Happy A!

HAPPY FOURTH ANNIVERSARY, MAHAL! THANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING. I LOVE YOU!!!HERE'S OUR WEDDING DAY POEM...AGAIN.

I carried a picture of you,

eversince

I was young and believed in fairy tales.   

 

 

I carried a picture of you,

as I learned more about the world.

    

 

 

I carried

a picture of you,

 

 

through all the times love let me down.

I carried a picture of you,  

through all the times I thought I would never meet you in this life.

  I carried a picture of you

not in my pocket, but in my heart.

  I didn't know what you would look like...

but I knew what it would feel like,

to finally know you

and be with you.

 

So loved... 

safe and protected...

respected and accepted.

Like I'd finally found HOME.

Wondrous!

  Hubby and I are in love! ………with Paul Potts.

             My half hour commute to work and half hour back everyday have been laced with classical notes lately.  Suffice it to say, recent days have been spent being awed, admiring and short of venerating this amateur-well-not-completely-untutored-but-yes-still-amateur tenor’s voice. You ought to hear his rendition of Nessun Dorma, Contepartiro, and my personal favorite, Caruso (“THE” one that makes the hair at the back of my neck stand ----there always has to be that one song!!!)

             Eversince my hubby’s buddy at work showed him Paul Potts’ YouTube clip from Britain’s Got Talent  (Thank you, Barry!), Aldred has undergone a 180 degree conversion, akin to the religious kind.  He, who is a big follower of deafening and angry music and he, who is a loyal advocate of noise, all of a sudden is quick to shush me out while Paul Potts belts out songs once given justice only by the likes of

Plácido Domingo, José Carreras and Luciano Pavarotti, and lately the ever gorgeous Andrea Bocelli, Russel Watson, Josh Groban and IL DIVO…and oh did I mention the sex appeal that came with the packages!

            Wondrous! It’s not about my better half’s cultural epiphany.  I’m talking about this ordinary guy who pulls off a really extra-ordinary thing! Paul Potts is the typical shy and insecure guy who, apart from not being blessed in the looks department, also leads a really ordinary life, perhaps even less.  He worked for Carphone Warehouse in UK as a cell phone salesman (though rumor has it that he was a Sales Manager).  Still!!! He is awesome. He draws you in as high and low operatic notes roll by. Jaw-dropping indeed.  He may not be technically superior to his predecessors and may not be able to please everybody especially those with well-trained ears, but when he sings, it’s enough to make tears fall, and make one’s hair stand --that, they say, is the hallmark of a good singer. From what I’ve heard, he is not at all well-off and could not even finish the music course that he has always aspired for. Maybe that’s why he rather unintentionally charms the audience despite the lack of the so-called “audio-video lock” in advertising lingo (voice=face).  We develop an emotional attachment and identification to his persona. There is a certain emotional quality in his performance that tugs at your heartstrings.  His story burrows deep into our hearts (almost painfully) as a
typical “underdog shines through” fairytale would. Why do we, humans, enjoy themes of vindication? Of the right outshining the wrong? Of the weak overcoming the strong? I don’t want to digress farther into a dissertation on the psychology and appeal of cinderella-like tales. All I want to say is that it is so damn true that there is always something beautiful and special in each of God’s creations. You just have to find it, give it a chance and let it shine through. Paul Potts is a prince charming in his own right.  I can hear God singing through his voice.  You’ve got to watch and hear him too!

         Wondrous! How truly wondrous!

------

LINKS: Weehee!!! Please click on each one if you love me:

1. AUDITION



2. SEMI-FINALS



3. FINALS



4. WINNING



5. CD: "One Chance" by Paul Potts






"Britain's Got Talent! God's Got a Miracle! A wonderful wonderful ONE!"

Trust the Fog

This one is for my “PENG YOU”, Eng, here in CA…you know who  you are…

            This morning, the thrilling married the sublime. I walked out of the house into dense fog. It’s one of those firsts for me. I couldn’t even see the neighbor’s house, nor the van that’s usually parked across the street.  I never had it this thick on the road by myself in my whole life! I was terrified, and thrilled at the same time.  I turned the headlights on, and off I drove.

           I don’t now where to begin describing how it was for me.  I couldn’t see anything except for about 5 feet of translucent view in front, and some faint flicker of traffic lights up ahead. I didn’t know where to stop, or if I should stop for pedestrians or cars.  All I knew was I had to keep on driving…trust my instincts and react based on experience, and tackle the road up ahead when I get there. Things were coming into view five feet at a time. True enough, I saw stoplights turning red, I saw figures wanting to cross, I saw headlights coming up on corners…appearing to me one at a time as I rolled by.  And I was able to deal with them.

            It occurred to me.  Isn’t this how life is sometimes? It’s not pure sunbeams and clear skies.  There are times when we have to deal with the fog not knowing where we are nor where we are heading. We just have to live through it, one day at a time, trust our instincts, apply learnings from past experiences, make the most out of it and just keep on doing what we do best. And if we nurture enough faith in our hearts, we keep going.  And we always find out that it always brings us somewhere anyway. Then life goes on.

            We have to trust the fog.  We have to trust what we see and not see five feet or even less ahead of us.  While it is important to see as far ahead as we can, there are times when we can’t and we just have to live with what is right under our nose, one step at a time.  Besides, it is at this time when we are within the shortest touching distance to God.  It is the time when we get to hold his hand for guidance and protection like a little child and we let him take us to where we are meant to be.  And we always end up being able to handle it.  It is the time when we hop into the passenger seat and let God take the wheel, at last.

            After all, as my co-worker has put it today, “It felt like this morning's drive was a walk in the clouds.”  Surely!

Halloween 2007

It’s one of those days. It’s lunch time. I plugged my earphones in my ears and played Alicia Keys in my iPod.  Immediately, I am transported to our vacation house in the Philippines, on a similarly cool day—perhaps not as cold, and where I’ve listened to the same kind of music except that over there, I’m locked up in my room, laying down on my bed and crossing back and forth the border of sleep and wakefulness, tinikling-style and in blurry slow-mo.  Instantly, I’m in a physical vegetative state in the present moment. I’m cooped up in my cubicle, lazy and lethargic as if I was hooked up to an IV of fast-acting liquified MSG. Well, I just devoured a hefty serving of rice and sliced sausages that I sautéed in garlic and onion a la pinoy last night (don’t forget the 3 squirts of ketchup!), that explains. I’m writing this just to keep my brain hanging on to the last threads of consciousness.  I’m hecka bored. I want to go home and go under the sheets, stat!

        I was a devilette for Halloween yesterday aka daemon babe, daemon chick, daemoness, daemonette whatever! We have been dressed up since the morning at work.  (Why do we, grown ups, enjoy dressing up in costumes and play pretend? Boy isn’t mankind all still kids at heart?!?!?! *SMILE*) Last night was a trip I took my niece trick-or-treating around the block.  I remember last year I tried to fake it and did some trick-or-treating myself, while pregnant at 4 months, as a sort of transitional rite and goodbye kiss to kidless-free-spiritedness (is there such a word?) and hello to “with-a-child-but-still-free-spirited-mommyhood”, marking an ending and a beginning.  But somewhere farther down the journey, God embraced our baby in His loving arms, and I have nothing to rant about that.  But I’m done with that trick-or-treating scam to stash away candy for myself. Now I’m in for some chaperoning, in style –as I would always have it. Halloween aka All Hallow’s Eve is still my most favorite night of the year and I will keep dressing up for it for as long as I can!

         Hubby coaxed me at the very last minute into joining the pumpkin carving competition at his workplace and we decided to go for it. I have already finished my cat-spider-and-lil-pumpkin by the window design when he told me, and so I just decided to add his company logo at the back to add a little pizzazz and at least make it competition-worthy.  I had no other choice because I was stuck with only one pumpkin.  Well, we won! Fifty bucks for having fun, what do you say about that! I was surprised that we won (the judges chose my entry over a chef’s work). Some guys from Al’s work thought I had traced a template and my typical proud hubby said “No, my wife free-handed it! Hell yeah!”  But, it’s true.  I free-handed it, because I’m always lazy to do all those multiple steps that “gifted” people choose to skip. Get the drift? Joke!!! Hahaha. Well, creativity is my twin, and imagination is my evil twin. In fact, I think I have been under-utilizing my talents lately…dum-di-dum-di-dum (talent? what talent???) I don’t think there was anything grand about our pumpkin.  But it seems like the other contestants also entered just for the heck of it and I was lucky enough to have a more precise and patient hand. It was one of those simple gradeshool-level contests to begin with.  But oh boy, now that I know…I am soooo looking forward to next year’s competition. Woohoo!!! Watch out! The Monica Geller has awakened in me…(remember F.R.I.E.N.D.S?)

        The bottom line is, I did it in memory of our little angel Cody, who is now watching over Al and me.  Please say a prayer for our little one. One year since his passing, almost.

        I’m not sleepy anymore.

Why can't I stop smilin'?

         

Hubby and I have a deal.  QUALITY TIME when we get home. No laptops, no phone calls, no cooking yet. Just talking or watching tv together (or eating sunflower seeds...I know how to do the one hand crack maneuver now too!!!).  Today, we get to use the laptop though.  Coz he's online, trying to find a house to buy...and so I grabbed my laptop too...and guess what! I'm on Friendster.  What else is new!!! (hush hush, I told him I'll help him surf for a nice affordable property...I'll keep you posted...)  Here's something I wrote last Thursday, during coffee breaks. I guess I should change my blogsite title now to ..."During Coffee Breaks, A Little at a Time"...or maybe I should just walk more than write more, huh.

_______________________________________________________________

         Does food ever make you try to beat the red light? In my case, I guess it does! Take barbecue for instance.  Texas style smoked barbecue pork!  Hubby promised me some from Everett and Jones Barbecue last night because it was my hula night and it was his turn to cook…uhrm…urhm…I mean, pick up food. I swear I caught myself almost speeding and running the red twice and the only reason I could think of was the barbecue.  (I could almost hear a spirit whispering behind me…go toward the goal…go toward the goal…the goal…the goal…) LOL. I will never even speed if I needed to use the bathroom.

       

            Anyway, I was just beaming while driving home from hula class.  Dance does that to me.  I was feeling down in the dumps all day. I was missing my baby boy. *SIGH* The baby that never was.  Then a few days ago, my hula teacher invited me to perform with them on the 13^th of October at another Hawaiian Festival.  Sooner than I expected! That is something to slash off my goal list again.  But I just remembered we’re going to LA that weekend to volunteer at my stepdaughter’s school.   I promised all of them I’ll go.  So it’s okay, I’ll forego the performance.  There will be a next chance.  These are just little things that remind me of how being a parent (or pseudo-parent?) is.  It’s about letting go of your own interests and dreams, big or small, for your child.  Am I ready? You bet! I may not have had enough from life yet but the answer is definitely yes.  But where is my own baby? It’s alright. I’ll just wait.

            And since I have been feeling in the pits the past days, I started missing home (the old home – PI).  I started missing my friends. But then last night at hula, it was one of my hula classmate’s birthday and the alakai (assistant) brought cake for all of us to share, as instructed by our kumu (teacher).  We all reloaded on calories after supposedly burning them off.  Chocolate and strawberry refrigerator cake!!! Yummo!!!  We were all singing and laughing.  I joined the practices even if I wasn’t going to perform. Our group is called Halau Makana, by the way.  Halau for group/or school, Makana for gift.  We are a family. This is my gift.

            I just found me another home, another new family in this new world I am in.  And I also had barbecue with my hubby for dinner! The kind that separates from the bones and melts in your mouth.  That is why!!!

            Mahalo!

~~~Clarisse 10/04/07

            

This is from your brother, David.

         I must be out of my mind but I look forward to work everyday.  Truthfully. Well, not the waking up early part.  Certainly not that.  But in general I get a happy feeling just with the prospect of coming to work each day.  I look forward to the intellectual and social challenge involved in the nature of my job.  I enjoy those geeksville doodads I drink and cough up everyday – think biochemistry marrying naturopathy.  I love all the endless mental gymnastics (on my toes!) and the math exercise I’m always thrown into --who says one can never learn to love something he used to detest? I like the adrenaline rush of coordinating among parties while defying seconds that tick by, the interesting and always novel challenges of problem-solving (well, 50% of those I can probably live without – these are the irksome ones) and most of all, I am thankful for the boundless opportunities to help others.

        Because I work for a nutraceutical company, I deal with health-care professionals—doctors and witch doctors (?) alike, health shops and the regular customers like you and me. This space isn’t enough if I try to recall the many moments that made my heart sing.  This is not to say, however, that there aren’t days which absolutely make my feelings plummet south. At the end of each day, I may be tired, but I feel good about myself.

        Let me share with you one of my favorites.  His name is David. He called one Friday afternoon to ask if I can process an order for Next Day shipment to his brother, who, in his own words, is “on his deathbed”.  He wanted one of our antioxidant supplements that has been studied and published in a journal as a good supplement for those afflicted with cancer.   I couldn’t make any claims about it being the miracle drug that might reverse it all or else FDA might go after my neck.  We also didn’t have any arrangement with UPS for Saturday deliveries, and if we had to, one might end up paying triple the product cost for freight alone.  His tone was harried and desperate and he said “No matter how much it costs, no matter what good or bad it may do, I will go for it.  My brother is sure to die, there can’t be anything worse than that. I cannot wait another day.  This is the best I can do.  I will not pass up on this one last shot. I will give it my very best.” After some phone calls, I was ready to ship out the order. He was just too happy that it was possible. Easy, you might think.  Nothing out of the ordinary in the nature of anyone’s job. Nothing heroic to throw my name into some majestic hall of fame.  Surely, it didn’t involve those excruciating red tape brouhaha I face with international shipments like the recent customs-related one I squirmed through with Ukraine .  But in the end, he said in his shaky, aged voice  “Oh, and can you please add something? Can you make a note for me? And slip it in?  Please write This is from your brother, David.”  No problem.  Tears were welling up from my eyes by the time we hang up.

        In my job, I am constantly reminded of how people want to keep living, and hang on to the last strands of health for whatever drives them.  Some may refuse to get ill or die because of the perks and comforts this world offers.   But most people just want to stick around for the ones they love…to be there for their family and friends.  Just the same, a lot of people will give anything so that their loved ones can stick around as well, for as long as they can. 

       Doesn’t this show us that LOVE still governs the world? That there is hope? That despite the war and despite people killing people, most of us will still give anything to make each other survive.  We still want to help each other out.  We still want to keep one another alive.  Love still rules.  It is still possible for all of mankind.  If only all of us will look deeper into what our hearts are really meant for.  And stick to that.

        At some point, we may have helped.  At another, we may have been helped. Or yet at another, we may simply have witnessed this phenomenon.  This is from your brother, David.  I had the privilege of writing that note, on a red border sticker.  I wrote one of the best testimonials of this love I’m talking about. 

        This is why I like what I do for a living.

~~~Clarisse (During coffee breaks, A little at a time) 10/03/07

Maybe I should start changing my blog title...

Tell me why do seagulls cry?

         I’m back from lunch. Actually, I replace my lunch with 30-minute walks now by the bay.  This time it’s for real. I eat my sandwich on either my 10am or 3pm coffee break. If that doesn’t work for my body, at least it will work for my sanity.  It was nice out there today.  The breeze wasn’t too cold although the sun on the way back got too hot on my face.  I’ll bring a hat next time.  There were small bursts of scented flowers in the air, in between whiffs of sea water, wet grass, and yes, jackrabbit “pellets”.

        I walked all the way to my favorite tree, which is always my turning point. The ocean was so calm, there was a single duck (or was that a seagull?) floating by the shore.  Probably the same little guy I saw yesterday.  He seemed oblivious to the world while the rest of his flock were flying smoothly like kites on the sky.  I admire him for that, he seemed to be enjoying his solitude.  I could hear the rest of the seagulls cry.  I could see the city across the bay.  The skyline was foggy but visible.  The bay bridge looked like it was lifted out from a faded photograph. And there seemed like a translucent veil between the mountains and me.

        Suddenly I felt sad as I slipped out of the blue into some serious thought, mulling over a painful part of my life. With everything that I got going in my life right now, it’s like the aspiration of becoming a mom just keeps being pushed further and further away into the back burner.  I am currently trapped in a loop of daily bliss and bustle, which I truthfully enjoy.  I’m getting quite content with my routine right now you can almost see some pregnant selfishness emanating.  I still want a baby, yes, but the thought hurts me so I tend to shun away from it and keep it at bay. Am I truly ready? Perhaps that is not even the appropriate question.  Where has all the looking forward gone? Maybe this is some kind of helpless surrender. Or grudge. A chip on my shoulder. I can’t define it.  It’s not the feeling of refusing to have my own baby per se, but the daunting thought of losing another one. 

        God will make all things beautiful in HIS time, in his terms.  I looked ahead.  The mountains were disappearing into the horizon. Please don’t let my heart disappear with them.

        Til next time.

Edamame

It seems like I am able to write on Fridays now. It’s one of those intermittent quiet twilight-zonish periods at work again (Is it getting more frequent now? I hope we ‘re not going out of business anytime soon!!!) Well, it’s one of those days where I can sneak open a browser or two for some non-work-related rendezvous in my cube. Let’s see... http://www.france-pub.com/french , because the Rosetta Stone is such a wallet-denter and www.costco.com, just to get ready for some weekend shopping. I’m sleepy and what a bummer of all bummers, there is no coffee left in the pot for me, and I’m too lazy to make my own cup.  I made a cup of Green Tea instead, but doesn’t tea have approximately 55 milligrams of caffeine per cup while coffee has approximately 125-185 milligrams of caffeine per cup? So to match my morning caffeine fix, I will probably have to down 3.36 cups of tea in one sitting, which will annoy my bladder eventually aside from the fact that the effect of caffeine in tea usually takes longer to enter the blood stream than coffee, which definitely annoys me already. One cup apparently doesn’t work for me.  By some stroke of luck, Moe dropped by my cube to deliver a plateful of edamames broiled in Kikoman Teriyaki sauce. Wow! Instant Japanese picnic on my desk!  It's something healthy to munch on while stifling sporadic yawns. She recommended that I suck on the outside to savor the sauce, which actually I found myself doing as if by instinct as soon as I squeezed the soybeans out from the pod.

What joy! I just discovered that I’m not the only orally-fixated individual in this health-conscious workplace.

Kodak Moments

KODAK MOMENTS by Clarisse P. M.

It’s everywhere. Photos have evolved from Sepia or B&W cold stares of people in top hats and gowns to wacky motion shots of people hanging up-side-down from monkey bars. A guy sprawled on the hood of a cobalt blue Mercedes. A 30-ish woman showing off a milk moustache. Marilyn Monroe reincarnated. A girl cheek-to-cheek with a Heineken bottle. 1001 versions of Da Vinci’s Vitruvian Man. We see them on Friendster, MySpace, Face Book, hi5, Xanga, 360, etc. even on Shutterfly, Winkflash, and I wouldn’t be surprised if The Yellow Pages and Missing Person websites get invaded as well.  Things have changed with the advent of digital cameras and camera phones. We have re-invented the traditional photo shoot. We take pictures of ourselves, by ourselves.  We now say “Pang-friendster! Pang-email! Smile!” (“For Friendster! For emails…”) in lieu of “Picture, picture! Smile! ” Here’s something I can't help but write about during my coffee breaks at work, 15 minutes at a time.  For your reading pleasure...

The BASIC SOLO

This is a basic self-portrait taken by the left hand of the subject (or the right, whichever is longer), stretched out in advanced yoga proportions that if lucky enough, would show a little bit of background, more often than not tilted at a 45 degree angle. And if it happens to be a face-imitating-a-plate case as mine is, then no bit of background is left, and sometimes the face is cropped at, luckily, some occasionally aesthetically sound perimeters.

The GROUP PICTURE

This is similar to the basic self-portrait except that there is more than one person in the frame, squeezed anchovies-in-a-flat-can style.  It could be boyfriend-girlfriend, hubby-wifey (as our case), a family picture, or the entire party pack.  This is taken by one of the subjects (with the longest arm, I suppose) and whose face might unfortunately end up halfway out of the frame -- you’ll recognize him with the bangs and one eye peeping in from one of the corners.  It looks good taken from up high, but from below, chances are, it would be a shocking expose of double chins (why am I often a victim of this?!?)  And oh, it is futile to attempt to capture a group moment and a picturesque background together, lest you want to have a picture by the beach which could have conveniently been taken at anyone’s backyard.

The SOLO redefined

I’m not sure which one needs to be mentioned first.  There is a plethora of potential here:

The Super Model Pout – You see people doing their own rendition of Angelina Jolie trying to see if she has a fly sitting on the tip of her lip pose --or if you’re a Filipino like me, you’re probably just pointing at something ober der (over there). Truthfully, it makes one look cute, it adds appeal, and plus, it’s a free-do-as-you-please world, but please don’t attempt it if you’re only 12 years old or 80, or something. Disclaimer: I don’t mean to hurt anyone with this, as I’m guilty of it myself at some point in my life and would certainly still try to pull a good one off if the situation calls for it.

The Pensive Look – On this one, we see people looking away from the camera, pretending a candid shot if only the outstretched arm holding the camera doesn’t give it away by materializing on either the lower left or the lower right corner of the frame. The subcategories for this one includes The Thinker (looking up), The Saint or The Holy One (looking down), The Demure (looking down with a small smile) and Paris Hilton (looking left or right).

The Mad Stare – The subject looks at the camera directly in the eye, or away, with the two eyebrows gravitating to each other in unibrow fashion, the nose wrinkling inward pulling the rest of the facial parts toward the center like a prune. (I guess, this is better called “The Constipated…” don’t you think?)

Seduction – a popular one is the Open-mouthed Smile with only a small view of the tongue curled up inside (risk: mosquitoes and bugs might get sucked into the mouth while doing this);  another hot one is the Wet Look, which is self-explanatory.  The hottest one, I believe, is the Tongue-sticking-out-on-one-side smile, which if not executed properly might make one accidentally drool, or look like one of those comic strip characters in Buhay Pilipino by Mars Ravelo. (I was digging my nose into Liwayway magazine as soon as I learned how to read)

Funny Face- This is when someone attempts to put on his original goofy and horrifically funny face, or sometimes, one doesn’t even need to try at all.

Body Parts- Because we are not content with just showing our faces, and gone are those days when we need another person to actually take the picture, we are now in the era where we can be magazine covers (or centerfolds) in a photo shoot that we can plot ourselves within the safe confines of our room – or bathroom. We see pictures of legs, arms, fingers (don't forget the PEACE sign), backs and other behinds, necks, napes, tattoos, foreheads, feet, armpits (really?) and yes, the most often shot area: cleavages (hills or prairies, it doesn’t seem to matter), and cleavages, and screaming CLEAVAGES plus a few other “landscapes” in the dark that we can’t even decipher or make anything out of.

The Views - In connection with the above, there is the popular aerial view where you can see the top of one’s head, or faces of people laying down on the grass, sand, snow, bed, or maybe even kitchen countertops; the side view/profile, the 90 degree angle, the up-side-down, the tilt (which is my favorite, by the way), the back view, the underwater shot, or other shots taken from only heaven knows where.

The Mirror Image- If all else fails, we see people resorting to mirror-aided shoots, including of course the reflection of no other than the handheld camera or camera phone itself, aimed a little below shoulder level like you discreetly would a 45.

My favorites for myself are the windblown look (guilty!), the cocktail-in-one-hand-let’s-drink-to-that pose (super guilty!), and recently, I have embarked into the Hat fever.  In a nutshell, we’ll find a million different expressions of human creativity with that little digital box. I have only touched the tip of the iceberg.

But seriously now, why do we do such things? Why do we take pictures? Have we really been simply “myspaced” or “friendsterized”?

There must be a deeper reason why.  In one of my many great conversations with my friend (Hi Ali!), we talked about what Susan Sarandon said in the movie “Shall we Dance?” about getting married “that you can co-exist and build a life and have a witness to your life.” Maybe this is how it is. We are built to share our lives as stage actors in a play would.  It is not confined only to the spouse, but it can be the best friend, the family, a group of friends, co-workers, parents and acquaintances.  All of us are closet celebrities who appreciate being seen, and are happy to share most parts of us to the audience world outside. They are the witnesses.  The pictures…evidences.

I used to take a lot of pictures when hubby and I were apart, so he could see each thing I did and witness each happy moment I had in the Philippines . I took pictures to preserve memories with my friends back home, and mainly for me to look back to when I start missing them.  Now that I am with hubby, we take pictures together to preserve the moment, for posterity and hopefully to help us with our memories when we start forgetting our own names.

Above all else, I am in this phase where I am taking pictures for my parents back home. Not to sound righteous or anything but I do take time out to even compose my shots just for them.  Maybe to compensate for not being there anytime they need me? This possible reason and realization just about pierced my heart.  What I know for sure is that I sincerely want them to see, and feel (if possible) from thousands of miles away each thing that I experience, everything that I see, wherever I go. Right now, I have a 4-inch thick bunch of prints waiting to be shipped back home, duly labeled and numbered, which my mom and dad would faithfully slip into stacks and stacks of photo albums to show family and friends. It’s so much better than email but certainly will never ever make up for not being there physically.

Friendster or MySpace, of course, come after the fact but I always look forward to posting pictures online and showing my friends what I have been up to. It’s a delightful feeling which I believe all of us share. After all, we are all beautiful miracles waiting to be witnessed.

Who do you take your pictures for?

~~~Clarisse aka Teacher C  8-28-07

A Cup of Coffee

        We got home really late last night.

        We had a lot of fun in LA last weekend and with these frequent trips we’ve been doing, I must say that long car rides, though they still take a lot from me, no longer drive me as nuts as they used to. It’s not because I’m not used to it. It’s just that I would rather be on my two feet (or on the bed) than sitting still on a moving vehicle for what seems like forever. But yes, Saturday was really fun. We spent the morning beach-combing at Huntington beach with my hubby’s cousin, Ian. Had a few easy cocktails (some Absolut Ruby Red mixed with Cranberry, and a slice of lemon --- yumm!) and just walked around lazily passing surfers, joggers and sunbathers. I missed Boracay all of a sudden. Our afternoon was spent at Station 13 at the State Beach. We chaperoned my stepdaughter at her band's picnic. It was really awesome. We were around kids and other parents just eating, talking and sitting out on the sun on our picnic mats. Alyssa made me my first real smores from the bonfire (not that I haven’t tried it before, but would pre-made grocery-sold smores really count?) I really liked it, most especially because Aldred pulled me out of the crowd to watch the sunset.

       

        Then we had a quiet evening celebrating Al’s cousin-in-law’s birthday at their place, just bonding over bottles of Snapple (yes, Snapple!), while listening to IZ in the background singing my favorite songs. The original plan was to spend Sunday at Universal Studios (since they said they will be tearing down Back to the Future soon…as if it matters, but might as well, right?)…then it shifted to a short trip to Disneyland…then last minute over sunday brunch at Denny’s, Al decided to bring us to Sunset Blvd. instead, and do a mini-tour of Downtown LA, perhaps eat some Pink’s hotdogs. We would postpone Uni and Disney to some other time when we can spend more time there. That sounded really good since I don’t think they will be closing down anytime soon anyways, hahaha. As we were heading to Sunset though, we got word that Peewee (another cousin of Al) is in town on his first international flight as a licensed PAL pilot. We took a grand detour to reunite with family instead. I was really happy to see him again.  It was all worth it even if we just ended up in a mall before heading back upnorth.

        The drive back last night was tiring. As if the repetitive lines on the freeway weren't hypnotizing enough, Al was listening to this audio CD of Stephen Pressfield's book, "Gates of Fire" (have you seen “300” – The Battle of Thermopylae?)-- while I, a self-proclaimed bookworm, was busy head-banging my way in and out of consciousness.

        What can you expect? This morning, must I say, it’s another one of those terrible Monday mornings for my head. I was sleepy and didn’t want to wake up for work. When my friend Monica saw me, she knew right away (from how I looked, I guess!) that I had another one of those busy blurry weekends that I tend to complain about. She surprised me with a cup of coffee at my desk, five minutes before I went on my coffee break. Sure this was another busy, blurry weekend, leaving me lagging behind chores and other things (FOR PETE'S SAKE, THERE ARE STILL NO VALID EXCUSES FOR UNWASHED DISHES OR A DIRTY FLOOR!) I painfully discovered here in America , crazy social obligations, errands and schedules packed like sardines will toss you around like a tennis ball if you don't rule over them. Tita Ces is right. Here, life will dictate you if you don’t try your best to dictate it.   I’m not sure which one works for me at this point though since, looking back, I see that we also managed to pull out a great degree of fun somehow. Either way is okay I guess, although Al and I have decided to slow down pretty soon. Maybe after September.  But that is the same thing that we said about August.  Or July. *SIGH* For Labor Day weekend, he and I might play hookie, not from work, but from everyone else. And I ain't telling...

        Life will dictate you if you don’t try your best to dictate it.  Hmmm. Sounds logical.  Well, I have learned to see that either way makes me happy, for now. Sometimes it's futile to go against the flow. It's really a case to case thing and I just choose to dance the dance for now instead of fret and be miserable.  It could be really tiring, but this day to day life here can still be a piece of cake. Eating it can be my cup of tea. Or coffee for me.

Clarisms II

TGIF! Aside from it being a Friday…I got paid today!

It’s slow at work today, so I get a chance to write something. I tried to cut my bangs in my cube yesterday when things got too slow (if you think I’m joking, then you really don't know me that much yet) I realized my bangs have gotten too long that it was tugging on one side of my hairline, making it look like an ugly thinning out patch...so cut I did! Now my bangs are so thick, puffy but light that they stand on their own and make me look like I just got up from bed, and it’s 2:26 pm!) Today, there’s nothing left for me to cut and I’m sure my co-worker won’t appreciate it if I start styling her hair --though sometimes, I catch myself mentally trying to do so.  So I’m writing instead. I’m actually emailing this from my work email to my yahoo ad, since our security firewall blocks Friendster like it’s one of those wanted psycho serial killers.  What a bummer. I’ll just upload it tonight. One passionate blogger could be that desperate, y'know! And hopefully embellish it with pictures too (if this one comes out with pictures, that means I actually had time in between evening chores and hubby-related affairs--tv, basically).  It’s been a while since I’ve done that.  Not that I am one of those desperately-needing-to-blog-everytime-online-journal-junkies, well, yeah, maybe I am, sort of…whatever! I would usually write to make something out of an experience. But today, these are just random bouncing thoughts to pass the time, and hopefully it takes me somewhere. Or at least just to record some irrelevant stuff in my journal, which, who knows may be worth something someday.  Call me a hopeless sentimental.  I just like to keep record of my biographical thingamajigs. Yeah right, like I would be famous someday.  Like a special little spot will be cordoned in a museum for me one day. Alright, guilty!  That’s actually one of the dreams that my subconscious secretly desires.  Well, just in case this happens, curators will not have a hard time gathering and authenticating my mementos.  I have two memory chests back home that has a lot of it, and I mean, it is one organized lot! Let me recall…my first notebook when I was first starting how to write and draw, my favorite toys…a fisher price dollhouse (which is a duplex now after it was split into two following a child-induced seismic calamity), a stinky pillow in the shape of Minnie Mouse’s head, which I creatively drawn eyebrows and teeth on with a Pilot pentel pen, a small piano with technicolored keys, etc.  I also have my ballet and other performance costumes, except for the ballet shoes---where did they go? Then there are my sketch pads, slumbooks, year-by-year journals and moldy filo-faxes, my Trapper Keepers, some test papers (with nice scores ofcourse, the rest have been conveniently burned or used as confetti), my cheerleader uniforms (including some pom-pom samples, which, I believe are disintegrating by now). Or even a small t-shirt with “Clarisse” printed out on the front back in those days when I was a Size 0 (I was probably 5 yrs old then, hahaha). Wow, this is launching me into an impromptu trip down memory lane.  Let’s not go there today.  But well, I really don’t know why I like keeping these things.  I'm not really attached to them.  I just like to be organized with them.  Maybe to have something to brag about around my lucky descendants someday?  ("ano ka, cheerleader  po ang LOLA mo!!!") Or well, maybe to show my hubby how special I am? (I don’t really need to, actually…he believes in me more than I believe in myself, or sometimes, even more than what I am really capable of doing.  Like there was one time in an official event, his proud a$$ volunteered me on-the-spot to do something geeky just because someone else couldn’t get the presentation’s software to run ("go wifey, show them what you’ve got!") and for the life of me, I didn’t have any clue what to do! 

Maybe I file away my tangible and intangible memories systematically so these could be reminders for myself of the many things that I have experienced and to thank God, my parents, and everyone I have crossed paths with for paving the way for me.  Maybe it is also a reminder for me now, to keep working on this journey as positively as I can, add up to the memory chest and squeeze in a million more brand new experiences everyday.  After all, I am a special and beautiful work in progress, and that is how it always will be.