Hubby and I have a deal. QUALITY TIME when we get home. No laptops, no phone calls, no cooking yet. Just talking or watching tv together (or eating sunflower seeds...I know how to do the one hand crack maneuver now too!!!). Today, we get to use the laptop though. Coz he's online, trying to find a house to buy...and so I grabbed my laptop too...and guess what! I'm on Friendster. What else is new!!! (hush hush, I told him I'll help him surf for a nice affordable property...I'll keep you posted...) Here's something I wrote last Thursday, during coffee breaks. I guess I should change my blogsite title now to ..."During Coffee Breaks, A Little at a Time"...or maybe I should just walk more than write more, huh.
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Does food ever make you try to beat the red light? In my case, I guess it does! Take barbecue for instance. Texas style smoked barbecue pork! Hubby promised me some from Everett and Jones Barbecue last night because it was my hula night and it was his turn to cook…uhrm…urhm…I mean, pick up food. I swear I caught myself almost speeding and running the red twice and the only reason I could think of was the barbecue. (I could almost hear a spirit whispering behind me…go toward the goal…go toward the goal…the goal…the goal…) LOL. I will never even speed if I needed to use the bathroom.
Anyway, I was just beaming while driving home from hula class. Dance does that to me. I was feeling down in the dumps all day. I was missing my baby boy. *SIGH* The baby that never was. Then a few days ago, my hula teacher invited me to perform with them on the 13th of October at another Hawaiian Festival. Sooner than I expected! That is something to slash off my goal list again. But I just remembered we’re going to LA that weekend to volunteer at my stepdaughter’s school. I promised all of them I’ll go. So it’s okay, I’ll forego the performance. There will be a next chance. These are just little things that remind me of how being a parent (or pseudo-parent?) is. It’s about letting go of your own interests and dreams, big or small, for your child. Am I ready? You bet! I may not have had enough from life yet but the answer is definitely yes. But where is my own baby? It’s alright. I’ll just wait.
And since I have been feeling in the pits the past days, I started missing home (the old home – PI). I started missing my friends. But then last night at hula, it was one of my hula classmate’s birthday and the alakai (assistant) brought cake for all of us to share, as instructed by our kumu (teacher). We all reloaded on calories after supposedly burning them off. Chocolate and strawberry refrigerator cake!!! Yummo!!! We were all singing and laughing. I joined the practices even if I wasn’t going to perform. Our group is called Halau Makana, by the way. Halau for group/or school, Makana for gift. We are a family. This is my gift.
I just found me another home, another new family in this new world I am in. And I also had barbecue with my hubby for dinner! The kind that separates from the bones and melts in your mouth. That is why!!!
Mahalo!
~~~Clarisse 10/04/07
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