Aaaaargh!!!

 

--written 2/26/09 for Coffee, Anyone? ---

Since I have been feeling kind of in the pits lately, my klutz factor has been busy wreaking havoc wherever I tread. I broke my phone at work on Monday when I accidentally yanked it off too hard. The manager kidded me that it was going to be deducted from my paycheck, a  scary joke of course, then he asked if I wanted to keep the audio piece so I can frame it and hang it alongside the other casualties of my destructive abilities.  They replaced the broken part and threw in a piece of tootsie roll for good karma. And then I almost let 3 innocent bottles of Magnesium Chloride liquid freeze as I completely overlooked the 1º temperature.  Good thing they caught it just in time. No wonder I've been having a weird gut feel in my chest (or somewhere in my body where gut feels cultivate themselves), that something wasn't right and slipped under my nose again.

I haven't been cooking either. And yesterday, I almost nodded off at a stoplight. Go ahead, Clarisse, start a personal collection of traffic violations only two days after you've settled your last fine...

Worse, I have let some opps for paid posts expire on me! ingrata... Inspiration eludes me and motivation has really been quite scarce lately as I have been pouring my attention and energy somewhere else. Blame it on gravity, the moon, or hormones going haywire.  Yeah, all of the above. This morning, I woke up at 7:18am because I ended the alarm clock's incessant cries by turning it off at 7:00am instead of hitting the snooze button.

I think I'm already withdrawing from caffeine on the very first day without a cup. My body is slowly decaffeinating and it's not liking it. But why the heck did I start writing this post again? Oh, I wanted to tell you about my dream before it fades away throughout the day. Last night, or was it this morning. Yes, I believe it happened between turning off the alarm at 7am and waking up looking like a wide-eyed human electric shock at 7:18.

In my dream I was surrounded by fairies. First there was one, she introduced herself as "Cavalieri". And then there were two...and then five.  And not only that, it seemed as if all the kids' imaginary friends started to congregate around me. They were all talking to me but no one else could see them and I felt embarassed in my dream that hubby caught me speaking to someone, this Cavalieri...who was complaining that I didn't "see" her yesterday. Funny. 18 minutes seemed like an eternity in dreamland. There were sweeping images of me living in a Victorian house and discovering a secret passage to the attic and a staircase to the basement; Imelda Marcos (the heck!) behaving like a lowly and ordinary country lass barging into my room barefoot (Imelda not wearing shoes!?!) but she was wearing stockings and she handed me a pair of signature sunglasses (woohoo!) but I tried it on and my right eye couldn't see as if it was a Harry Potter trick and then I worried that I was going blind as a complication of severe health issues; my uncle was also in my dream complaining about the scent of brooms which incidentally multiplied before my eyes; then my two old friends and a smorgasbord of other images one can only summon vividly in REM sleep.  It was strange yet entertaining. I felt like Alice in Wonderland. Really quite interesting...

I dabbled in dream analysis in my graduate school courses, that's why usually, dreams end up making me smile. They sort of rub the mounting yet unrecognized feelings on my face. And in the end, I'd give it a knowing nod. One thing about dreams, they cannot be defined by dream dictionaries. They are contextual and subjective. They lay snuggly on the life of the one who had the dream, with threads attached to the mind, the heart and even the physical aspects, and later on to be interpreted in context and according to the different theoretical frameworks of Psychology that one adheres to. So anyway, enough of this.

Among stuff that I'm revealing (of course, there are some that I'll keep) , well, perhaps it's all because I just wrote about hoping to have a Victorian house with a B and B one day. And Imelda Marcos' cameo role? I'd like to think that it's because no matter what, I still try to see the weak and human side of a person notwithstanding how powerful or vicious one has been-- and most importantly, the goodness in each one. And freaking health issues...I've been wrestling with them lately, those which aren't mine, those that befell me, and the ones in the imaginary category, which accounts for 98% of the time. And yes, I've been reading about imaginary friends too. It's entitled "If You Could See Me Now" by Cecelia Ahern. It's my bathroom book at the moment so expect that I won't finish it for a long time since I'm usually done with my business before I am able to turn a page. Ooops, too much information. I'm really losing it.

Blame it on withdrawal from caffeine. I'll get over it eventually.

 

Wednesday's Child

...is full of woe. That's what the poem says. Anyway, it's Wednesday and I can't think of anything sensible to say. Well, half of the time my posts really don't make sense at all anyway but I'd like to think that on the other 50% of the time,  my post does hit a homerun at least. So today is one of those garbage gibberish. Maybe. I usually just go with the flow.

Monday was...well, yeah, I don't do Mondays. Lately, things have been unstable. You know how it is when at last you strike a balance in your life and then all of a sudden, something happens that pulls the rug from under your feet. That's how it feels.  Well, life is like a box of chocolates (Yes, Forrest)...you'll never know what you're gonna get (Run, Forrest, run!). It's about some health concerns for the two people I love and who I wish I'm there for. I hope and pray that my mom and dad will be blessed with good health and healing and will be spared from further nerve-wracking stress. For those who haven't yet experienced that, let me tell you...medical tests are like double-bladed swords -- they are a good way to diagnose and design a treatment plan, but they also have the ultimate power to drive you nauseous and vomiting.  The results, I believe, are the only pieces of paper I know that has the power to tear right into one's heart. I hope everything goes well. We might later find out that there is really nothing I should have worried about in the first place. You know how sometimes you brace yourself for the worst and then nothing happens? You close your eyes even longer, hold your breath and clench your fists and it's still pregnant silence...no aliens, no tornado, no rapid gunfire.  It's hard when I'm far away. I can only hope and pray while I wish I am there with them every step of the way. I want to take care of them and protect them and reciprocate how much they have done for me. Thy will be done, Lord...(but here's hoping you can change your mind, Lord).  Just kidding. I am one to embrace God's plans, I know He always has something up his sleeve that is even more beautiful than my human mind can ever create. So I await.

So anyway, let me tell you about the weekend. The truth is I'm really lazy to go through the details. Let me just tell you that hubby had a blast with his friends up in Tahoe and the photos were amazing. He came back with three humonguous pine cones for me (I can see the question mark over your head...trust me, it's sweet). As for my movie marathon, us girls had so much fun too. It graduated into an impromptu slumber party. Followed by the Oscar's over a dinner of leftovers last Sunday. I did manage to squeeze in going to church too! My first time ever to attend Vietnamese services...Perhaps never again. I have nothing against Vietnamese, it's just that I'd rather have it on my dinner plate. Seriously, Vietnamese or not, it's easier to concentrate when you hear words that you can comprehend. It would have been different with the Mexican service because I can understand Spanish. Or under any circumstance, we can just speak and listen in the universal language which only our hearts can hear and speak. It's the language of prayer. Surprisingly, everyone knows it, some just refuse to use it.

It's Ash Wednesday today...for us Catholics, we normally think of what to give up as a sacrifice so we can be in communion with our Lord Jesus Christ's suffering on the Cross.  Catholic or not, Christian or not, believers and non-believers alike...This whole thing is really all about LOVE and what we want to do to NOURISH IT. After all, don't we make sacrifices for our spouses/bf/gf/bff/abcdef??? When we offer sacrifices, we give up worldly things we are attached to the most, and thus we strip ourselves of the things that obscure our senses -- these things that inhibit our ability to recognize what truly matter the most. When we make sacrifices, we purify our minds and hearts in the process so that we can welcome more goodness in. This includes being sorry for our sins and FORGIVING those who wronged us. For spiritual skeptics, you very well know that this has a scientific and psychological value too right? In other words, and in any language or discipline, when our hearts are clean, love begins to grow, and goodness comes in (and stays).

So...what am I giving up for Lent? Blogging.  And you know that I'M KIDDING -- because I have paid articles to make and a long list of opps that need to pay some bills. So what am I giving up for Lent? There are three important things but I'm not telling. I'm not going to ask you what you're going to give up either, and you don't have to tell me.  Just promise me that you'll be doing it for the right reasons and that you'll make it good. 

Let's all make it good. Hmmm. I think this post made sense after all.

---written 2/25/09 for Coffee, Anyone? ---

 

I should wear horse blinders...

my special pair of prescription prism eyeglasses (I'm special!)

My husband just called my attention again as we were watching TOP CHEF. He thought I was looking at our dresser which was on the left side of our flat screen that's mounted on the wall directly in front of our bed. He thought I wasn't paying attention again, because my face was angled perfectly toward the dresser. But the truth is...I was watching TV....SIDEWAYS!

So he called my attention as I told him to do so everytime he notices it. He's not the first one. Friends, ex-boyfriends (I make an embarassing movie date LOL) and my parents have noticed it to a point of asking me to get an audiometry (hearing) test which I willingly subjected myself to. They thought something was wrong with my right ear that I had to aim my left ear at people, television sets and other visual and auditory stimuli all the time. Isn't it charming and cute though? HAHAHA. Paris Hilton does a lot of side-staring too!!! Hearing test was normal, thank you very much. Several optometrist appointments later, we discovered that my eyes were the culprit. Vision was 20/20 but focus needs a little help from a special kind of lenses (and I seriously thought only my brain was focus-challenged).

It's not so bad but I have to wear eyeglasses everytime I'm working on anything that involves watching, reading and computer work (and any form of STARING) to avoid strain. And since I'm stubborn, I have not worn eyeglasses in years. I have a total of 3 inexpensive frames in different styles and colors and 2 signature ones. The drawer has been wearing them since they came out of the lab. It's better that way because I would accidentally sit on them, mispace them, leave them in my car, bury them under old receipts, lipsticks and other things in my purse.

Hubby reminded me to start wearing my eyeglasses again before I eventually evolve into the head-spinning girl from The Exorcist.



I'm going to start wearing them again -- never mind if I misplace them and get stressed out trying to find them everywhere. Chances are they'll be sitting on top of my head anyway.

Some stuff you get from networking

My brother-in-law had dinner with us two nights ago. I found out that he jumped into the Facebook bandwagon too. It's amazing how we can reconnect with people who we haven't seen for 2 or 3 decades. AMAZING when you seem to pick up where you left off, that being a rough and exciting frolic in the  mud while our noses were busy with snot and sniffles twenty-some years ago. HORRENDOUS when zombies start rising from the grave e.g. your old flame, your spouse's old flame, or your highschool nemesis.  

Old Flame #2 wrote to me -- and I don't know how he found my profile, "WOW, you look good," (well, I wouldn't be posting disastrous-looking photos, would I? -- though these make up about 92.2584% of all my shots *LOL*!) "I missed you so much, can you add me up? Promise I won't say anything, unless you want me to."

That earns the most mega-ginormous *DUH* ever in the history of my *duhs*.

So anyway, on the brighter side, we're happy to see photos of old friends exploring the world, traveling around Europe, posing beside the leaning tower of Pisa, the Eiffel, random shots from moving trains, new-born babies, pre-school events, out of town trips, memoirs of visiting London by car or trekking the Amazon on foot. 

We're happy because we were there when they were still weaving these dreams. And we're happy because we can see these coming into fruition one at a time, photo after photo, post after post.

Facebook and other good networking sites reunite people online.  And then reunite kindred spirits in person eventually when they decide to.

Just avoid the weirdos, you know what I mean.

Unbelievable!

My cactus is back from the dead! I checked today and it's all green again. Someone snipped the wilted extremities off and in place, I saw little buds emerging.  The flowers are going to be back! Yippy! I'm learning a little on how to raise a cactus. 

Thanks to my imaginary cactus-keeper. 

My Obama Dreams

It's very common that after whirlwind weekend trips to LA, I just pretend that the week doesn't have a Monday. It goes like this: Saturday-Sunday-Tuesday....yada yada. I don't see anything outlandish about that because it's something I have long gotten used to. We normally get home two-ish on Monday morning, sleep, get up to go to work, float dreamily throughout the day and hope and pray that no sleep-deprivation-induced work-related mishaps occur. It's now Tuesday...I don't remember Monday at all. Maybe there really wasn't any Monday yesterday. But so far...so good. I think I did okay at work. I hope.

What's odd though is not the feeling that I have just woken up after skipping a tiny box in the calendar between Sunday and Tuesday, but that I dreamt of President Obama...again.  And it's not your regular I-shook-his-hand dream, nor the I-saw-him-on-TV dream.  For the second time, I dreamt that we were dancing together at the Ellen Degeneres show...just kidding!!!  I had really dreamt that we were real-life friends and that I was giving him pieces of advice --me, who doesn't usually give a hoot about politics *duh*. The first dream occured a long time ago before the election hype even picked up.  And the second time was last night or early this morning (how does one know the time of the dream anyway?).  Strange. I'm not even sure if I like him now after he signed an executive order ending the ban on federal funds for international groups that perform abortions or provide information on the option. Maybe that's why. I am seriously against that.

What I am really holding on to is hopefully a sound plan and action from him to help struggling Americans and lift the nation’s distressed businesses out of a lagging economy. I hold my breath for that. Don't we all?

Every household can feel the effect of the current global downturn. Layoffs, real estate losses,  corporate bankruptcies, growing crime rates (thus, creating a vicious cycle) have reached epidemic levels I can't even begin to envision how we are going to cope in the next few years. We are now stripped of pursuing gargantuan american dreams and are now down to the basics of figuring out how to pay for the next month's mortgage or rent, some even living day-to-day.

Here's my two cents, for what it's worth. I think it is a very humbling experience. It is good to pick up a lesson or two on resilience, patience, resourcefulness, humility, FAITH in God, simplicity and contentment of poorer nations-- where living, laughing and loving (and praying!) continue to be the richest resources and where usually, these are enough.