When the party was over, she said goodbye and if smiles were worth ten seconds to a dollar, she flashed me a 10 cents worth.  Good enough.  Then I said “Goodbye, drive safe”.  Did I mean it? YES.

Excuse #542

I’m about as sought-after in the softball field as a tall glass of ice cold Coke on a hot summer day (doused with two tablespoons of mashed-almost-liquefied lamb pancreas, 1 1/2 shots of Parigoric and topped with a generous sprinkle of Borax and 3 pieces of Mentos--ground). I had the privilege to play with my hubby’s co-ed softball team last summer on Tuesdays when their team is short. Me, whose skill is confined to a batting average of 100% -- in hitting flying invisible balls. The only thing I can recall now is how I dragged the team to a few pathetic losses (“You’re already out, Clarisse, you can let go of the bat now…easy..easy…”), because toward the end of the season hubby started coming up with 1001 Time-to-Spare-My-Spouse-(and-me)-from-Embarassment Creatively-simulated Realistic Excuses. One time, his friend J asked, “Do you want to play with us next Tuesday, Clarisse?” and as soon as he overheard this, hubby ran toward us like a victim of an uncontrollable downhill-rolling shopping cart, thereby butting in before I could exercise my freedom of speech, “Her Carpal Tunnel has been acting up and I don’t want her hurting herself any further.”  There goes my softball career.

Fast forward to a year later. Last Tuesday, I was sitting on a bleacher after hubby’s softball game when I overheard the boys talking about the upcoming co-ed league. J (as if he never learned) blurted out, “You're playing with us on co-ed tuesdays, Clarisse!” giving me that “You better do” stare. Or maybe he was just trying to vie for an Oscar – the Most Polite Script Ever Delivered to a Teammate-slash-Friend’s Wife in a sports film Award. Hubby quickly said to me in a loud and thunderous voice audible to anyone within 20,000 miles, “But you’re dancing at the Aloha Festival in SF, you’ve got other shows lined up for the summer, and your classes…your practices fall on the same day!” He even muttered vaguely about a hula competition that hawaiians probably haven't even thought of (LIAR!).  I don’t know if he’s just really being proud of me, OR he is trying to pull off Excuse # 542 of the 1001 Time-to-Spare-My-Spouse-(and-me)-from-Embarassment Creatively-simulated Realistic Excuses. Because I’m pretty sure that if that one didn’t work, he will plot to make my lactose intolerance act up by putting powdered milk in my multi-vitamin pills on Tuesday mornings. Pretty soon, he will be traveling into the future, inventing excuses for sports-related proposals I haven’t even received yet.

I rest my case. I’ll be dancing my way all summer then. I’m about as sought-after in a hula show as gobs of hot white rice anyway.  Plain, but edible at least.

Whew!

Obviously, I am floating merrily at a lucid interval these days. Not exactly bouncing off the walls, but still oooh-ing and yeah-ing at being able to outdo myself in some demands of everyday living, that being a small issue in my daily hum as a workin’ wifey---sans little rascals to contend with at that!

So what’s up with us these days? We’re trying to put an offer for a condo/townhome! TRYING…It’s really a leap of faith for us. We’ve been waiting for Daisy for soooo long (Daisy- that foreclosed house on the next corner from where we live, which I drive by EVERY afternoon after work to make sure no one has bought her yet --apparently, the bank has yet to quote a price-- I named her Daisy the day I found myself talking to it *really* –which I still do everyday…*insane*). Well, we found this small fully-fixed-ditch-the-sweat awesome townhome in Bayfarm…let’s call her Frankie (http://www.pacunion.com/40343677). She’s got more pizzazz than old approachable and conservative Daisy. And like any well-dressed woman on Manolo Blahniks (I can’t believe I’m riding the SATC hype), she will potentially rip us off. But it might be worth it over the long haul. May the best girl win! This house-hunting is truly exhilarating but it does shove us into a state of desperation at times. I do see a light at the end of a tunnel. Do you see that flicker? Over there! Oberder!!!

I’m still having a love affair with the crockpot. And my hubby was cleanin’ scrapin’ and washin’ until his grill went a-shinin’ last weekend. He made grilled steak for supper last Sunday. We’re still gastronomic slaves and we’re liking it!

We’re quite done with long-overdue spring cleaning in “our little studio” (LOL). Quite. Mess throws my mind off-kilter most of the time that I always have to battle a strong urge to retreat to one corner of the room rocking back and forth as overwhelming disorganization abounds. Really. But we’re finally getting ahead, with a better schedule and a slower-paced social life. We’re still working on it. You see, I’m a big fan of flickers at the end of the tunnel (think positive!)…and now a big fan of humongous (and duly-labeled neurotically color-coded) plastic storage bins.

Work. It’s been slow and the economy is going nowhere but plummet south. There’s a soft buzz about shifting into more economical “4/10s” (4 ten-hr days). 3-day weekends forever and ever! Just the mere thought of it already sends me astral-traveling to the mall, the gymn, to Joey (our little bedroom studio--I like giving names now hahaha) to do my sketches and wire craft, and all the way to Hogwarts—that last unread Harry Potter book that’s probably bored-to-death-it-wants-to-set-itself-on-fire on my shelf by now, among others. Or sleeping in on Friday mornings! What joy! Maybe I can find a part-time job on Fridays too! I’m thinking too far. 4/10s will work for me if it happens. As long as everyone’s happy. Well, they gave me this huge box (it was on top of my desk I thought hubby shipped me a present or something--- nice try) of my own personalized business cards last week. I’m casting a good spell on that.

I haven’t bought a single thing for our implement dance in hula class. Not even an ii! I guess I’ll be dancing with imaginary ones again tonight and hope I don’t get penalized for it. I’m pretty good at this pretend stuff anyway *jk*. Imaginary friends like Daisy and Frankie. And dear ol’ Joey.

Frozen

         So I’m really back in the swing of things. I don’t know why I should even make a big deal out of this; I was not gone for eons! But I’m psychotic. LOL. Anyway, last night was hula night. I finally made it. I missed it for two weeks since I got here because the first week: I was sick (real sick) and the second week: I was lazy (a different kind of sick). My middle has gotten so thick (read: fat) that I wasn’t sure if I was fit enough to kaholo. Excuses…

          So I finally dragged myself to the studio last night. I was being a little depressive anyway; I did need a dose of endorphins. It didn’t take long for me to catch up. They did a show while I was gone anyway, so I didn’t miss much…just rehearsals and not a lot of new dances. But they were already starting on the “implement” dance and the other wahines already have their implements and I don’t. I had to dance holding imaginary implements. It’s funny. I felt like a little kid whose parents forgot to send her favorite toy for Show and Tell. Well, in this area, I am my own parent now. I’ll be ordering those a little at a time. Boy, they are expensive! http://www.alohahulasupply.com

         Speaking of parents, I’ve been thinking about them too much lately. I guess that’s why I have been feeling very low. I got married and moved here. The second one followed suit. And now that my youngest sister’s wedding is over, she’s moving with her hubby to his job assignment abroad as well. Reality sets in. My mom had been crying to me (one time saying “wawa mommy, wawa daddy”. My dad, well, he tries to heal his sadness by doing creative things…but I bet he’s lonely just as much. There’s no denying that it seems like we have deserted them one at a time although we never really intended to. I didn’t really intend to. Why would I? But life simply unfolded on its own, a big part of it not being a product of choice. But still, we could have changed some major choices. I could have chosen to stay back home. (But that would have meant turning my back on Aldred---how’s that???). I wish I knew that my other sisters won’t be able to stay eventually. But that’s too selfish of me for thinking they would stay. They have their own love, happiness, dreams and life to pursue. Just like me.

         I’ve been mulling over this since I got back from Philippines. My parents are still strong, but not without challenges to health here and there. Eventually, they will grow older. They will need us more and more --- running the household, maintaining the house(s), going with them on medical check-ups, running errands or just being there to talk to at the end of the day, walking with them and making sure they are alright. But who will be there? In my heart, I really can’t close my eyes to their every emotional and physical need. I can’t shut the door to every knock. But I also can’t travel at every whim. Last night, Aldred brought home my favorite burrito for dinner because it was my hula night. It reminded me how simple but very happy we are. Very happy. But somehow, my happiness doesn’t sit well in the same scheme where my parents aren’t happy. I’m so torn I think I’ll go crazy sometimes. Other people seem to find it easy, perhaps they don’t have as much great family memories to keep. But I can’t judge. Perhaps, they have other reasons.  Financially too, our family is quite comfortable and with a relatively good chance to survive despite a dwindling economy (hopefully) so we were not raised nor groomed to seek greener pastures elsewhere that required air or sea transport as soon as we were launched into the professional arena.  Dynamics-wise, our family isn’t perfect and not without flaw like the occasional psychological games some TV soaps are made of. BUT compared to other units, ours is definitely close to ideal in the happiness spectrum. We’re so way up there, I know it. How could one walk away?

        So maybe, it’s really just about squashing down other feelings in favor of some as one grows older. Still, it doesn’t sit right. I’ve been praying so hard about this. The Bible teaches that marriage is an intimate union. "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife and the two will become one flesh" (Mark 10:7-8) . When you marry, you leave your parents and bond with your spouse. A totally new, intimate union is formed; this union between one man and one woman is meant to last a lifetime. Yesterday, a line in 90210 (yes, the Beverly Hills series!) struck me so timely. Donna’s father said “You’re old enough to stop worrying about your mother and start thinking about your own life”. Is that God responding to my incessant cries? It makes healthy sense. But I guess, in my culture, it still doesn’t fully absolve me. My mom stayed and took care of my grandmother. She was hoping one of us can follow suit. But with the direction my choices have gone, it doesn’t seem to be in the picture just yet. But who knows. I wish I can take care of them. I envy those who are blessed with this opportunity. It could be a struggle I know but it's a blessing nonetheless. No, my parents are NOT demanding from us. In fact, my parents have selflessly let us go…despite their sorrow and feelings of insecurity in their hearts about their own future. With our visits, I hope they see it more as a glass half-full, not half-empty. But then again, that’s a lame way to forcefully adjust their perspective at this point.

        I have great dreams about my own family now. I can’t wait to buy our own place, and we’re getting closer and closer to that dream. I can’t wait to have babies. I can’t wait to travel more. I can’t wait to achieve other promising things with my hubby in the future. I can’t wait, yet in the same breath, I want to freeze time. I wish I can freeze time so my parents will stay young, able and strong forever. If I can keep this scenario at status quo: me being here, them being there, phone calls and some visits to suffice, that would be perfect. But not possible. Am I selfish? What am I so worried about? Am I worried about my parents or am I worried about me? About making eventual sacrifices or going through painful emotional processes here and there. Or maybe I’m worried about them going through those? Or am I just being consumed by guilt and/or succumbing to a guilt trip? Am I trying to carry too much imaginary load on my shoulders again? Maybe I should try to trust my parents more about having the ability and wisdom to transcend through this stage? Am I forgetting to let God direct my movie? Maybe all of the above? This love is so positive yet convoluted. I wish I knew the answers or at least how to numb their feelings and/or my feelings about eventual answers. All I know is, I wish I can be there for them. And I wish I can be here with my husband. I like my life here too. My independence, my freedom, the way of life. I love it. I wish I can be at two places at one time. Help me, I am not a bad child. And I’m trying to be the best wife (and mom) there is. But I’ll be there when and where I’m needed. Promise.

          Lord, I'm lifting up this blog to you. Please direct my movie. But if I can request one thing for the mean time, please let it be a fantasy movie...where I wear a hula skirt that transports me to two places at one time and a tiare on my right ear that gives me the superpowers to freeze time...for a loooooong time.

Purpose

Do you have reasons why you choose certain things over others? I am sometimes biased against people who MUST always have a rationale behind choosing something. I know someone who would always choose to back up to a parking space so the front of his vehicle would point outward, that way “I can drive away real quick in times of emergency”. COOL but UNCOOL. Or “eat a lot of tomatoes, it has Lycopene in it”. I find that too square for me.

I’m usually not picky. To me, I would use tomatoes on my dishes if need be. But I won’t let it rule my life. I usually would let things happen when they happen. I would use things depending on accessibility. Simple. Recently though, I’ve been going gaga over some new stuff! It might be passé for other people…but I just can’t hold it to myself when I get excited! It must be rooting from a fantasy to have my own magazine (okay, what am I up to this time???), I’ve been meaning to write about “PRODUCT PICKS OF THE MONTH” or something in that league. I thought about that (light bulb above my head!) when I first tried the Cholula Hot Sauce. But then again, that’s considered passé since I have been pouring it over my eggs, hashbrowns, pasta, ground meat and anything you can imagine for about a year now. It started when this really nice Mexican server who always had a smile pasted on her face recommended it to me at Tilly’s Diner after I asked for Green Tabasco. I’ve been hooked ever since.

So, I am evolving (we are always evolving, I’m just a little bit on this obvious point right now).  Here are some really good findings I wish to share:

1. The Joys of Crock-Pot cooking. Okay, where have I been? It’s only now that I really truly discovered the joy of slow-cooker cooking..uhrm…slow-cooking.  I would toss all the ingredients into the pot/set it on low for about 8-9.5 hours before taking off for work, and I’d come home to the aroma of a hot and delicious home cooked meal. That gives me at least one or two more free hours after work to do other things instead of devoting it for preparing supper. Two hours are precious if you are a working wifey! What joy! I checked the energy consumption too. (OFCOURSE).  I gathered, based on Typical Appliance Energy Use and Costs, a crockpot uses about 100 Watts while a large electric range uses 2400 Watts. Let’s take a closer look at the formula for average costing:  Watts/1000 x hours = Kilowatt-hours (kWh) x rate = cost.  Ergo, even if a crockpot operates for a longer period of time, it still comes to a smaller figure than a range would in terms of Kilowatt-hours before computing the cost. Lovely!

2. Cross-action Pro-Health Oral-B. Yeah, it sounds more like a new model of Nike running shoes than a toothbrush. I never paid close attention to what kind of toothbrush I use.  But this one, which hubby and I picked at Target hurriedly because we misplaced our toothbrushes after our vacation to the Philippines, just about slapped me on the face, shaking me to reality with the gift of painful guilt over the realization that I have been maltreating my teeth for the past 30some years. For the first time in my whole life, I feel like wanting to keep brushing my teeth over and over simply because it leaves me feeling good each time (uh-oh…compulsion).  Just kidding!  But it sure suggests what it feels like to be a kid discovering the joy of toothbrushing for the first time, with a mickey mouse toothbrush in hand slathered with red-and-white-striped strawberry-flavored toothpaste. I’m not a dentist, but do check it out: http://oralb.com/us/products/manual/crossaction/. Why just brush your teeth when you can clean your whole mouth? It provides 7 oral care benefits to help you achieve a cleaner, healthier mouth. They have to pay me for this.

3. A HUGE personal water jug at work. I just got this yesterday, after a Kidney-ailment-scare at Kaiser last saturday. Apparently, I have not been “watering” myself  enough lately.  Looking back, I think I guzzle only…let’s see: 1 mug of morning coffee, I mug of water for lunch, half a mug of water on my afternoon break, 1 glass of water at dinner, half a glass of water on my bedside to tide me over during the night on dry throat moments. Bad girl. If I was a plant that depended largely on 8 glasses of water a day, I would have transformed into natural fertilizer a long time ago. So I guess this is an experimental solution to my dehydration malady and hefty water quota. I'm so relieved I don't need to stay away from salt just yet. It is a 64oz jug with water level indicators.  It even has a straw and a big handle for convenience. Just remind me not to chew on the straw because it’s just washable, not disposable. It’s cute too! Anyway, check out your IWI (Ideal Water Intake) here: http://wellnessndiet.com/calculators_iwi.php.

Perhaps, I should start making a living by endorsing products. HAHAHA. Or rather, I should start putting more “purpose” into my actions.

Just Snippets

I’m back! And I have managed to bring back a truly crippling upper respiratory condition from the plane that turns me into a mad dog at night and a barking turtle by day. I will be seriously appalled if I have not yet coughed all my brains out by the weekend. There’s still a lot of stuff to pack away, thank goodness there’s the long weekend coming. And I intend to do nothing but stay home and nurse me out of this scary health status. I know the cycle too well.  First, pain while swallowing…then runny nose…then stuffed sinuses…then headache…then fever…then cough. Then cough. Then cough. Then losing my voice.  Then finally bouncing back. I’m transitioning from coughing to losing my voice right now. So hopefully, I’ll be bouncing back gleefully to perfect health before I get arrested for suspected bioterrorism at work.

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I can’t wait to post photos of our vacation in the Philippines . But of course, in accordance with my family’s standards (rooting from my camera-trigger-happy daddy during our childhood days to us girls having inherited the obsession and then us marrying equally camera-trigger-happy hubbies), I need to sort through 7 Gigabytes of unedited shots. Translate: 12 days of fun=10 FULL CDs. I truly had a grand time with my folks and only wish I had more to spend with friends as well.  One great thing that hatched somewhere amongst sight-seeing, shopping or eating though is a plan to come back next year. Hopefully during the Christmas holidays. No wonder hubby started buying lotto tickets yesterday. I’m getting drawn to them scratchers myself…I won $2 yesterday and 1 free ticket. Wish us luck!

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Funny. I just checked out some inactive accounts at work that I need to look closer into. 1998. Inactive. Wow. To me, 1998 doesn't seem jurassic. Not even 1988! Although some of my closest friends were just attending Kindergarten singing I'm a Little Tea Pot in 1988. 1978 perhaps. But yeah, it's 2008 now. It's been a decade since. It feels like 1998 was only like a couple of years ago! I was 25 in 1998, a fully functional adult. I'm a decade older than that now but truthfully, it doesn't seem like it. Perhaps when I'm a decade older than my favorite age (twenty-eight), maybe I should start being alarmed. Nah. It's still just a number.

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Okay, so I just lost 77.8% of my lunch break to a very informative lecture by my new boss about free radicals, three kinds of anti-oxidants, how red wine is so much better than white wine in protecting me (yeah yeah polyphenols like catechins and resveratrol) yeah yeah yeah) and some interesting sales pitches on SEANOL-F that I might want to look into. He was standing by me while I was having my lunch in my cubicle. LOL. But come to think of it...Having smart talk with a smart boss (I realized I can pick his brain and I love picking smart people's brains...) while having my peanuts and Pepsi = COOL.  But anyone bothering me on my sacred lunch breaks = NOT COOL. Not exactly my idea of fun especially when I have a blog to finish.

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Did anyone see Dennis Richmond's last airtime before his retirement? 40 years at KTV-2. Wow. Any tribute and farewell stuff like that make me cry. I'm just glad that they're doing it while he's alive and strong. I hate it when people do tear-jerker audiovisual presentations when it's already too late. You know what I mean.

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Off at 3pm!!! Woohoohoo! It's this Memorial Weekend thingy. I don't know. I don't have plans. I choose to live on an hour to hour basis this week. The farthest thing planned ahead is perhaps...going to bed as soon as I get home. I don't even know what's for dinner.

Hookie at Hookie Lau

Christmas Rush in April. This is what it feels like. I can give Cirque Du Soleil's Kooza juggler a run for his money. Except that I'm really not skillful at this. My pins fly everywhere, or they stay put where they have fallen. Which is pretty much all over the place. Baby plans. Baby Plans. Real estate affairs. Real estate affairs. Family and friends who need my attention -- try to throw a flare up the sky, bright lights tend to attract me. It's crazy. If there's anything pathologic about it, it is my quote/unquote attention deficit (LOL) that makes me function real effectively only in linear paradigms; the same one that exacerbates with multiple stimuli -- a noise barrage of some sort for my serenity-hungry soul which makes me want to curl up in fetal position on learned helplessness mode or simply go wacko wanting to shoot everyone with big tapioca balls from a pink fat straw (ooops, where did that come from?). I try hard (sometimes) and still suck big time.

Last weekend, we flew to LA. This weekend, we're driving to LA. The weekend after that, we're flying to PI! That leaves the weeknights for some last minute tasks (weekdays being devoted for tying loose ends at work before my vacacion grande and writing stupid blogs on breaks). I've so far played hookie at hula for two classes in a row (what!? me missing hula classes?) but it's all worth it. In exchange, I have tackled piles of laundry  -- the Mt. Everest of laundry! -- getting them all ready for our trip. I've shopped here and there for things to bring, but alas, my love-hate relationship with shopping has come back haunting me from the grave (I love retail therapy but having to look around too much burns me out during activity level #86 where I start sliding to being a "list and get it quick, really quick!" person -- again, this stimuli thing). Let's see how I'll hang for the next couple of weeks. I browsed through my past posts and realized that being busy has been a recurrent but always incidental theme. When I come back, I do intend to change the song. Seriously.

Anyhoo...

Here are some good things that keep my spirits high lately, in other words, flowers to smell along the jagged path:

1.) 90210 back to back re-runs while sorting through mail, doing the bills, folding the laundry and making home-cooked suppers. Hubby and I are hooked!

2.) Wire sculpture and wire-wrapping. I'm so obsessed with it. I think one day, I can really claim to be a bonafide "artiste" (not the drama queen type). I've always wanted to be called an artist but didn't know at which art to deserve the title. (Eureka! That explains my cave days! I'm an ARTIST! I'm jumping-clapping my feet-saying heeheeheehaahaahaa-YES! My creative juices overflow at times I want to be alone and just keep creating). And the best compliment I got for some pieces I did?: "Are you in weed or something?" NO, caffeine is my drug of choice. Next to 90210. Thank you.

3.) My sister's wedding. And seeing my family. And friends!

I miss you all.

La Vie En Rose

Memories are pictures of the heart. Here's another casual but special moment I need to take note of. Forgive me for the cheesiness, it's because moments like this is all I can savor for now.

Last night, I had a good casual long distance phone conversation with Daddy. As what we'd always do, we talked about my youngest brother Milo (THE DOG hehehe); we talked about what he has been busy with, the new tiles in the bathroom, his plans for the week; he asked about my new hobby -- wirecrafts/wire art sculpture which I'm so hooked in; most of all, we talked about the new piano pieces he's learning.  We share a common passion for art and piano music and he's always excited to tell me about his new pursuits. His next project is called "La Vie En Rose" and he tried to hum it for me. But just like me, he can't sing. He couldn't even remember the melody at first. I searched online while we were on the phone and played the file for us. I started humming it and he was so happy that I found it.  That got the melody coming back to him and he started humming it with me. Again and again. It was a pretty sight, except that I couldn't see him.  I closed my eyes and tried to let every note sink in. Then we got cut off.  I desperately called back, annoyed that my moment with dad was bummed out by a fluctuating voice over IP signal, actually, I was more afraid that I had lost the moment. But when he picked up, he started humming again. Like he didn't want to lose the moment with me too. When I was still living back home, he would always play the piano for me or I would try to help him tackle difficult music sheets. Last night's phone call assured me that the connection is still there despite the distance. And that we both want to keep it going. It was really nice and comforting. It was really, really special.

He always manages to take the stress out of me. He always manages to make me feel so good without having to do much. See you soon, Daddy. I'll be watching you play.

It's Not a Coincidence

About three weeks ago, my stepdaughter flew here for a visit over the weekend.  We had so much fun that on Sunday afternoon when she was about to fly back to LA, we were scurrying toward the airport check-in counter like nuts. Hubby was so stressed out. We didn’t want her to miss the flight. On the outside, I was as serene as a windless sea, on the inside, I was saying 3,008 different prayers all at once at probably an imaginary 200 decibel scream level. It was partially my fault anyway. It’s always fun to have her around. And the security check queue! How could we have forgotten that almost everyone else was flying out in the peak of spring break? Here was the scenario:

Fifteen minutes to scheduled departure

The security line snaked tenfold.  Hubby and stepdoe went to the line. I was left behind at the main lobby since the airport had to limit the number of adults accompanying minors to the gates due to the thickness of passenger traffic that day. They were still about fifty yards away (well, maybe a little less) from the x-ray machines where shoes, jackets, belts, keys and other gizmos need to be taken off, in a line that was inching forward perhaps only 5 yards every 5 minutes. 15 minutes until take off. You do the math. I couldn’t look at them. It was torture to see them stuck in line.  I couldn’t look at my watch. It was, after all, a futile race. I just kept praying, and praying and praying that they make it to the gate…that she doesn’t miss the plane…that it wouldn’t disrupt her step dad’s schedule, that she won’t miss school yada yada yada, while trying to deflect my ensuing panic by looking at Angelina Jolie and Britney Spears on some magazine covers at the newsstand. 

Five minutes AFTER scheduled departure

I just got myself a cup of coffee by the baggage claim when I got a text message. It was hubby, “D FLIGHT S DELAYD. SHE WIL MAKE IT”.

It’s not a coincidence. 

I might sound too self-absorbed to even think that it was my faith that did it. But sorry, it really makes sense to me.  God granted my wish even before I finished praying for it! The universe conspired, so it seemed, to make my wish come true-- transcending beyond the boundaries of linear time.  The flight has probably long been delayed by the captain, the flight attendants, the mechanics, the air traffic control, without us knowing it. Way before we scurried like nuts to the check-in counter. But we didn't know that. 

Don’t you notice?

This happens to us most of the time, don’t you notice?  We pray so hard for something even if as it eventually turns out, the answers have long been ready. It simply unfolds at the right time, in our human time. The wish is granted before the wish ever comes. In our world, our mind works and likes to interpret things in accordance with the laws of “time in succession”; cause before effect. To me and my strange scheme of things and in a deeper and rather philosopical reckoning, the logic or rationale behind events that happen MOST LIKELY DEFIES THIS (ergo: cause before effect OR effect before cause--it doesn't matter, backward, forward OR at random shots, anything is possible).  Why do we need to pray then if things seem to have been pre-destined? No, I seriously don’t think that things are even pre-destined at all.  God orchestrates this mystery of gargantuan proportions with different purposes beyond our understanding. To marry up philosophy, theology and psychology might be beyond my cerebral limits. But one thing I believe I’m getting at, in a rather simple perspective is God encourages us to experience and enjoy the different colors of life through events that happen in our lives and to paint a beautiful picture that is actually in our hands, with the aid of Divine guidance and intervention when necessary ---after all, God never leaves us alone especially in very trying endeavors.  He makes us realize what we want given our own unique selves and to stand up for what we want the most and rejoice at getting them ---or even appreciate NOT getting them, even as an afterthought.  He wants us to develop an appreciation of life, and in effect guides us in writing the most beautiful life stories ever told.  He makes all these possible by giving us the gift of FAITH. It is faith that, to us, moves mountains and does other grand and extra-ordinary things like stop airplanes from taking off to make way for someone dear, one single person amongst hundreds. Faith is like the background music to each dance of life.

I should be thankful now then.  I should consider all my prayers, wishes, my deepest yearnings granted now. It’s only a matter of time.  “People-time”.

Dear Miss May Ann,

Hi there. I miss you. I miss those days at The Medical City. In our Shrink Cubes. You are one of those who listen really well...not just someone I just need to (always) listen to.

Of speed and stoplights

It's been three weeks since my last post that hopefully made sense and I'm feeling a bit rusty already. Not that I have sharp writing skills to begin with *wishful thinking* but you know what I mean. Gee, I'm so blocked out! My life is on fast forward mode again, with the upcoming trip to Philippines, my new assigned tasks at work (more dough=more sweat, how did I not consider that? but okay, I'd rather have it that way), and some other things that leave me questioning, "where hath all my minutes gone?"

Laugh Therapy!

It's not the first time I'm re-posting one of these here. They always crack me up.

Have fun reading! And I hope you laugh. I hope you laugh...

ONE-POINT DARES
1) Run one lap around the office at top speed.

2) Ignore the first five people who say 'good morning' to you.

3) Phone someone in the office you barely know, leave your name and say, "Just called to say I can't talk right now. Bye."

4) To signal the end of a conversation, clamp your hands over your ears and grimace.

5) Leave your zipper open for one hour. If anyone points it out, say, "Sorry, I really prefer it this way."

6) Walk sideways to the photocopier.

7) While riding in an elevator, gasp dramatically every time the doors open.

TWO POINT DARES

1) Say to your boss, "I like your style" and shoot him with double-barreled fingers.

2) Babble incoherently at a fellow employee then ask, "Did you get all that, I don't want to have to repeat it."

3) Page yourself over the intercom (do not disguise your voice).

4) Kneel in front of the water cooler and drink directly from the nozzle (there must be a 'non-player' within sight).

5) Shout random numbers while someone is counting.

FIVE POINT DARES

1) At the end of a meeting, suggest that, for once, it would be nice to conclude with the singing of the national anthem (5 extra points if you actually launch into it yourself).

2) Walk into a very busy person's office and while they watch you with growing irritation, turn the light switch on/off 10 times.

3) For an hour, refer to everyone you speak to as "Bob."

4) Announce to everyone in a meeting that you "really have to go do a number two."

5) After every sentence, say 'Mon ' in a really bad Jamaican accent. As in "The report's on your desk, Mon." Keep this up for 1 hour.

6) While an office mate is out, move their chair into the elevator.

7) In a meeting or crowded situation, slap your forehead repeatedly and mutter, "Shut up, all of you just shut up!"

8) At lunchtime, get down on your knees and announce, "As God as my witness, I'll never go hungry again."

9) In a colleague's DAY PLANNER, write in the 10am slot: "See how I look in tights." (5 Extra points if it is a male, 5 more if he is your boss)

10) Carry your keyboard over to your colleague and ask, "You want to trade?"

11) Repeat the following conversation 10 times to the same person: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now."

12) Come to work in army fatigues and when asked why, say, "I can't talk about it."

13) Posing as a maitre d', call a colleague and tell him he's won a lunch for four at a local restaurant. Let him go.

14) Speak with an accent (French, German, Porky Pig, etc) during a very important conference call.

15) Find the vacuum and start vacuuming around your desk.

16) Hang a 2' long piece of toilet roll from the back of your pants and act genuinely surprised when someone points it out.

17) Present meeting attendees with a cup of coffee and biscuits, smashing each biscuit with your fist.

18) During the course of a meeting, slowly edge your chair towards the door.

19) Arrange toy figures on the table to represent each meeting attendee, move them according to the movements of their real-life counterparts.

Top Ten

Top Ten Things in my mind at this very moment:

1. The Jollibee Chickenjoy and Spaghetti dinner I just ate.

2. The Jollibee Chickenjoy and Spaghetti combo again for tomorrow's lunch at work. Yippy!

3. We finished one tahitian dance in class tonight for the upcoming ho'ike. I'm gonna miss it though since I'll be in PI! (Good thing, I'm still not coconut-bra worthy)

4. My new projects at work. These have been consuming me lately I'm tempted to work even on coffee and lunch breaks. That makes me the SQUARE ASIAN NERD. Loosen up, gurl, before your co-worker throws the stapler at you...

5. The lost files! How can I recover some of the files I lost this afternoon. I hate doing the same things all over again...

6. The grand vacation in PI this May. Two weeks...only two weeks.  Bummer. Better than nothing. Pritson, here I come!

7. Anthony Bourdain on TV. FRANCE. I'll see you soon. Oysters for breakfast. Wait, did I hear that right?

8. Last weekend. Busy. This coming weekend. Busy. When will I ever be NOT BUSY???

9. Clothes for pick-up at the drycleaners tomorrow. And perhaps a lil shopping at South Shore. Hmmm. Let's see how I can pull that off. We've been kinda...uhrm, uhm...hella...broke lately.

10. Obviously I don't have much to say lately. Ergo, this list. I've had too much to do at work these past days I can't even post anything decent here. I don't even have time to trim my bangs in my cubicle anymore. Hahaha.

Til next time. When I have the time. *SIGH*

Lenten Thoughts

         I never fully understood the concept of “sacrifice”, the whole theology of it and everything, although I practiced it without question all my life being raised as a Catholic. What I knew was that it is a way of thanking God and showing Him my love.  And that at some point our chosen “sacrifice” may benefit someone in need, which is the main thrust of Christianity.  Some would even add that we might get some blessings in return for our offering.

Until one sunday’s homily at St. Barnabas’ clarified it for me.  I learned that above all else, the act of sacrifice “puts us in union with Christ in His suffering on the Cross.” It makes us one with Him; it nourishes and fosters our loving relationship with Him as when we do things to cultivate our other personal relationships.  It is a form of “COMMUNION” – a spiritual unity with Christ, in His act of giving His life to save us.

I have learned that the Season of Lent, where we traditionally make these little sacrifices, gives us the opportunity to remember and have this special communion with Christ.  It is when it’s no longer about us nor our own sufferings in this world. It is all about His suffering and death on the cross.

It speaks of this love greater than all the loves on earth put together, a love beyond understanding.  What can we do to let this Great Love in?

Dingy

Dingy – a person of supreme idiocy

While it’s still fresh, I might as well talk about how I almost yanked my head off coming into the house.  Kidding -- no I’m not!  Last week, both of my hands were full of odds and ends (grocery bags, lunch box, work purse etc) which I wanted to superwoman my way lugging them all at one time to save multiple trips to the car. My motley of keys is strung together by a blue neckband and I decided to leave it strapped around my neck while unlocking our front door.  Normally, the repertoire of door-opening maneuvers concerning our front door would require steroid-aided STRENGTH (key in, twist to right, turn knob while applying pressure, push door with left shoulder—repeat if necessary; kick when desperate). That day since only my feet were free, I bent forward to insert the key and gave the door a powerful push with my foot (okay, “kick” was more like it). In an instant, the door SWUNG wide open in one very smooth sliding WOOSH! I forgot that hubby already fixed the hinges a few weeks back. And I forgot that my neck was still attached to the keys --and the doorknob.  I felt like a cartoon character.  The door pulled me into the house like an ultra-hospitable hostess at uber level, head first.

I’m dingy like that.

Let me tell you how last Thursday, I showed up for a Kaiser lab test appointment diligently early but in a different location. I even asked the lady at the desk, “Excuse me, where is the Gastroentorology department?” while showing her my appointment card.  The lady said “oh, it’s in Hayward , it should be in your card.” You bet it was! Good thing, Union City wasn’t too far.  We made it in time…hubby was driving for me (while I was driving him crazy).

I’m also dingy like that.

             There are other times though, I must admit that I just like to play “dingy”. Well, not really.  But being new when I just arrived in the US allowed me to enjoy that comfortable period where “not knowing or having little sometimes-funny-and-cute-sometimes-not-really-funny-at-all mistakes” is forgivable because I was wet-behind-the-ears-new at most things.  But I’m a little bit over that anxious “period of adjustment and ignorance”.  I realized I still like to ask questions and play innocent on some facts and issues. Like a sponge, I like to absorb information (and observe people). Plus I hate having to argue, so sometimes it’s better to play, let’s put it this way, “uninformed” hahaha *evil*  and subsequently cut discussions short (or whisk me off sticky situations without a sweat). That way too, it’s easy to distinguish who among the people I mingle with are genuinely brilliant and those who are pretending to be smart-wanting-to-ALWAYS-prove-they-know-something-smart-a$$es.  Most of the time, I see those who simply have a big heart trying to help a newbie out. So normally, my saying, “really is that so?” is my way of seeing who’s going to burst into a diarrhea of information that is simply a subliminal egotistic surge (this rewards me with good internal laughter) or who’s going to give me the “I-know-you-can-completely-grasp-so-this-is-gonna-be-brief” orientation on things (the real wise slice of the populace).

Maybe I’m a clever person pretending to be real dingy (that way, screw-ups ain’t obvious and penalizing).WHO DOESN'T WANT TO BE CUTE ONCE IN A WHILE??? HAHAHA OR…

Maybe I’m really one dingy life form disguised as a clever person who pretends to be dingy.

Sometimes, could be just plain apathetic.

I’m convoluted like that. We’ll never know. I don’t know? LOL.

miscellanea

Three things why I can’t really lose weight:

1. Monica gave me two slices of her pizza for lunch. You would think I was going to give up at least half of my chowmein lunch before I got down to pizza-eating business. No.

2. I was supposed to walk half my lunch break off today. But then, the pizza.

3. I am so lazy. Dang Moe, you served me pizza on our company’s lunchroom china. Ergo, the chore of washing it during my coffee (non-coffee) break when I could be nesting on my seat incubating fat cells. You know, pizza. Good pizza!

Three things why I’m excited about the weekend:

1. My hula performance tomorrow and I have a truckload of relatives who are watching.

2. Falafel Drive-In in San Jose! (if we have time to eat there)

3. My costume! I’m wearing a red ahuroa dress, a tiare (flower) on my right ear…they say all hula wahines are always “available” weehee, and the hula hair! (big puffy frizzy lengths – I should start setting it by braiding the corn rows tonight). And by the way, yes, the costume makes my heart jump –- I feel like a 6-year old all over again.

Three things why I can’t wait to come home today:

1. I need to check if I have enough hair rubberbands to hold my braids tonight. I can’t go to the last minute rehearsals in the morning with my braids clamped by a smorgasbord of hair implements like my head is one over-decorated whore octopus.

2. Hubby promised me a simple dinner date at Pasta Pomodoro tonight. Shall I go out with my octopus hair on? I wonder what outfit will look good with it…

3. I need to use the bathroom soon. You know, pizza.

The Sunday Choir Lady

It seems that 1 of every 5 people I bump into has the “smart a$$” blood running in his veins. What gives? They are either spewing “smart A" remarks at people or, inundating the world with “hello, duh, what were you thinking?” insults, seemingly believing that they are perfect, godly creatures out to ridicule the less perfect mortals. For instance, I overheard a not-so-pretty woman comment on a not-so-pretty woman (same boat! gee…) but with disheveled hair to a crowd of twelve, “can somebody phu-leez donate a hairbrush to her???”

I’m not like that. I may be witty in my writings but I’ll make fun of myself before I am even caught attacking people in reckless mockery. I’m not perfect. Well, who is?

HOWEVAH!!!...

Last Sunday at church, either the “smart A$$” factor has truly rubbed off on me, or the devil was at work (again?), perched on my shoulder. OR MAYBE THE CHOIR LADY WAS REALLY JUST SINGING OFF-KEY!@#$%*&@#!  Alas! I finally realized why for one Sunday too many, it always felt that something was always horribly NOT going right. She has a good soprano-ish voice, yes, but most high notes fall flat. She must have a penchant for singing second voice all-throughout!!!  My unquenchable rage formed into a ball that I wanted to throw at her when I saw how she would occasionally slave-drive, direct and correct the choir members. (I figured this one furtive sneer I caught from a choir member some months ago wasn’t totally unfounded).

Or maybe it’s just me. Okay, my ears are off-key.  !?@#$%!&*@!

But yeah, she’s doing her best. She’s doing her best at what makes her happiest. How can I oppose that? And she’s serving God and God’s people. Plus her sweet smile oozes with unwavering dedication to the church. How can I go up against that?

I love to write and I love to dance. Though I’m not exactly the best there is, I’m over the moon when I do them.

What if someone says I simply can’t?

Boredom Buster

…it’s tax season and our business is slow…hecka slow…and so i’m so hecka bored!

...when someone like me finally crosses that thin line to boredom, that means it’s totally freaking boring!!! 2 minutes more and i’ll have my coffee break (how ironic since i gave up caffeine, yes, that includes tea and chocolate products for what seems like 20 million years ago)…so i just started writing this. writing gets me into a time warp of sorts. hopefully in the next jiffy, i’ll be strutting down the aisles of Safeway picking out stuff to cook for the whole week…oh yeah, i’m making mini baked crabmeat frittata sometime this week for brunching, snacking and boredom (duh!) purposes. hubby’s so excited because he likes to throw it on top of his rice, laced with Mexican Cholula hot sauce –  fusion cuisine, babie!

…i just made a geeky discovery while i’m on this boredom thingy.  i was flipping and twirling my pen between my index and middle finger, baton-style and noticed that the pen looks animated (like you see a bunch of pen images at every angle of the flip similar to several cartoon frames that didn’t transition smoothly —like it was doing a fast statue dance---what you look like under a flickering white strobe light in a club) when you twirl it in front of a computer monitor. and i noticed that it doesn’t do that when you twirl it against the fluorescent desk light…or the view of the ceiling or my co-worker's face. i tried it halfway in front and halfway off and i see the big difference. i noticed that anything you move across the computer monitor produces the same image behavior, like when you wag your hand repeatedly in front of it for instance. are you trying it right now?

…my co-worker just caught me doing it while trying a couple more disturbing stunts. i won’t be surprised if within the next few hours, dark-suited men wearing sunglasses will come marching through the glass doors of my workplace (no, wait, that’s a different movie); dragging me away to an asylum where they house people who develop startling behavioral deviations during their coffee, uh uhrm, non-coffee breaks.

Amazing "Rays"

The first turn I make on the way home from work gets me driving into the sunset everyday. It's always an amazing view by the bay...San Francisco skyline on my right, hills on my left, infinity up ahead, the water uniting all these and of course, the setting sun.

Today, I think I saw one of the most amazing things! It had been cold, gray and occasionally raining today. Picture this, while I was driving facing the bay toward the water (the road Ts to the left and right), the sky was so gray but there was a hole in the middle as if it just ripped open.  The sun shone through that bright hole, the light piercing into some clouds splitting into five maybe seven very prominent golden rays which seemed to spill shimmering silver dust on the farther side of the ocean. It was one huge pool of shining liquid light at the tip of the rays, as if a silver layer was laid on top of the water. A silver lining, literally! Before my very eyes...

I was so awed I stopped a little bit longer than what is required at the stop sign before I finally turned right. (I tried my best to dig for my camera-phone, but I realized it wouldn't do the awesome sight any justice anyway).

I knew I should have brought my camera! I always regreted not having it each time I saw a beautiful sunset but I keep forgetting.  Now I don't have anything to share with you.  *frown*

Today, I was sooooo close to capturing a picture of God. I'll always bring my camera from now on. I'll be His paparazzi. Hopefully next time, I'll finally catch Him in action.

For Toni

Just a little something which a young "friend" asked from me. My response to her thoughts:

HEY THERE! I guess one big reason why I'm drawn to your blogs is because they make me retrace the steps I made in the same school halls...18 1/2 friggin' yrs. ago (I would have raised one almost grown up person since then) and this is my post-"you at the present"-me wanting to share what I've learned thus far (not by books, but by experience):

1. Fear is USUALLY bigger than the actual situation --most of the time! but fear is healthy, it drives us to do more...in order to achieve a fearless/painless state (our perceived success). Hate to burst that bubble but once we get into the next step...there's more fear-inducing things...it's a life-long process/cycle of facing and overcoming. It is one of the catalysts of GROWTH. and to grow is something we do for life. (which gets us to #2)

2. The challenges in school get us ready for the real-life challenges out there (it makes us feel more confident in tackling them because we know we've been there, done that...lalala)..it also holds true when we take the challenges of the first job...then when we proceed to the next..and unto the next (why do you think there is such a cliche as "LIFE IS A SCHOOL" --because it rings a hell lot of truth in it, from generation to generation.

3. Get the "chess game" mindset. If you think they are outsmarting you...try to look for ways to outsmart them...rather than get intimidated. No one else can judge your capabilities (nor put you down) but teachers have a right for now...that's what they are there for!!! as long as it still is a healthy challenge --and is not truly EXTREMELY morally and psychologically damaging. (you know what I mean)...give them that right for now. It's what the tuition is for. The universe conspires to make things happen around you because you need it, ergo, God feels you need it...in a religous point of view, He is getting you ready for something bigger. That's something for certain.

4. 18 years from now now..or even 5, maybe even 3, your teacher's opinion or grades won't matter. (but it's up to you if you want to keep that engraved in your heart forever)...while it is good to get good grades and be a diligent student (it's all about your participation now in the formation of the future "you"---and good grades will get you a better job than others in some cases...better job=better opportunities; and ofcourse, wouldn't it be nice to look back one day to your academic accomplishments and be a role model to your offsprings)...BUT one day, what will matter is what you will do at that present moment in the future...you will be dealing with more personalities: boss, spouse, kids (for them you will be boss!!!hahaha), co-workers etc. and what will matter is what kind of person you will be (values and all), in real-life situations.

5. Always remember, just because in someone's eyes, you are not good enough, it doesn't mean you aren't good enough.  It's their standards...not yours.  What matters is that you know you always do your best with your God-given gifts.

6. Deal with your thesis and make sure you know everything when you defend it...even the most trivial little things, formulas --you gotta understand.

8. Relax

9. Smile!

10. I'm proud of you!!!

(I just realized I forgot #7. You see, it's okay to fail. We're only human. Just don't be a "loser")

Best of luck!!!

PS...just do your best for now. whether you succeed or not --but most people who do their best succeed...when you do an assessment of things, if you've gone in that direction of doing your best, you'll realize that there is nothing else you could have done no matter what the outcome will be. You can make peace with that.

Wanted: A Smarter GPS

            We went house-hunting last Sunday and we got a “little” lost. But we had the GPS on! These navigating thingamabobs may be infamous for making you take the traditional long winding route to a destination, but in the end, still gets you to where you want to go, doesn’t it?

            It isn’t the first time that hubby did not listen to the GPS!  Let me put it this way, it’s not the first time that hubby “disagreed” with the GPS and followed his own satellite coordinates (ego-experience-skill triangulation?)

            What is with men and their navigating pride-slash-arrogance? It’s an accepted fact that they will refuse to ask for directions no matter what it takes…but “verbally” argue with the GPS? Really???

            I just watched the debate quietly in the passenger seat.

Presenting the Cyborg-ish Voice vs. The Hard-headed Driver:

GPS:                 *Prepare to turn right*

Hubby ignores the turn.

GPS:                 *Route re-cal-cu-la-tion*

Hubby keeps on going.

GPS:                 *In 100 yards, turn right*

Hubby:             You’re showing me the wrong way.

Hubby turns left.

Hubby:             I know it’s off

Park St

.

GPS:                 *Turn back*

*Wifey in her mind, “whatever…just keep on going guys while I enjoy the show.”

GPS:                 *Route re-cal-cu-la-tion*

Hubby:             Shut up! You’re showing me the wrong way!

GPS:                 *Turn back*…*Turn back*….*Turn back*…*Turn back*…*Turn back*….*Turn back*…*Turn back*…*Turn back*….*Turn back*…*Turn back*…*Turn back*….*Turn back*

          
After a few more “interesting” moments, I finally heard, “You have arrived at your destination.”  That left me wondering, who brought me to my destination, The Cyborg-ish Voice or the The Hard-headed Driver???

What if a GPS can be really smarter, assertive and more logical? Like maybe one day, we can use a talking-back GPS…something with a more assertive software that can say “NO” or “WHAT DID I SAY, I TOLD YOU TO TURN BACK,” or something like “NO, I’M THE BOSS.  YOU SHUT THE FREAK UP!” Or how about one with a built-in fist that can launch a punch on the nose when you get too stubborn?  That would be a GPES - Global Positioning Entertainment System - for me.

It’s just a suggestion. Got any ideas?

   

Arue te Atua poiete

Someone asked me if I was going to do hula for a long time. My answer was “I dunno”. Hubby and I made a pact that if our personal activities (my hula, his softball, my blogging, his internet-surfing, etc) “get in the nerves” of our relationship or family life schedule-wise, it will be time to toss it down to the bottom of our list. It isn’t the point of my “I dunno” though.  I dunno.  Things can change. Maybe one day I won’t like it anymore. Or I can’t physically do it. Or my halau for some reason packs up. I dunno. I studied the old 60-ish lady kaholo-ing beside me last night. Who knows, maybe I’ll even do it forever. I know at this point that I want to. But I dunno...

        

My life has been a list of finished projects and the un.  Went to school, played the piano, finished college, got great jobs, did all that. I excelled at my work, but left some. I took masteral studies but aborted right before thesis writing (got whisked off by love *regretful* – just a wee bit).  So yeah, I have my share of unfinished business here and there. But looking back, the remorse is little.  And I refuse to say that I have the heart of a loser.  As an ordinary (not completely unskilled or ignorant) person loving life, I try to live it to the fullest by exploring different things if not necessarily seeing the end in some. Bad.  Bad???

        

Never leave stuff half-baked in most of life’s endeavors. That’s ideal. But I believe that when we can’t help it, it’s okay to stop at some point when we know we’ve gotten what we wanted or needed, or that we’ve given enough. The picture always changes. The situation shifts, or we do.  It’s rather too personal a journey which social norms can’t dictate. Just because one studied to be a lawyer doesn’t mean he should be punished if he chooses to be a circus performer later on in his life. It is all about following one’s heart’s desires—WHEN YOU CAN AFFORD TO. Our lives consist of hits and misses.  Come to think of it, misses pave the way for searching new opportunities that end up giving us joy –-even the teeny tiniest ones are classified under the “Successes” column. So for whatever it has been, forgive yourself and move on to the next. There is a multitude of options waiting to be tapped.

When my youngest sister was little, she said “This year I’m doing ballet, next year Tae Kwon Do…15 years from now I’ll be an archaeologist, 20 years…I’ll travel the world…” Being the oldest one raised in a strict and structured environment, my little sister taught me how to think outside the box. Don’t get me wrong, I had a beautiful, pleasant, wholesome and peaceful childhood…though I must say, sheltered and a bit single-tracked, experience-wise.  Hmmm, did my little sister actually set me free?

         Now, my life is full of experimenting forward, and analyzing backward. Without losing the balance of course. Planning and foresight are necessary too. I’m aware of the things I want to do but still uncertain of the order and I’m looking forward to discovering more. I play it by ear depending on the circumstances on my plate. Now I’m focusing on my role as a “workin’ hula-hottie-chefy-wifey hoping to be a mommy someday soon”. You know what, when I’m 80, I’ll finally realize what I have always wanted to do on the side “when I grow up” by looking back and picking my favorites.  For now, I’ll keep doing, being, and living. Maybe hula today---let me do that one show and I'll be content (maybe), Arnis/stickfighting tomorrow (still want to go back to it when my wrist gets better), learn French (even after almost 6 months of audio tape all I can say today is “Bonjour”!!!), and yes, my own art exhibit. Even watching the sunset from different places has a spot in my goal list!  Professionally, I’m done being a Sales Manager, a psychologist-in-training, a teacher. But personally, I’m still all of those---will always be. I want to be a licensed therapist/counselor/life coach one day. Or something close to it, like finally publish that book. (Hey am I not starting now?)

        

My grandmother always said “A rolling stone gathers no moss”. At some point, you realize this may hold significance, but not always. It doesn’t make me jack of all trades master of none. My experiences will only make me multi-talented (and fulfilled). My cousin tells his teenage son “I don’t care what you plan to do, as long as you don’t stop doing something.” In other words…LIVE.

        I might neither be a genius nor a gifted child but when I grow up…uhrm, I mean, get older, I’ll be a master of LIFE, the best school in the world. I will not change this picture.

Happy Valentine's Day

I found the perfect valentine card for hubby at Target last Monday. It says:

For My Husband, My Soulmate

If we had never met,

I don’t know what I’d do…

 

I mean, who would I be my true, silly self with?

Who would I drag along on all my whimsical adventures?

Who would be my voice of reason?

Who would I tell my spontaneous revelations to?

Who would help me analyze all my troubles?

Who would know just the right thing to say to make me smile?

Who else would love and appreciate me just the way I am?

Who would be all you are to me---

My husband, my soul mate, my very best friend?

          How can Hallmark know exactly what I want to say?

L.A.

         My mind is filled with thoughts of Chicken Teriyaki at this hour. And coffee.  Coffee! It’s been almost a week since I had my last cup and I’m already losing my mind, especially because I work down the street from the headquarters of Pete’s Coffee. One more day without my caffeine fix and you’ll have to lug me out of this madness…in a straitjacket (duh!). My head hurts, I’m feeling so lethargic, and I’m oh so achy all over. Really!  Does one really get withdrawal symptoms from caffeine? I feel like my head is going to burst.  Inward. So yes, maybe. 

          But I had a real tiring week too ---when do I have one that isn't?  My inner psyche (well, is there an outer psyche?)…is screaming for a quiet weekend to myself again (here comes the cave lady).  Hopefully, this coming long weekend.  President’s Day on Monday…hip hip hooray! Not that it means anything to me –yet. All that matters is I get a day off from work, and hopefully I’ll get to stay home to attend to personal stuff, for once. 

          Hubby and I went to L.A. last weekend. We visited my stepdaughter and watched her color guard debut competition last Saturday.  It was really lovely and I’m so glad we came!  They rocked! They won! The rest of Saturday I spent taking her and a nephew to the Ontario Mills mall (my mall!!!) while hubby snoozed in the hotel -–the 6-hr+ drive ain’t a piece of cake, especially if you have to do it by yourself with wifey transforming into an inanimate object in the passenger seat --snoring.  Shopping was a blast, though it left us with a disease called “Funds-ah-lo” heehee. And Ayres Suites! Our second home down south.  The scents in the hotel (uhm, carpet cleaners, is it? I’m weird huh), the clean suite, the crisp linens, the elevator, the fitness center, the breakfast buffet and even the fresh bar of oatmeal soap in the lavatory…they are all my friends who always wait for my visit and welcome me with open arms.

          Saturday night, we finally…finally…finally…went back to The Yard House.  It’s a Restaurant and Bar located in Victoria Gardens , an open-air town center at the heart of a 160-acre main street community located in Rancho Cucamonga .  I had Scallops and Crimini mushrooms with Orzo pasta and vodka cream sauce, and a Pomegranate Martini.  The contrast in the taste and texture of the food and drink is mind-bending! Hubby opted for Seared Ahi with black bean sauce and grilled asparagus, a real winner. The one-hour wait and the price we paid was all worth it (once a year haha). Dessert was at Pinkberry’s, where we got frozen yogurt topped with fresh fruit (oooh  lala).  Sunday morning, it was the usual breakfast of eggs, sausages, hash browns and French toast at Ayres Suites. Then we hit the hotel gymn for an hour (no wonder my calves are so sore right now). The visit to L.A. wouldn’t be complete without a visit to Toto’s Lechong Manok in West Covina for lunch –-simple everyday Filipino food at its authentic best! Then dessert of Halo-Halo at Chowking. And a short look at Manila Gifts, a Filipino store next door where you can find DVDs of pinoy movies, capiz this, capiz that, Johnson’s Baby Cologne, Eskinol, pH Care, sebo de macho (!?), chin-chun-su (!?!?), down to the ol’ reliable walis…and UP, Ateneo, and De La Salle stickers (!?!?!?).

          Then we headed back to Corona to bring step-doe back to their house (mom, stepdad and lil sis, people I always look forward to seeing in L.A.) Halfway back up north, we stopped by Love’s at Lost Hills.  It’s my favorite pitstop. Hubby said he’s not surprised because the convenience store smells like ShoeMart.  We picked up a quick snack of  Fried Jalapenos and Mozarella sticks with Broncoberry sauce at Arby’s then headed straight home.  I’m sad that one step in this routine fell out recently…We don’t usually make it to Harris Ranch for dinner anymore because they close before we reach them. We made it home at 10:45p, one of the earliest arrivals among our recent trips so far. Went to bed then went to work the next day – yesterday.

          I was just remembering.  While we were at breakfast at Ayres Suites last Sunday, my stepdaughter blurted out, “My dad’s lucky to have you.”

          In each walk we take in our life, we may find ourselves doing the same routine repeatedly.  Each experience and memory though, are always different.