It's raining today. I hate getting my feet wet so after having lunch with my Ate Shelly, she let me stay at her place and wait until she gets off from work. I made myself busy doing online things - important ones this time. Aside from trying to figure out how her coffee machine works, I was also busy balancing our checking account and going through each transaction one by one. Then my phone rang. It's Mommy.
I miss my mom. But I feel so bad when she misses me that sometimes when she calls, I tend to think...oh no, is she gonna cry again? It's as if sometimes it's all my fault that I'm away. Well, it is really my own doing! But yeah, I have a husband...a family and home to build...my own life story to continue, so I guess that's really how it is at this point in our lives. If it's something that can't be helped, maybe we should really just take it one day at a time, accepting the situation as it is. For now.
Sometimes, I'm too busy to text or call her. I still take time everyday to say hi, with occasional misses though. I used to call her every other day until she discovered this budget phone card that makes the deal cheaper if she's the one who makes the call. Now I just wait for her to call, and when she does, we talk for a long time. Sometimes, with the life here in America, I must admit I tend to think about too many other things while she talks to me --like the stuff on my TO DO list, and other thoughts that come flying about. Everytime though, something tugs in my heart that says, "Hey, pay attention...That is your mom talking". This is my mom going through every important detail happening in her life, so excited to share it all with me. This is my mom walking me through all the colors, scents and textures of everything around her in an effort to let me experience these and catch up on everything despite the distance.
Today, she talked about the details of her 50th High School reunion. I was listening to her as I cross-checked each current transaction of my B of A checking account online. Suffice it to say, I was fading in and out of the conversation.
And then she started singing.
Her voice sounded low and worn out, probably from practices for her reunion show, or maybe from fatigue. It melted my heart. I completely stopped the other task I was doing and tuned in only on her. My mom. She's singing the songs they picked for their reunion program.
She was singing them all for me.
After we hang up, I almost wanted to cry. I wanted to play the phone conversation over and over in my head and hear her sing once more. I wish I recorded it. It sent me a slow melting realization that from now on, I should cherish each moment with my mom. We have our share of disagreements and emotional episodes. But what mother-daughter relationship doesn't? No matter what, I will bear in mind that each conversation, no matter how ordinary, is precious. Each moment with her, priceless. Moments can be played again, yes. But that is only through our memory...and almost always, it never tastes the same. Good thing it's not too late yet for me.
I love my mom. And she loves me. I'll call her again tonight.
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