Be Careful What You Wish For

Still miserable but better.

That's how I feel now.

If there is anything good that came out of my whirlwind affair with Streptococcal Bacteria, I believe there are two things: I lost seven frala-la-shmalooting pounds (at least that's what the bathroom scale tells me -- and it never changed its mind on me until today) and I'm a little de-stressed in life, simply staying home and enjoying the sickness excuse to not care about anything. I stare at the ceiling, I oversleep, I watch TV, I tinker on my laptop for as long as I want, I don't do chores, I vegetate, I reek of drool, I let body hair grow out, I skip on vanity regimen...and now I'm basking in a joyous moment surrounding an unexpected shedding of some pounds I've always tried to lose-- hoping that I don't gain them back overnight as I have a tendency to do so. I can't even eat. I've lost my appetite. Oh what a perfect world, isn't it?

But I ask myself, will I ever want to go through the same painful ordeal again? The same pain that controlled all of me, since the average number of swallows per hour of humans is 68±8. That's the same amount of exposure to pain per hour I got. More than one torture hit per minute. For 48 hours straight (including sleeping non-sleeping time)...and counting.

And my pain wasn't the typical tonsillitis pain I've encountered in the past. My tolerance might have deteriorated, yes, but I'm still sane enough to know that my judgement is valid. It hurt and it hurt like hell. And I've been enslaved by the power of Tylenol and Chloraseptic (oral anesthetic) for the past couple of days. Not having the bottles in sight was enough to drive me insecure. And they only relieved me by perhaps 25%. I also believed I have developed some kind of phobia for swallowing, or even just the thought of it. Imagine this, my body involuntarily cringes and physically recoils to an impending act of swallowing and in some occasions, I even had to count 1..2..3...go. I would end up bawling after sneezing episodes and I'd be miserable just with the thought of eating. Not to mention the headaches, fever and chills. And the Rheumatic Fever scare that I constantly worried about in my heart, and for my heart.

I remember that before the weekend, I had planned to call in sick at work so I can bring my visiting cousins around in the city (SF). I was seriously tempted to take the sick day because I knew I needed some time off to relax too and perhaps appease the crazy part of me that wants to play hookie at times. I've even contemplated on the details of my lie, feigning an illness that wasn't even there. It never panned out though due to some confusion in schedule and something urgent that came up at work.

Next time, I should really be careful with what I wish for. Because my wishes get granted. And I get them big time. And excruciatingly painful too.

God really has a good sense of humor.

This made me appreciate the spunk of those who are battling more daunting illnesses, and the stoutheartedness of those who are suffering, whether physical or emotional pain.

This one made me appreciate my life, perched in the normal bracket in the spectrum of life, having better health than most people, and days and days of smiles and pain-free living.

And yes, this one humbled me.

Live Traffic Feed - Part Deux

- yesterday, at my own home: www.wonderwifey.com -

This blogsite still smells as good as a newborn baby and I'm already flaking on it? I apologize for not having posted for a week. I've been so busy with personal affairs quite recently and perhaps pushed myself too much that I'm now down with a very painful case of tonsillitis. I tell you, I need to muster all the courage and guts just to bring myself to chug a small amount of water from the bottle. One small gulp is a milestone, and is a love offering to the heavens for undergoing such kind of pain. Really.

I just got off the phone with my health-care provider after a very helpful yet helpless conversation on how to relieve myself of the pain, and after my long drawn out mutterings about my symptoms amidst the pool of drool that can't find it's way down the drain, a very red and tender uvula (I made sure I spelled that right!) that has the potential to swell into the size of Statue of Liberty given a couple more days, and underneath a blanket that reeks of illness.

So I have another phone appointment in an hour with my doctor, who unfortunately, no matter how miserable I feel, cannot do a throat culture for Strep over the phone. That means, I might have to drag my freaking tonsils to the lab. That, or I live with the risk of rheumatic fever from today onwards. I know all that because when I was a kid, they had to put me on prophylactic antibiotics because I was at a high risk some sort and I never fully understood why. And we can't take chances with the heart -- the most important muscle of all.

Anyway, if you've been here before, you might have noticed the musical chairs of links on the right side. I have not accomplished anything that is related to building and boosting this blogsite. I haven't enlisted in blog directories just yet. Haven't blog-hopped, haven't exchanged links, haven't anything!

I'm still trying and testing the final look that I want although I know that a blogsite is a dynamic work in progress forever.

If there is anything good that has come out of my efforts, it is the Live Traffic Feed. I adore Feedjit! Now, I know who stalks me. No, it's not you my dear friends in the blogosphere. It's this guy with a stamp of Glenview, IL. I know who you are. You can snoop here and in my other sites as much as you want. But I must tell you that I know you've been here. I smell it from the grave. I'M SORRY for stuff that happened, but I hope you understand that someone like me can't patronize losers, even for charitable purposes. I've proven that over and over especially on the last blow with you posting incriminating ads of me online which is totally IMMATURE of you and totally FALSE about me. So please respect it if you felt that you got chosen over, which wasn't even the case. Who knows, if I had chosen you and I to be together, either you or me would have been miserable by now. I knew in my heart and from the start that it wouldn't work and the parade of seemingly beautiful, awesome and too-good-to-be-true things wouldn't get us too far. I gave it a chance, it simply didn't pan out the way we had thought. Things happen for a reason. And some things and people really just aren't meant to be.

And I don't even know why I'm wasting my time trying to explain.

*whew*

I think that's the most personal thing I've ever lashed out in my history of blogging. Normally, I hold back on these things. But acute and painful tonsillitis can bring out so much hatred and pain from ghosts of the past. Try to have sore throat like mine! And tell me what kind of hideous monster it transforms you into.

Free Stuff

- written two delirious days ago at Coffee, Anyone? -

I'm giving something away for free. MY TONSILS! *LOL* Oh phuleez....take them away from me.

Aside from them hurting like hell right now (and you know I don't usually use that term -- hell I mean), there really isn't anything keeping my tonsils busy right now. Well, they are succeeding at annoying me and making me burst into helpless tears each time I swallow. AAAARRRRRGH!

Yes, I'm sick. I had to come home at around lunch time and be as sick as sick can be. I was running a temperature earlier. Hot enough to make me delirious. I couldn't even blog with all that free time and stuff. What!?!

So, the fact that you're hearing from me right now means I'm feeling a little better.  Hubby got home early to take care of me and when Theraflu kicked in, I was sweating my troubles away.

My tonsils are still hurting. I guess the pain will linger around for a few days still. I think I'll be off from work tomorrow again. And hey, I'm no happy camper staying home. I'd rather have happy tonsils that are in great shape and not hurting.

Wanna trade?

I'm back!

How  I emerged from the weekend in one piece is a flummoxing mystery that can be archived next to the Crop Circles, the Fibonacci numbers and the wonky mind of the Octuplets' mommy. I'm almost embarassed to relate the flurry (or shall I say blurry) of events that I managed to whisk through from friday night onwards. 

Friday night dinner party at our house -- and cooking before that, cousin's family spending the night at our place, early breakfast before they left for a trip to the snow up in Tahoe, rushing to stepdoe's colorguard performance in Union City, pizza lunch with the guard girls and some chaperones and friends we invited to the show, entertaining the friends back at our house, hubby playing basketball with the guys and us ladies taking a leisure walk, yummy sushi dinner with bro-in-law's family for a niece's birthday, taking our niece and nephew back to our house for a sleepover, staying up for a late night chat -- some real fun and interesting teen talk *LOL*, going to church in the morning chill at 7:30am the next day, cooking breakfast for stepdoe and mom and eating with them together with our niece and nephew who slept over, buying some wine at Napa, hanging out at a friend's house near Napa, then a snack at Wingstop, then dropping off our niece and nephew at two separate houses, passing by bro-in-law's in Suisun and going altogether to a party at my sister's house for the same cousins who got back from Tahoe sunday night. And the aformentioned stops and detours all miles apart! Monday...work work work...then dinner at a cousin's house in San Mateo. That was last night. Then today...work work work.

We were able to make many people happy so it's all good. But don't be surprised if I need to be an hermit in my cave for some time again. I badly need to recoup. That's just how it works. "Tired" is an understatement. And we do need to think about our own concerns soon too. Due yesterday.

So I tell yah, it's really an amazing grace and continuous wonderment where I have been drawing my strength from, considering that I'm off my caffeine fixes for the entire Lenten season.

Crop Circles quality, eh? More like Dark Circles around my eyes.

Overdrive

Happy St. Paddy's!

Most of us at work used to wear green on St. Patrick's Day. Apparently, they left me in the dark! *LOL* I'm the only one wearing an army green jacket today. And what happened to the shamrock stickers people used to give away? And the green frosted cookies?

That leaves me dubious about this year's Halloween altogether. What if I'd be the only one coming to work in a costume...

So anyway, there will be a lot of things on my plate again for the next couple of weeks (months?). Cousins from the Philippines are staying with us this coming weekend. Hubby and I haven't put together any dinner menu yet. We've been arguing about what to serve. He and his sinful concoctions and me and my healthful-wannabe treats! Hopefully we arrive at a hearty marriage of scrumptious yet easy to pull off dishes by Friday night.

My daughter (stepdaughter) and her mom are arriving from SoCal that same evening and hopefully we'll have them over for dinner too. I know, it's strange huh. But her mom and I are friends and I have no negative feelings about it at all. If any, it is on the prospect of having to spread myself thinly by Friday and the days following that.  Daughter and mom are staying at a hotel with the rest of the colorguard team. Their performance in the competition is slated on Saturday here in NorCal (first time for her school to travel far from a competion).  It's going to be a very busy weekend: Making a huge breakfast for my cousins on Saturday morning, and probably sending some to the hotel for daugher and the rest of the girls to snack on. And then getting my cousins all set with their own weekend travel itinerary before hubby and I take off to the colorguard competition which I always enjoy watching. I'm sure we will be busy until late Saturday night. We'll probably eat out with the school reps, the parents and the guard girls. Sunday will most likely be the same. Then back to my cousins' company after the colorguard team heads back to SoCal.

I hope to still be in one piece by Monday. I want to be able to take my cousin's family around and have quality time with them. They come here to the U.S. regularly since cousin and her hubby are both doctors and they attend conventions a lot. But it's quite rare for them to be bringing their kids along since they are usually in school.

A lot on my plate. And I haven't mentioned seeing the tax guy somewhere in between, meeting with a business partner for this online business that's soon to launch (I'll keep you posted, once it starts raking in the moolah I'll show you how too), teleconferences with mentors in between getting the guestrooms ready -- scrubbing the bathrooms, getting the towels and sheets to smell good and look crease-free, stacking up the pantry with goodies, hula rehearsals for our show on May 2nd, my full-time job (ooops, yes I have that too), meeting writing opportunity deadlines..............OVERDRIVE.

But you know what? There's one thing I picked up and stuck to me from a movie I saw some months back about this american guy who was assigned in India to oversee the new call center business ["OUTSOURCED"]. He didn't have fun in the beginning until someone pointed to him that he is weighed down by his troubles with the new culture and environment all because he "resists" it. Then he eventually realizes the best way to "escape" India and get back to Seattle, ironically, is to let go of his resistance to India's culture and people. And he ended up relieved and happy as soon as he opened up.

With the many things that passed through my life, I can attest that it works. Sometimes we are weighed down by our own troubles and hurdles (including sticky situations and difficult people -- who I fondly call "Tweetum Bitchums") because we let these affect us negatively. It all begins with our own resistance to certain things. When we start resisting, then we start harboring negative feelings about them. Our stress is defined primarily by the material we put forth in the first place. If we completely let go, we get to embrace experiences rather than relentlessly blocking and blasting them out as in a silly video game, we ride the current and not stress out against it, we rise and fall with the tide and not drown beneath it, we open ourselves to a new sense of adventure. We simply go with the flow. It takes practice. But then, we shall be able to dance the dance of life, with so much liberation. And surprisingly, with so much ease.

Green

It's St. Patrick's Day tomorrow!

Saint Paddy's is celebrated worldwide by those of Irish descent and increasingly by non-Irish people.

My maternal grandmother had never forgotten to recognize her Irish great grandfather. Does that make me "of Irish descent"? LOL. That little drop of Irish blood has very likely long since bled out of me when I scraped my knee in preschool. If it's any consolation, I do have a large collection of tiny polka dots all over me a.k.a. freckles, and will it count if I get visited by the faerie-folk sometimes (in my dreams) * LOL*.

Nonetheless, I still hold a special spot in my heart for anything Irish, in memory of my grandmother, if not my great-ultra-ancient-great-great grandfather.

That includes: Leprechauns (elgk!) and faerie folk,  Tína Nog (amazing legend!), Banshee, Ad Seidh, Finn MacCool, the children of Lir, Cúlainn, the Giant's Causeway, Morholt and the Fomorians etc.  Hearing someone speak Gaelic always gives me a mystical tingle in my heart that I can't explain.

Lá ’le Pádraig or Lá Fhéile Pádraig

Woohoo, I rock (but that was copy-pasted).

Anyhoo, here'a trivia for you (thanks to Wikipedia): St. Patrick's Blue, not green, was the colour long-associated with St. Patrick. Green, the colour most widely associated with Ireland, with Irish people, and with St. Patrick's Day in modern times, may have gained its prominence through the phrase "the wearing of the green" meaning to wear a shamrock on one's clothing. At many times in Irish history, to do so was seen as a sign of Irish nationalism or loyalty to the Roman Catholic faith.

I'm wearing green for the latter.  And yeah, okay, for my late grandmother.Lá Fhéile Pádraig Sona dár gcairde agus teaghlach!

Have a great time tomorrow, you guys. And don't end up like terminal drunks!

TGIF!

It seems like the week barely started and it's already Friday -- AGAIN! I'm not complaining. Days go by faster now I guess, don't you think? (Notwithstanding that I start functioning on Tuesdays) Monday is...what did I say again...my arch-nemesis? Tuesday is my Alka-Seltzer.  Friday is my Partner in Crime! Woohoo!!!  Wednesday and Thursdays are ... just think of them as the middle children hahaha. Sometimes unconsciously ignored so they end up feeling invisible yet self-reliant, which is actually a good thing.

I never had any back pain this whole week.  Thank God! I can't remember what the backache was like anymore. This shows us how our bodies (or life itself?) can be so naturally forgiving in that sense. I only remember not having slept good all week the last time it bothered me. I do hope that's over and done with.

Oh, guess what! I reached a milestone in the blogosphere! I have my own domain now! (I seriously thought I could keep that a secret for a long time until it's really done and ready ) I read somewhere that if you intend to get a domain, you'd better do it fast before all the good supercalifragilisticexpialidocious names are gone. So I did! Thank goodness, Wonder Wifey hasn't been taken yet. It's amazing sometimes when you realize that realistically, no one really is as silly as you are yet. *LOL* I'm not ready to launch it. Still workin' on it...still tweaking it as far as my computer skills would allow, which, come to think of it, really isn't much. But I'll crank it up to full blast within the next couple of months. I'd keep it  SIMPLE, knowing that too much visual noise has the potential to drive me rocking back and forth in one dark corner for days.

Things are looking up in my world these days. Mom and Dad are planning to visit us in the summer.  Please pray that they'll be fit and healthy to make it. I plan to do so many things with them! Such as cram special occasions in one month -- Barbecue on the 4th of July, Christmas and Thanksgiving dinners in that same summer stint complete with Christmas carols played in the middle of the year, a big turkey, some stuffing and gravy...the whole nine yards. I hope it pans out for us. Sometimes, we really just have to adjust our sails to the wind... Reframe our thinking and function outside our rigid "programs".

I can't wait for the weekend. There's not much work left to do in our house. Hubby just needs to hang the four old Tuscan Wine Label Wall tiles I ordered eons ago and one wrought-iron candle holder wall art.  The home office looks immaculate and pristine now too (thanks to one evening when hubby had to stay late at work -- ergo, no one bothered my cleaning spree). It's a pretty serene hideaway for me, especially that I left one wall empty. I can stare at it and recharge for a good length of time.  I still want the "coastal" theme for it though I haven't gotten anything to make it resemble a cape cod villa. A deserted island, maybe. It takes time, but at least, compared to previous posts, I can say that things are finally looking up in that department.

Hubby's 40th's in April but I still don't know what to do. I'm thinking of taco stands, 40th Pinata, and other festive stuff. We also have a hula show (ho'ike) upcoming for our halau on the first week of May where I'll be doing three dances. I'll probably stop doing shows after that.  I love to dance, but since I'm totally challenged in making my own costumes, I think it will soon be time to quit -- the performances at least. If I can help it.

I hope some kind of news about a baby will come in my next posts. I wish. I'll drop everything just to have my own little one now. Anyway, it's Friday the 13th today.  I'm always lucky on Friday the 13ths! Got promoted on a Friday the 13th TWICE in my life in different jobs, won something, found something, ate someting good hahaha...stuff like that.  I think I'm going to get lucky again today. 

HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND, PEEPS!

So S.O

-taken from Coffee, Anyone? -- March 9, 2009

Monday and I are really arch-enemies. If you are my regular reader (I wish!), you'd know that very well. Plus, it's that time of the year again to set my clock forward an hour. Oh drat!

I was falling asleep on my way to work. I haven't had enough sleep since Thursday.  We went to the emergency room Thursday night and stayed until midnight to make sure my mother-in-law was fine after she hit her head when she tripped and fell in the care home. We are so upset about it.  The personnel didn't even call 911 and waited instead for her next of kin to arrive and bring her to the hospital, which of course didn't happen until everyone got off from work (since we were all informed it was really "NOTHING TO BE WORRIED ABOUT").  It turns out that she had a bleeding cut and a ginormous purple-blue bump on her forehead and her left eye had swollen shut like she just lost to a boxing match.  She stared at me at the ER and said "You're very beautiful-beautiful" and reached out to touch my cheek and sweep my bangs away from my face...which led me to suspect that she was suffering from an undetected neurologic deficit following the head trauma.  Or maybe she's fine and just telling the truth (LOL). Anyway, the CT scan was okay and she's so much better now and the bruise has finally subsided.

Hubby's siblings and their families visited her yesterday and later on got together in our house. My busy kitchen was teeming with food [and people] all day. Hubby initiated a movie marathon from his laptop which he hooked to our flat screen.  For starters, we saw Taken and then Gran Torino and some B movies thereafter. But don't ask me how we got the first two in his laptop. A good samaritan uploaded it one good day as hubby was fixing his car.  We capped the day with a bountiful dinner from my stovetop (stew and veggies) highlighted by hubby's pork ribs that he grilled in the backyard.

The day before that [Saturday], one of my girlfriends came by to visit and slept over so she was with us during the family affair yesterday too.  I really didn't get that much ZZZs because from Saturday night until 3:00am (DST or non-DST, I can't even remember...or figure out), we were up talking and catching up as we watched old movies while hubby dozed off in the couch -- he didn't want to feel anti-social by leaving us alone and going up to the room to "offiially" sleep.

That explains why I've been forever at a loss of words at work today. My brain and tongue seem to have suddenly gotten into a terrible lover's quarrel, disagreeing at every form of verbal expression that needed to be uttered until I started to wonder if the weekend gave me a little stroke and left me aphasic...and narcoleptic ("stoned" is perhaps more befitting though I've never ever been that, really).  Even my basic mathematical skills -- usually, I can do some amount of elementary mental arithmetic -- seemed to have gone on strike.

That's how I usually emerge from the weekend.  But my mom-in-law's fine, she even thinks I'm beautiful -- even if that opinion is probably rooting from the recent head injury *LOL*, I got together with a friend from college, we had an impromptu joyous family gathering at our house ...and have I told you, my backache's gone! It disappeared as unexpectedly as it has come.

So, I still have so much to thank God for, however spaced-out-from-the-sleep-deprived-weekend I feel.

Weekend Gift for Myself

-posted at Coffee, Anyone? last weekend-

We are each responsible for our own conduct. Galatians 6:5 (NLT)

Your choices control your calendar and, as a result, your lifestyle. Your choices are far more powerful than your circumstances. You may not like how complicated your life has become yet, with very few exceptions, no one is forcing you to keep your life complicated.

 

You have the power to simplify your life.

 

The Bible teaches, “We are each responsible for our own conduct” (Galatians 6:5 NLT). To me, that means God expects us to assume responsibility for our lives and to carefully choose how we spend our time.

 

That’s why I’ve spent years teaching people to discover why God placed them on this planet: What is your purpose for being here?

 

Ultimately, it will be the donation of your life that will count far more than the duration.

 

In other words, it’s not how long you live – or even how much you cram into how long you live – it’s really about how you live.

 

Here are three essential steps to simplify your life:

 

· First, figure out your purpose, and then let your purpose guide the goals of your life.

 

· Second, organize your activities based upon your purpose.

 

· Finally, harmonize your schedule with your purpose; that is, bring your activities into agreement with your goals.

 

You have just enough time to do God's will while you’re here on earth. You’ve been given just enough time to fulfill your purpose. When you try to do more than God planned for you, it’s only natural that you’ll find yourself constantly out of time or stressed over your schedule.

 

If it doesn’t fit the purpose of your life, God doesn’t want you doing it. In fact, he may be overjoyed that you finally got the message and stopped doing meaningless activities. He may even want you to add “rest” or “have fun” to your to-do list.

 

My prayer for you is that you will find relief from stress and a new sense of satisfaction as you do only the things God created you to do.

 

© 2008 Purpose Driven Life.

All rights reserved.