My Heart...My Home...

I'm home.

Pilipinas Kong Mahal

All my bags are packed, I'm ready to go.
I'm standing here outside your door
I hate to wake you up to say Goodbye

But the dawn is breaking it's early morn
The taxi's waiting he's blowin' his horn
I'm ready I'm so lonesome I could die

CHORUS
So kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you'll wait for me
Hold me like you'll never let me go
'cause I'm leaving on a Jet Plane
I don't know when I'll be back again
Oh babe I hate to go

Ah-ah-ah-ahhh

There's so many times I've let you down
So many times I've played around
I tell you now they don't mean a thing

Everyplace I go I'll think of you
Every song I sing I'll sing for you
When I come back I'll wear your wedding ring

CHORUS

Now the time has come to leave you
One more time let me kiss you
Then close your eyes and I'll be on my way

Dream about the days to come
When I won't have to leave you alone
About the times that I won't have to say

CHORUS

I'm leaving on a Jet Plane
Don't know when I'll be back again
Oh babe I hate to go.

(And I'm) Leaving on a jetplane (repeat)

Goodbye, Taal.  Til we meet again...

Woman...Me

ZZZzzzZZZ...

this one's pretty retarded:

...happened twice now...i eat a lot of chinese food (or is it just the seafood dishes?)...and the same bodily phenomenon happens to me...exactly the same order of events too...first i eat, then i get lost in all that eating, therefore i keep doing it, *LOLz*...and as soon as i wash it all down with soda, i feel something weird inside my head...as if a virtual roman candle/fire cracker materializes from somewhere deep in the convolutions of my cerebrum then shoots up hitting the top of my skull from within...exploding into a spray of tiny stars (happy 4th of july, brain!)...hello, ofcourse that is just my sick imagination attempting to describe how this chopstick-inspired dizziness spell begins with me...and how does it end?...me being totally knocked out, barely making it home...and falling into instant delta-sleep...believe me, this can give demerol a run for its money...then, after being sort of unconscious for about 10-15 years, i mean minutes...i wake up again.

what the hell is that??? is it just me? some say it's the seafood (info: seafood has a lot of allergens so the body produces drowsiness-causing anti-histamines to counter them, even if one isn't clinically allergic)...maybe that's what makes one sleepy...but wait, i didn't eat a lot of seafood that day...maybe it's the MSG...

Mono-Sodium-Glutamate?...or My Severe Gluttony???

i won't be surprised with the answer...   *sigh*

__________________________________________________________________________

By the way, I wanna say hi and thanks to Ging and Gina and the rest of my "ka-Friendsters" for taking the time out to read my blogs, post comments or send me sweet notes in my inbox.  You just don't know it, but you're making me really happy!

The Voice of Twilight

Recently, Daddy handed me a copy of an official document which I am not really interested about at this point. It was a freshly drawn contract between him and an american vehicle company which was going to lease our property for their showroom, sales/after-sales and customer service departments.  He gave copies to my two sisters as well. I accepted it as casually as he handed it while he said, "I am giving this because the lease contract is for twenty years and you have to know these things including the escalation agreement and other details".  He said it as matter-of-factly as he could but it didn't take me more than five seconds to get the message.  Twenty years.  He is 69 right now.  Mommy is 65. In twenty years, he will be 89...Mommy 85.  He didn't want to verbalize it but it was short of saying...by the time the contract expires, will they ever be around still? 

My early childhood memories flashed before me, where before Superman and Wonderwoman, my first superheroes were Daddy and Mommy.  They were big and strong and could even make anything possible.  Even a soft blow on a cut on my finger could make the pain go away, or a school project would be completed overnight on my last minute notice.  I felt a jolt in the pit of my stomach as I held the document that Daddy handed me.  All of a sudden, I am made to swallow the sad news that my greatest heroes are humans just like me.  I was coming face-to-face with their mortality. Even with my own, although this doesn't as much bother me compared to realizing that someday, my "Dah" and "Mee-mah" will grow older...and weaker...and even succumb to the  superheroes' final battle (oh, I can't even say it). It is part and parcel of the cycle of life.  It is something all of us have to face and prepare for.  I just never imagined it holding true in my own immediate family. The lease contract burst my bubble.

All my life, I have always tried to be a good child to them.  BUT, all these new thoughts made me feel that I have not done enough. And it's not even as a debt-payback.  It is for the simple reason that they deserve only the best, simply for being themselves.  Time is running.  I still have a lot of work to do. I will love them and serve them unconditionally while I still can (despite faults, occasional temper tantrums, adult memory lapses, the infamous consequences of generation gap, technological ignorance, blunders and all). 

I know that forever will never be enough, but I will try my best while I can, every moment, every second. 

Ma and Da, I'm sorry if I have not done enough. I LOVE YOU BOTH WITH ALL MY HEART. AND THANK YOU FOR ALWAYS BEING THERE FOR ME.

Let's play!

"We don't stop playing because we get old ... We get old because we stop playing."

— CATHERINE GLENNIE

The Great Wall

Heights don't scare me.  (I may not be as kick-ass as I dream to be but yeah, heights don't scare me).  There's a bunch of technically "less-threatening" things that scare the wits out of me, and that...I am embarassed to tell.

So wall-climbing had been one of the things in my To Do list for a long, long time.  I grabbed the opportunity yesterday as a spur of the moment thing.  I was in muscle-mode anyway, after hitting the gymn with my buddies.

I was so excited as I looked up the wall and I told myself that as a novice, if I reached even half the height of the wall, I'd be so happy.  My friend Raquel agreed to climb with me. She, who is not exactly a big fan of heights and who doesn't dig these stuff, agreed to climb for our friendship.   

We got ready.  My friends Noreen and Angie cheered on and a small crowd started to form below us (yikes!). I was doing quite well until I glanced sideways at Raquel and saw her doing a swift spiderman move and going up like it was second nature to her (hmmm, have you been secretly doing this, gurl?). That's when I paused and started to wonder how I was doing myself and suddenly, I realized I probably sucked  at it.  My confidence faltered, not to mention the tiny, half-a-lemon-shaped, grip-challenged rock mocking me from 80% of the climb.  My right hand kept slipping off it.  I gave up.

Raquel made it to the top.  I'm really happy for her because it's indeed something she never imagined doing.  In our duo, I have always been the action buff while she's the little-miss-lady-like-princess.  It's really quite a humbling experience for me, in a positive sort of way.  Well, I made 75% of the climb which isn't bad.  I'm actually happy with myself. No, I'm ecstatic because I wanted the experience so much more than the goal.  But looking back now, I realized that I should have pushed for the goal as well.  That's why I'm a bit sad for my friends who cheered me on and truly believed in me. 

That wall gave me a lot of lessons...

* Never give up. I kept looking back and thinking, if I had tried harder, would I have reached and touched the goal rock on the top? Maybe.

* When someone with experience talks, it will pay to listen and follow with blind faith.  TRUST. Raquel said this is what she did. She followed her coach blindly.  I was a little stubborn and even questioned what my coach had to say.  See what happened?

*Aim high.  This may sound so cliche but it's true that you can only reach as far as you dream.  I remember telling myself that if I reach half the length, I'll be happy. Apparently, that's mediocre.  Aim for the moon, so when you fall, you will still land among the stars.

*Your REAL friends will be willing to do anything for you. Suffer with you, maybe even die for you...move mountains...conquer their own fears.  Mine will climb walls, hehehe (and pay for my wall-climbing trip ...Thanks Noreen!)

*When you're almost there, don't stop.  It's okay to pause just enough to rest but not too long to lose it altogether.  (*SIGH* I have issues about this...in the next blogs to come...)

*Sometimes, don't think of yourself...achieve things for the others too, who have so much faith in your own capabilities.  Prove them right.  Usually, if they really know you, they know how far you can go.  Yet, this is somewhat contradicting the other cliche that says...Set your own goals and achieve them for yourself.  Don't let others be a pressure. For this, well, to each his own!

*Lastly, practice makes perfect. If at first you fail, try again.

               I can't wait for my next climb.

Non-kitchen Tips from a Chef/Restaurateur

"Give yourself time; it is important.  Burning out is a reality.  Stay healthy and always learn to take a step back.  Take time to figure out the good that you have done, instead of agonizing over what you did wrong."

- Todd English, USA Iron Chef

PS. This guy is a hottie. Hehehe.  As delectable as his dishes and as hot as his oven. Click here to check him out...uhrm...I mean, his recipes...

Nang-nang, ang saya-saya talaga!

Yesterday was a blast.  I spent it with my nieces Monique and Issa and my nephew Carlos.  We went for burgers and potato wedges at HOTSHOTS (I always love the Kamikaze...flame-grilled burger with tons of wasabi on the dressing ***winner!***), I got ice cream for Issa -- she didn't want a burger for lunch but to hell with a balanced meal (yeah right as if a burger is good enough)...it's their day and so I let them get whatever they fancied! We watched "Benchwarmers" and feasted on cheese popcorn and sour cream-flavored potato chips. Then we went to TimeZone, took fun pictures at the photo booth, played all the amusement and video arcade games that WE wanted.  I said we, because I had a say on some of the picks this time, the kid in me just had to be heard too!  Trust me, I went wild!!!  My all-time favorite is Snipershot or well, anything with guns and target-shooting (I'm pretty good at it so don't yah mess with me!).  So yesterday, I really had to keep reminding myself not to get too absorbed in my own game...I HAD KIDS TO WATCH!!!

Anyhoo, it's been a long overdue promise and I'm really glad I finally had this date with them yesterday.  It's fun to be a kid again for a day and abandon all forms of adult issue and worry.  (Hey, your inner child deserves to be pampered and happy all the time!)  I'm happy we had so much fun.  But the best part is, I'm happy they had so much fun!

I'm happy I was able to make them happy!!! (wow, am I saying "happy" a lot?)  Aside from the fact that I have just been re-affirmed that I can still give a mean performance at the Dance Revolution, matching that of a 16-year-old's. I swear, I will never ever stop doing it.

We brought home bags of candy and one teeny weeny stuffed dog. The cost of this date?

Food and Drinks, a Movie, and sky's the limit on reloads of arcade/game swipe cards = PRICEY

3 of them saying...

"Nang-nang (me), ang saya-saya talaga!" = PRICELESS

wAyYy 2 gOo, WPD!!!

My Police Clearance/Certificate has expired and so I had to go back to the Western Police District today.  I needed it badly for my upcoming "date with Uncle Sam".  Last year's procedure had been a breeze.  The staff were polite and accommodating.  In fact, it made me think, "WOW! Amidst the everyday red tape brouhaha that sadly, some government offices are known for, boy was I lucky!". Today, approximately a year after, I must admit I had my fingers crossed on the way to WPD.  I wondered, will they be as nice again?  I know it's pretty mean to have that frame of mind, everyday citizen complaints be damned, but at the back of my mind, I was thinking maybe last year was pure luck.  You know, like suddenly winning the lotto when reality has it that odds aren't in favor of you.

So I got there. They received me well despite the fact that it was half an hour to closing time. They were all smiling and mellow with their explanations.  Unhurried but not lazy.  The kind that gave away an atmosphere of patience and friendliness.  It floored me! I would hate myself if I say I was surprised, because I actually half-expected it. I HOPED for it!!!  I'm just really, really happy to have my expectations validated.  Here is a bunch of people who do not let themselves rot away no matter how out-dated or decrepit the working situations are.

The process was quick because it's just a renewal of the certificate clearing me out from any crime that happened during my 1989-2002 period of residence in Manila.  I overheard one time that if it's quick, perhaps they didn't bother to thoroughly check the records, which is a point against their credibility.  But that's way outside my case because I have already been previously cleared.  And since I have no blood relations whatsoever to Superman,  I do not in anyway possess the ability to go back in time to alter my crime history and to my detriment at that. 

Notwithstanding possible procedural glitches for now, the point is, this select bunch in the WPD has been patient, friendly, polite and accommodating, without asking for anything in return.  Isn't it a source of great joy and hope that there are people who take time to help and go the extra mile?  Surely, they must have been briefed, but the great thing is they live up to good service standards. That's a good start...It's a reason to remain hopeful! I pray that they get contagious enough to infect the other pups in their litter. Or even beyond! I know this may sound pretty mushy right now but I really feel like shouting "MABUHAY ANG PILIPINAS!!!"...Yehey!!!

This New Craze

I have recently developed a liking for reading other people's blogs.  Thought it would be a nice break in between writing my own. Plus, like I have said in a previous blog I wrote, I would like to believe that I do pick up a lot of good stuff from what others have to say. It's the greatest reality show on earth, filmed from within. Aside from my cousins' and friends' great pieces, I take pleasure in reading some good ones that I have accidentally link-clicked upon such as in blogspot.com and here in Friendster, I particularly think these two are cute: JB's Blog and Friendsterization by Daphne (they can be found at the featured blogs section).  *SIGH* I wish I can go global as well. Maybe someday when I am worth it. Maybe when there's less crap in my stuff...like in this one. *LOL* Because I'm about to relate an appalling story about this blog craze.  Yesterday, I stumbled upon two almost identical blogs posted by two people from different poles of the earth. Creepy identical, verbatim. I thought my mind kind of short-circuited again (does that ever happen to you?), or has gone totally berserk. It was either a case of "parallel universes" again -- hmmm, this theory is beginning to sell to me already (help!!!), or realistically, a severe case of thought plagiarism. I was horrified because I'm an overzealous defender of those who are cheated on or treated unfairly. It's supposed to be not that big a deal right, but I knew the offender, the one who copied -- well, talk about a shattered good initial impression.  Aawww poor little fellas who poured their hearts out. I mean, these blogs are like babies, they can't be stolen and easily passed on as someone else's! Or this cut and paste thingy. One can't just chop a baby's head off and super-glue it to another one's body and voila! a new baby. Oh forgive me for this brutal baby allegory. I can almost imagine how that might possibly feel (dream on, Clarisse, like strangers would actually be interested in your insipid ramblings, hahaha).

On the brighter side, I strongly believe all of us can always come up with originals any day.  Our hearts and minds are like big storehouses of facts and feelings that are waiting to be born, to enlighten others, entertain, or do as we please. From our own wombs and into the typepad.  Well, I don't want to dwell on this trivial thing anymore. I just thought I had to let it go...by writing it down.  Like I always do.

On a lighter note:  While I'm on this Friendster topic...I realized these past weeks how much we have already been "friendsterized" (as Daphne would say it).  I was taking pictures with my girl friends earlier today and we all screamed "Pang-Friendster!!!". Whatever happened to "Kodakan...Picture-Picture...or Pa-shot naman!"...huh? =o)

A Day with my Long Lost Friend (LLF)

LLF: Where do you want to eat?

ME: Anywhere. How about you?

LLF: Not really hungry yet. Maybe some Chinese?

ME: How about we try to see if there's any nice place on the other side?

LLF: Yeah, okay.  Hmmm. Smells good, which one is that?

ME: Are you crazy? You're smelling Jollibee over there.

LLF: Really. Wait, this already happened to us before, didn't it?

ME: No. That was something else you had to do at Jollibee.

LLF: That was different.  This happened to us before.

ME: Yeah I guess. It's been a long time. Remember when we drove around the city for an hour trying to find a restaurant and we ended up going back to that place down the road from my house?

Yeah, somewhere in our 18-year friendship. Has it really been 18? Well, 15 years of taking care of me til the time he had officially turned me over to my beloved hubby (of 3 years now). So yeah, 18. Pretty much.

LLF: :I'm thinking, where did I keep your old letters?

ME: I don't know, yours are in a box in my memory chest.

LLF: Didn't I give them back to you?

ME: No way! So, how's your baby?

LLF: Oh, he's cute and he talks a lot now.

ME: I wish hubby and I can have our own baby too soon. How's your wife?

LLF: Good.  We're okay.  We have our share of ups and downs. Things are a lot better.

ME: Yeah, same here. It's all good.  He takes care of me. He knows I'm out with you. He said hi by the way.  How about her? Does she know you're with me?

LLF: No. But I'll tell her if she asks.

ME: Alright.

We had pizza, fried chicken and spaghetti and diet coke. Then Starbucks.

ME: You still smoke?

LLF: You bet I still do. How about you?

ME: Not really.  Like the usual, maybe occasionally....socially. Hey, do you need to go back now?

LLF: No, it's okay. Wow, hot coffee on a hot day.

ME: Nah, just wanted something to drink slowly so we can talk some more.

LLF: Where do you want to go?

ME: Anywhere.

LLF: Let's go to the Comic books and toys.

ME: Wow, you still collect those? You remind me of this movie...

LLF: 40-year Old Virgin?

ME: Yes.

LLF: Thank goodness, I'm neither both.

ME: HAHA.

LLF: Friends said I should start collecting them bat mobiles too. Kinda expensive.

ME: Hey, I gave you one for Christmas many years ago.

LLF: I know. You ready?

ME: Okay. Let me call my hubby first. 

LLF: Sure.

Hi, mahal. I'm still out. We're at the Comic book shop now. How are you doing? I love you. Hey, can I buy something? ("Go ahead, you still got money?") Yeah, thanks, mahal. I love you.

ME: Come with me, I'll get me the Dancing Queen necklace. Hubby said yes.

LLF: Okay.

ME: You think it's okay to get this?

LLF: It looks nice. If it makes you happy, go!

ME: Thanks.  How about your wife? What does she like?

LLF: Girly-girl stuff. Like the shoes you saw and wanted earlier? NOT that stuff. =) You gave me an idea, I'll have a necklace made for her with my name on it and the baby's.

ME: That will be cool. 

It was like how it used to be, walking and talking. We checked out the other mall.

ME: You see that? I like the beef in that Korean Place.

LLF: You wanna have that for dinner?

ME: You want? Sure!

LLF: Let's walk some more first.

At the Korean Place...

ME: Let me buy dinner this time. Just buy me coffee later.

LLF: Coffee again. You'll be up all night.

ME: I know. I'm always up. Has it always been like that?

LLF: Yup. You can't sleep and sometimes the coffee makes your heart palpitate.

ME: Really? Oh yeah huh. You mean I've been that way since forever?

LLF: Yes.

ME: Just buy me the Takoyaki balls then.

LLF: Okay, we'll do that before I bring you home.

ME: Hey, can you have something signed by Manny Pacquiao for my hubby?

LLF: You want one? I'll give a poster to you. I have my boxing gloves signed by him too. But now, I can't use it.

ME: That's something I want to try...you know, boxing. But they said, boxing might break my fingers. I don't want that because I play the piano. And I don't want to be all that shaky that I can't draw. Do you still draw?

LLF: Yes. Sometimes. I made one for my wife recently, I think I'm still okay at it.

ME:  I stopped sketching for a while. You know my ex burned all the sketchpads I had since third grade right? That really hurt. But I'll try again. My hubby bought me this nice sketchpad so hopefully I can start again.

LLF: I made one of you from your graduation photo a long time ago. I'm thinking maybe I'll give that to you as a going away present. I'll look for it.

ME: Really? I made one of you a long time ago too. I'll try to find it.

It was getting late and it was time to go...

ME: Remember when we used to walk here?

LLF: Yeah. This is such a nice day.  Something different from what I always do. I don't mean it's better. But it's nice. It's different.

ME: Yeah, me too. So, are you going to send me off at the airport?

LLF: No.

ME: Why not?

LLF: You know I hate goodbyes.

Paranoid Much?!?!?

I've been mastering the art of being a couch potato all week.  And so yesterday, I was in a half-vegetative, half-all-headachy-from-all-that-sleepin state when I got a text message from my friend who I haven't seen for eons.  He said, "Hi Clarisse, I dreamt about you yesterday. I miss you and I hope to see you soon."  I didn't reply immediately because my brain was completely vegged out and I couldn't think of something nice and sweet to say yet (ooops, didn't I promise last Easter that I will text people back right away? uhrm...uhrm sorry but I'm really trying).


One sweet corn on the cob, a glass of iced tea and several rounds of FRIENDS reruns on DVD later, he texted again, "I really miss you.  I don't know why, maybe I'm going to die soon or something."


That left my now half-corn-stuffed, half-comatose self feeling spooked and disgruntled, yes both.  So I started typing back. No, I was too lazy for that so I decided to call instead.  It turns out, he's doing well and fine but yeah, he misses me.  We had a nice conversation catching up on the snippets of our lives that we have missed for not getting in touch --eighty percent of which is actually my fault.  Then we circled back to his message.  If something bad was bound to happen and he couldn't shake off that ugly feeling, why would he want to talk to just me. Why not hunt down his other friends as well?... Maybe it wasn't going to be him......uh oh maybe it was me!?  Darn.  He already did this to me in third grade and it took me the whole of fourth grade to get rid of such paranoid thoughts and morbid fears. Darn, again.


In the end, we just laughed it off. I don't think God will allow it anyway.  But it sure felt good knowing that someone who is possibly on his last day on earth would count me in as one of his last wishes. THAT FELT REALLY NICE.


But boy, I made him do my favorite ritual to ward off bad luck --- that is, to spin clockwise three times. We both did. That was totally retarded. Hey, I have my quirks too, okay?


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                                           INCIDENTALLY...


I want to share one of my favorite prayers to you guys. For me, it is a sure fire way of wiping out ugly thoughts and fears. The Lord is my refuge and He is always there for me, and with me no matter what. Here's the Psalm 23 for you all...




The Lord is my Shepherd;
I shall not want.

He maketh me to lie down in green pastures:
He leadeth me beside the still waters.

He restoreth my soul:
He leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for His name's sake.

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil:
for THOU art with me;

Thy rod and Thy staff they comfort me.
Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies:

Thou anointest my head with oil;
My cup runneth over.

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life:
And I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever.

So tell me...

WILLTHERESTOFYOURLIFEBETHEBESTOFYOURLIFE?

What's wrong with this picture?

This is my bad boy when nobody's watchin'   =P

Rosemarie Ann

       

        I love people-watching, strangers most especially. I love observing how people live their lives and I love the challenge of seeing beyond the smile, the frown or hopefully that poker-face.  In my Friendster profile, I wrote down "peeping in people's windows while driving by". Yes, I enjoy that. Usually, I am able to have a glimpse of everyday life and conjure little stories in my head. I can't explain it enough. I get a high with these things.  It's not really being nosy. It's not even about sizing them up. It's not about comparing my own life to them.  I think I am just enjoying the world the way we are supposed to.  To actually pay attention to the rest of us in this world, to stop, and look, and listen. And hopefully touch their hearts any which way we can. Or simply to enjoy how unique all lives can be. Or how similar they are sometimes.

        Recently, I have discovered that I can do this not just in my own neighborhood but all over the world as well, without leaving my chair.  I have discovered the joys of MySpace.  I made up this rule with myself:  Friendster for real friends, MySpace for strangers.  Friendster is my home, and MySpace is when I feel like running away.  It is my hotel...my party. Whenever I'm free, I click on profiles and see what people have to say about themselves.  There are things I can relate to, and things I simply don't agree with. And if I transcend beyond the superficiality of it all, I know in my heart, I am learning more things about the world than any classroom can offer...through things that people say, truths or untruths.

        But if there is anything wonderful I learned lately, it is how someone from across the globe, is leading a life that is almost like mine, with a personality and outlook that is almost 100% me.  I have come face to face with a parallel universe that is miles away from me.

        I am an avid link-clicker.  I stumbled into her profile one day as I was clicking my time away, hopping from one page to another. I read through it, and it just amazed me how similar we are in a thousand ways.  It was like my own profile, re-written with a different set of words. If I walk you through it piece by piece, you're going to think it's creepy. I sent her a friendly message and she wrote back saying, "I viewed your profile, oh goodness we are so alike!".  We’re in each other's list now.

        I don't know who's luckier or happier. I think we both are cruising through life good enough. We have the same way of looking at life anyway.  Sometimes, I am tempted to think, wow, someone is playing SIMS up there. Or sometimes I feel like asking, "God, have you run out of ideas?". But that would be too cynical for someone like me, though at first, I was in a searching frenzy looking for possible things that would make Rosemarie Ann and I different, aside from how we look ofcourse.  (Well, let us not forget how awesome it is that there are no two exactly identical faces on this planet).

        Getting to know Rosemarie Ann better made me realize that it is the other circumstances and consequences in our lives that set the difference.  Hence, I am reminded that HE up there has a special plan, a special script and plot in store for each one of us. I realize that no matter how alike we may seem, God blesses us with our own unique set of experiences. And yes, a unique set of people to touch our lives --- like our own family and friends.

       Rosemarie Ann may be enjoying a good movie but it's not with Raquel, she may have enjoyed some talks over Starbucks coffee but not the same way I did with May Ann. She may love dancing and working out, but her fitness buddies aren’t Angie and Noreen. She may be in love with someone, but it isn’t my husband Aldred. We may be both happy with our families, but I have my own Daddy, Mommy, and sisters Lissa and Trina. Plus all my other friends who truly care about me...Ali, Florence, Dondee, Yvah, Dave, Peter, Will, Jem, Arnold, my former classmates at DLSU, co-workers in Maxicare and TutorTime, and a lot more relatives and friends that might take up all of this blogspace if I mention each one. 

        This is what makes the big difference.  My family and friends set me apart.  These people make me unique and special... how they love me, or how I love them back. Thank you, people. Thank you, God.

PS. I’m sure and happy, somewhere out there, Rosemarie Ann is grateful in the same way too.

déjà vu

For those who have read my previous blog.

This "girly-girl-duh-it-can-get-annoying-sometimes-attention-deficit" runs in my family.  I don't think we're stupid. Sometimes, our brains are too full of ideas hopping on top of one another (bright ones, hey!) or well, we're really just genetically flighty. 

After my sister's ugly encounter with my soap fiasco, we started going after the perfect solution.  But for some reason, both of us ended up getting sidetracked again.  She started surfing the net and I sank deep into my own world again reading "The Undomestic Goddess" (hmmm). The toilet slipped away from our consciousness. (read: forgotten)

Three hours later, my OTHER sister arrived. She went straight to the bathroom.  And then yelled "You guys are gross!".  She aimed for the flusher and before we could stop her and say..."hey wait, no...wai..." It happened again. Ooops.

Soap Happens

It’s a lazy Saturday morning. I’m at my sister’s.

Okay, so I used the bathroom.  The soap jumped from my hand, did a PLOOP! sound (wow, ploop – I like it, I like the challenge of writing sounds the way they actually sound), and slipped down into the deepest end of the ocean, hahaha. I tried to flush it down but the water rose and it scared the hell out of me.  What if I drown in my own *beep*. How do I get that thing out?

Here are my options:

1. Close my eyes, stick my hand in and try to reach for that bar of soap in that deep tunnel underneath the water. Nah, that’s too gross.  Plus, socializing with the rest of the debris in there isn’t exactly what my goals in life are made of.




2. Vacuum-push it with the toilet plunger.  But where is their frigging plunger?




3. Pretend that nothing happened and hopefully it melts on its own. But that may take a few days.

You know how easily I get sidetracked with things (me and my girly-girl-duh-sometimes-it-can-get-annoying-attention-deficit).  I was contemplating on the perfect solution for the toilet problem when I started talking to my sister, then we started viewing her new pictures and then spying on Friendster profiles, then I talked to Aldoy on the phone and then I told myself, “I can blog about this!” and so I started writing this one on her laptop.  Here’s the ugly part. I completely forgot about why I was contemplating about it in the first place.

Until I heard my sister scream…from the bathroom.

She “used” the toilet. And flushed.  And the water did a Niagara. No, more like Pasig River actually, garbage and all.

Well, soap happens…too.

Clarisse's Ultimate

Fried Galunggong. Instant Pansit Canton. Rice Tutong. Kikoman Soy Sauce.  Diet Coke. Heaven.

Dear "Notty",

I'M REAL (REMIX)
By: Jennifer Lopez, feat. Ja Rule

Note: There are about several versions of this song,
the lyrics below are from the downloaded version of the song,
aka: Murda Remix.

[Jennifer Lopez (Ja Rule)]
(Murder what's my motherfuckin' name?)
R-U-L-E (Blowin' back on this Mary Jane, I'm analyzin' the game)
And the game done chose me
(To bring pain to pussy niggas and pussy holders, one they're all the same)
Ever since you told me
(There's only room for two, I've been makin' less room for you)
Now only God can hold me
(Hug me, love me, judge me, the only nigga that hovers above me, holla)

I met so many men and
It's like their all the same
My appetite for lovin'
Is now my hunger pain

And when I'm feelin' sexy
Who's gonna comfort me?
My only problem is
Their insecurities

[1] - [Jennifer Lopez (Ja Rule)]
(Tired of bein' alone) Yeah, yeah
(Sick of arguin' on the phone) Yeah, yeah
(Are you tellin' all your friends) Yeah, yeah
(That your nigga don't understand) My love

[2] - [Jennifer Lopez (Ja Rule)]
Cause I'm real
(The way you walk, the way you move, the way you talk)
Cause I'm real
(The way you stare, the way you look, your style, your hair)
Cause I'm real
(The way you smile, the way you smell, it drives me wild)
Cause I'm real
And I can't go on without you

[Ja Rule]
Girl, I've been thinkin' bout this relationship
And I wanna know is this as good as it gets
Cause we've been through the worst times and the best times
But it was our time, even if it was part-time
Now they be lookin' at me, smilin' at me, laughin' like it wasn't happen'
But not knowin', that were growin' and we're gettin' married
Hard lovin' and straight thuggin'
Bitch, I ain't doin' this, shit for nuttin'
I'm here to get it poppin', hoppin, let's ride up in the Benz
Hair blowin' in the wind, sun glistenin' off my skin, hey
I'm nasty, heh, you know me
But you still don't fuck wit ya' baby

[Repeat 2]

[Jennifer Lopez]
Now people lovin' me and hatin' me, treatin' me ungratefully
But not knowin' that they ain't makin' or breakin' me
My life I live it to the limit and I love it
Now I can breathe again, baby, now I can breathe again

Now people screamin' what the deal with you and so and so
I tell them niggas, mind their biz, but they don't hear me though
Cause I live my life to the limit and I love it
Now I can breathe again, baby, now I can breathe again

[Repeat 1]

[Repeat 2 till end]

He Broke My Heart Today

It was all over the news.  Eugene Tejada, this young basketball player of the Purefoods PBA Team, met a freak accident on the hardcourt a few nights ago.  In a nutshell, he suffered from some spinal injuries that posed awful risks to his basketball career, or even to his future as an ordinary walking individual.

On the way to the hospital, I thought it would be a breeze to give him the cheer pillows me and Aldred got for him.  But to be actually standing by his bedside and talking to him crushed me.  He is laying flat on the bed with steel bars pulling on his head, him staring at the ceiling with his eyeglasses on, moving his hands once in a while, but with no single movement from the waist down.  I told him "Get up, 'gene.  We're all rooting for you." To which he replied softly, "No more basketball".  Our aunt also said "Remember, Eugene, I took care of you when you were small?" and he said, "Auntie, are you gonna take care of me again?"  There you go, a 6-footer fella radiating a little boy's uncertainty.

Now, that one made me cry.  He and I don't really go a long way, except for occasional partying and clubbing some nights at the town, and he being a special part of my wedding. But he and Aldred are like brothers.  And it's like we're one huge extended family unit that knew no conditions nor boundaries.  And so, seeing him like this just doesn't sit well in my scheme of things.  I knew about his big dreams.  This is one nice young man whose future gleamed of beautiful promises.  Will he ever recover fully?

You broke my heart today, 'Gene.  Please make my heart whole again.  Please get better.

A New Blow Job

         Gotcha! Can't wait to see what's in here? You dirty minds -- or is it just me? Tell me it isn't just me! Well, guess who has been getting special lip service from moi lately? My new ultra pinoy bamboo flute! (it says Original Filipino Bamboo Flute on the label).  It was a spur of the moment thing.  Maybe my muse has decided she had enough of me desperately trying to belt out "Sana'y Wala nang Wakas" on Videoke-- which happens to be my signature song, next to Madonna's La Isla Bonita (elgk!).  Hence, my sudden weird inspiration to learn the instrument.

            I grasped the finger and key basics pretty quick, thanks to my background in piano.  But blowing out the notes is a different story.  Right now, some of my notes are downright off-key ("Blow low notes softly, high notes forcefully...too-too-too-taa-taa-taa...") My C needs a lot of work.  Think fusion of fart and rubbershoes skidding on sticky concrete.  But hey, practice makes perfect.  Right?

             I'm happy I can play a few songs now.  Aldred says my "Row, Row, Row your Boat" still sucks.  Maybe he's joking. Maybe not.  =(  That's why it scares me to play at night for fear of bringing out the snakes from the bushes, or raising Mr. Levi Celerio from the grave, only for him to suffer from emphysema again.

             But I'm proud of my other pieces. I can play Bahay Kubo, Leron Leron Sinta, and Chit-chirit-chit Alibangbang.  PINOY FOLK SONG ROCKS!!!

            My favorite is "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" (the only song I can play with the violin) and I'm starting on Silent Night now.  Hopefully, I'll be in shape in time for Christmas.

Quote to live by: 

"LIVE AS IF YOU'LL DIE TOMORROW.  LEARN AS IF YOU'LL LIVE FOREVER" - Ghandi

Bitch...Doormat...Bitch...

I wrote this email to my friend last February, but I'm publishing it anyway, as a tribute to my cousin Rae.  Cheers to us beautiful and strong women of the clan...luv u, sistah!

Many years ago, I wasn’t really this outspoken.  I would usually remain meek, unassuming and hopefully invisible.  When trouble strikes, I would usually cry, draw heartrending things on my sketch pad, or write loooooong entries on my journal. 

Today, I am quick to defend my rights.  I am brave enough to speak up against injustice, confront and correct misconstrued ideas, and to assert my place in my relationships, and the rest of the world. 

I don’t know how I evolved.  Part of me feels that with my kind of spiritual footing, I should stay submissive and tolerant, at all times, at all costs.  Yet, I know it’s not healthy for my psyche.  It’s not healthy for my relationships.  It’s not healthy for the community. 

I found strength in my Masteral Studies in Pyschology in 1998.  School was Biopsychology 101 in real life while my brain was the main specimen for dissection. The whole process is my multi-dimensional growth ---summarized. Vis-a-vis all the turmoil like my mom undergoing chemotherapy and her emotional rollercoaster that came with it, a fruitless and chilly relationship with a dense medical student,  despicable treatment from a power-tripping boss plus other vile things that I have no more interest to recall. Then, the next wave which crushed me to pieces...scheming nosy old people who wanted to "shotgun" me and hubby OUT of our own forthcoming wedding (we felt like movie stars then though hahaha). Then, the next which I have already withstood without so much tears...a desperate ex who did crazy stuff that I almost brought to court and hubby's desperate ex who I have now simply reduced to a laughing stock. Ergo, I realized that I have come to love myself through the years.  I understood my own needs and respected them. I have become my own knight ready for battle, while still respecting the dynamics of others’ mental faculties.

Your million-dollar question was…in times of adversity, should we be a bitch then or should we be a doormat?

I’m a firm believer of balance.  There is such a thing as "diplomacy" (which happens to be one of my favorite words). It’s easy. It’s all a mind-word game out there. It’s the best thing in the world. And it works.  Choose and study your cases carefully. I must say though, it won’t hurt to include “bitch” as one of your options.  Maybe as a last resort when some stupid@ss people just don’t learn at all.

“Being nice is good, being meek is noble but to be a doormat, that’s unforgivable.”---from the Dancing Queen ---> ME!

Hot Diesel

I've got this hangover...from "The Pacifier".  I know it's some kind of a delayed reaction. But I never got to see it on its playdate. My hubby's cousin was kind enough to lend me the movie.  Well, I cried at the ending.  But don't be surprised, I cried at Terminator 2 as well (Believe me, my sister did too...)

But this isn't about the story.  I'm writing this blog as some kind of silent "shriek" over Vin Diesel -- the type you can't do when you're actually blissfully hitched to your hunk hubby (ergo...the what-do-you-need-Vin-Diesel-for kind of man) But I think he's such a hottie.  Well, I guess he reminds me of my Aldred anywayz, who's an endorphine-rush junkie at the gymn himself.  They kinda belong to the same mold (am I biased or what).

I guess it's okay to admire celebs even if you're married (I swear, Aldred likes Kris Aquino for some reason...duh!? -- Fil-Am cool guy turned "jologs")  But nevertheless, about this little secret about me calling Vin Diesel a super hottie, uhrm, a hottie, please don't tell mi amore.  I meant the hubby.

PS. Don't light that match, phuleeez!!!

Life according to Bob

"Nalaman kong hindi pala exam na may passing rate ang buhay.  Hindi ito multiple choice, identification, true or false, o fill-in-the-blanks na sinasagutan kundi essay na isinusulat araw-araw.  Huhusgahan ito hindi base sa kung tama o mali ang sagot, kundi base sa kung may kabuluhan ang mga naisulat o wala.  Allowed ang erasures."

-Bob Ong in the book "ABNKKBSNPLAKo?!"  page 120