My Starfish

Have you ever heard of The Starfish Story? It's one of my favorites. Just thought I'd share this one today. One of my friends wrote to my Friendster inbox. She thanked me for the blog I wrote a few days back (check out "1000 Places to See Before You Die"). She said it offered her some answers to a few existential questions she had been mulling over for a while. She said it defined some things she was failing to see. That made my heart sing! That blog was about PURPOSE.  And with the message she sent, I felt that somehow I also fulfilled my own purpose. You see, I blog for a reason. And she's my starfish story. (Thanks, "G")

The Starfish Story

adapted from The Star Thrower by Loren Eiseley
1907 - 1977

Once upon a time, there was a wise man who used to go to the ocean to do his writing. He had a habit of walking on the beach before he began his work.

One day, as he was walking along the shore, he looked down the beach and saw a human figure moving like a dancer. He smiled to himself at the thought of someone who would dance to the day, and so, he walked faster to catch up.

As he got closer, he noticed that the figure was that of a young man, and that what he was doing was not dancing at all. The young man was reaching down to the shore, picking up small objects, and throwing them into the ocean.

He came closer still and called out "Good morning! May I ask what it is that you are doing?"

The young man paused, looked up, and replied "Throwing starfish into the ocean."

"I must ask, then, why are you throwing starfish into the ocean?" asked the somewhat startled wise man.

To this, the young man replied, "The sun is up and the tide is going out. If I don't throw them in, they'll die."

Upon hearing this, the wise man commented, "But, young man, do you not realize that there are miles and miles of beach and there are starfish all along every mile? You can't possibly make a difference!"

At this, the young man bent down, picked up yet another starfish, and threw it into the ocean. As it met the water, he said, "It made a difference for that one."

This story has appeared all over the web in various forms, usually with no credit given to Mr. Eiseley. Sometimes it is a little girl throwing the starfish into the ocean, sometimes a young man, once even an elderly Indian. In any form it is a beautiful story and one that makes you think. Loren Eiseley was a anthropologist who wrote extensively. He was the 'wise man' in the story, and he was walking along a beach after a storm and encountered the fellow throwing the starfish back.

Thanks to http://muttcats.com/starfish.htm

Dancing Queen

Going home last night, hubby played this really great hiphop song in the car and I started dancing in my head. Yes! Dancing in my head. I do that a lot. Can't help it.  I hear dance music and I close my eyes and see myself dancing.  Which of course gives me this crazy little delusion that I'm J-Lo's long lost twin. I mean, well, I do dance. I know how and I have a good sense of rhythm. I can pretty much do a variety of steps and can catch up pretty fast.  I've performed a lot too. I even have this necklace that says "Dancing Queen" (aaah sweet!!!)...Dancing is my happiness. It gives more life to my life! But... this dancing in my head thing? Okay, I can do pirouettes and splits and those back-breaking back bends --IN MY HEAD.  I've got this illusion of me frozen from the past (and one thousand or so pounds ago) when I could still do them. Until I saw myself in the mirror doing the actual thing.  REALITY BITES. Darn. First of all, why did that remind me of Sesame Street's Big Bird dancing to "Sunny Day" - remember that theme song? I like to make fun of myself, but this one is...well, uhm, kind of truthful, y'know! (No wonder hubby sometimes hums the song "Watch it wiggle" from this Jello commercial.) Secondly, I realize I need more floor space for those twirls, space kicks and turns now, so I don't bump into or knock down walls (size and motion...you do the math!). I knew it, I should have taken it seriously when the doctor said that I have my pregnancy weight...without the baby. *SIGH*  I still refuse to let go of the Dancing Queen throne.  And I know dancing in my head won't burn any calories either. It's really time to hit the gymn...(*SIGH* again)

1000 Places to See Before You Die

         Before our Valentine's Dinner, my husband took me to Costplus World Market to kill some time.  He bought me some dark chocolate-coated macadamias and I saw this book as we were checking out, "1000 Places to See Before You Die".  Not that it sent my world careening wildly off its axis, but it did send random thoughts zinging and dinging in and out of my head (I could almost see them swoosh like bullets through the left hemisphere to the right and vice versa, hahaha).

        What is life all about?  Is it living to see how many places one can see in a lifetime? Is it about how much food we can taste?  What are we in this world for? What's the main point, really?  Is it to get married, have kids, send them to college, get old, get sick and then say goodbye? Is it striving hard to build the best looking house ever? Or is it about how many friends one can collect? Or how many cars we can squeeze in our garage? Is it how successful we can become in business or in the workforce? Or how much money we will have in the bank? Or is it how far we can travel or how far we can go? How about those people who seem at peace with having the same thing over and over in the course of their lives, living in the same place forever. Same ol' same ol'.  Are they failures then? What if they are happy anyway?

        I know that life is a gift from God.  He gave us life so that we may experience different things and grow in His love.  But philosophically, how do you confront these questions?

        A million more bore through my head like a rainfall of laserbeams. Usually, it's hard for me to stop the giant snowball of thought from rolling once it gets started.  I tend to stare in space and words would continue to boil inside me.  But I had to stop them.  This was Valentine's night and I had my husband and a great meal to focus on. And must I add, A LOVE TO CELEBRATE.

        Then bingo! I realized it's really time to stop thinking.  My life itself holds the cheat sheet of answers.  I have a funny and caring husband standing in line with me by the cashier of Costplus. We just exchanged Valentine presents at home before going out to dinner.  So...what am I here for? I am a wife above all else! And I am a daughter, I am a mom (to my stepdaughter), and hopefully a future mom to my own kids in the next years to come.  I am a friend, I am a cousin, I am a sister.  Right now, my main priority is to build this relationship, home and family with my loving husband in the most beautiful way we can.  It is different from what used to be my main reason for living --going through college, passing exams, getting that first job.  In the next coming years, things may be different once again.  So forgive me for the cliche, but life really isn't the destination.  It is the journey.  We wake up each day to fulfill what is needed of us or what we want for ourselves each day. For one, it may be traveling the world and seeing a thousand places, visiting more art museums, or taking care of a flock of grandchildren.  For me, I would like to have and raise more kids (go Clarisse, launch wonderful lives into this awesome world!), be there for my parents in their old age (allow me to cross that bridge when I get there), hold my own art exhibit, write my own book, travel with my husband to Hawaii, Paris, Ireland, Spain...and most of all, have a squeaky clean home full of warmth, love and laughter. It surprises me, but I even find fulfillment in each muffin I bake, each tile I scrub, and every basketful of laundry that I fold.  Everything is tailor-made for each one. 

        So yes, as long as we're in pursuit of our own love and happiness and we wake up one day living it until the next goal we set, while making others and the world around us happy as well (or maybe even helping them out to achieve their own thing too!), life is "happening". It is all good.  It is about how happy we can become, given our own personal standards...and most of all, how much love we can give.

         Material things are okay, but remember, the heart is our only purse that we can take with us to heaven.  What do u want to put into that purse?

50 Promises for Marriage

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY, PEEPS!

This blog is dedicated to four special people in my family who are getting "hitched" soon...

My sis Lissa to Roy (2007), my cousin Carlo to Cathy (2007), my cousin Gina to Philip (2008) and my sister Trina to RJ (2008).  This list was given to me a long time ago. Kinda works!  Let me pass it on...

50 PROMISES FOR MARRIAGE

1. Start each day with a kiss.

2. Wear your wedding ring at all times.

3. Date once a week.

4. Accept differences.

5. Be polite.

6. Be gentle.

7. Give gifts.

8. Smile often.

9. Touch.

10. Talk about dreams.

11. Select a song that can be "our song".

12. Give back rubs.

13. Laugh together.

14. Send a card for no reason.

15. Do what the other person wants before he or she asks.

16. Listen.

17. Encourage.

18. Do it his or her way.

19. Know his or her needs.

20. Fix the other person's breakfast.

21. Compliment twice a day.

22.  Call during the day.

23. Slow down.

24. Hold hands.

25. Cuddle.

26. Ask for each other's opinion.

27. Show respect.

28. Welcome the other person home.

29. Look your best.

30. Wink at each other.

31. Celebrate birthdays in a big way.

32. Apologize.

33. Forgive.

34. Set up a romantic getaway.

35. Ask, "What can I do to make you happier?"

36. Be positive.

37. Be kind.

38. Be vulnerable.

39. Respond quickly to the other person's requests.

40. Talk about your love.

41. Remisnisce about your favorite times together.

42. Treat each other's friends and relatives with courtesy.

43. Send flowers every Valentine's Day and anniversary.

44. Admit when wrong.

45. Be sensitive to each other's sexual desires.

46. Pray for each other and pray together daily.

47. Watch sunsets together.

48. Say "I love you" frequently.

49. End the day with a hug.

50. Seek outside help when needed.

I love my Mom!

        It's raining today.  I hate getting my feet wet so after having lunch with my Ate Shelly, she let me stay at her place and wait until she gets off from work.  I made myself busy doing online things - important ones this time.  Aside from trying to figure out how her coffee machine works, I was also busy balancing our checking account and going through each transaction one by one.  Then my phone rang.  It's Mommy.

        I miss my mom. But I feel so bad when she misses me that sometimes when she calls, I tend to think...oh no, is she gonna cry again?  It's as if sometimes it's all my fault that I'm away.  Well, it is really my own doing! But yeah, I have a husband...a family and home to build...my own life story to continue, so I guess that's really how it is at this point in our lives.  If it's something that can't be helped, maybe we should really just take it one day at a time, accepting the situation as it is. For now.

        Sometimes, I'm too busy to text or call her.  I still take time everyday to say hi, with occasional misses though.  I used to call her every other day until she discovered this budget phone card that makes the deal cheaper if she's the one who makes the call.  Now I just wait for her to call, and when she does,  we talk for a long time. Sometimes, with the life here in America, I must admit I tend to think about too many other things while she talks to me --like the stuff on my TO DO list, and other thoughts that come flying about.  Everytime though, something tugs in my heart that says, "Hey, pay attention...That is your mom talking".  This is my mom going through every important detail happening in her life, so excited to share it all with me.  This is my mom walking me through all the colors, scents and textures of everything around her in an effort to let me experience these and catch up on everything despite the distance. 

        Today, she talked about the details of her 50th High School reunion. I was listening to her as I cross-checked each current transaction of my B of A checking account online.  Suffice it to say, I was fading in and out of the conversation. 

        And then she started singing. 

        Her voice sounded low and worn out, probably from practices for her reunion show, or maybe from  fatigue.  It melted my heart.  I completely stopped the other task I was doing and tuned in only on her.  My mom.  She's singing the songs they picked for their reunion program. 

         She was singing them all for me.

        After we hang up, I almost wanted to cry.  I wanted to play the phone conversation over and over in my head and hear her sing once more.  I wish I recorded it.  It sent  me a slow melting realization that from now on, I should cherish each moment with my mom. We have our share of disagreements and emotional episodes. But what mother-daughter relationship doesn't?  No matter what, I will bear in mind that each conversation, no matter how ordinary, is precious.  Each moment with her, priceless.  Moments can be played again, yes. But that is only through our memory...and almost always, it never tastes the same.  Good thing it's not too late yet for me. 

        I love my mom.  And she loves me.  I'll call her again tonight.

Phone Tag

Just funny. One time, my cuz-in-law in LA and I played phone tag all day.  She tried to reach me but I didn't hear my cellphone so I called back and she didn't hear hers, and so she called back. And I didn't hear it again.  This happens to me a lot.  I think I'm now branded as someone who doesn't pick up.  But at least I try to call back right away.  I think that makes a difference.  Well, uhrm uhrm, sometimes it takes time...but that's because I'm flighty.  I have one thousand and one thoughts happening all at the same time inside my head all the time I should tie each one to a string to keep track...But then, it will all be one humongous tangled-up web. LOL.  So, anyways, back to this phone thingy. (I hate it when I say thingy, I'm someone who wants to be more precise with my words...oh well, where was I again???) See.  Well, yesterday, I changed my ringing style after my sister complained about it, just when I was so totally clueless, really!  I changed it back to this freaking RRRRRING-RRRRRRRING with vibrate mode. The classic one.  But my phone only has this irritating high-pitched version.  So, there it is.  This morning, my phone rang.  And I didn't pick it up because I thought it was someone else's mobile ringing. (Actually, for a split second there I thought there was a new house phone installed at home and I was like...how did I not know about that???). Duh!!!  Maybe I should just wear my cellphone around my neck, or better yet, let it hang from one of my earrings...or strap it around my forehead or in between my eyes so I hear every freaking ring. Or maybe super-glue the phone to my palm so it will be some kind of mutant alien siamese twin that goes wherever I go, or washes whatever I wash (LOL)...Do I have to bring it everytime I need to go to the bathroom too? Or should I get a water-proof thingy (thingy, there it goes again...) to bring inside the shower or have a waterproof phone you can flip over to double as a loofa scrubber as well, so I can pick up a call anytime? (Okay now, if that gets invented, remember that I thought about that first!) Or how about a knife with a keypad so I can pick up a call as I slice off some fat from a slab of pork? Down, boy, down, boy, I'm getting too excited now.

How come in the past, when things were much simpler, this was never an issue? Tell me...