God's Special Surprise

"Gift of my Faith" - nah...something more catchy....hmmm

"Miracle of Life" -nah...maybe something more cool for this blog....

"I Must Have Done Something Good" - nah...still doesn't seem to sound so perfect for this...

            There has been some kind of tennis-match-spectator activity among my brain cells lately as I obsessed about what title to give this blog for the past days now and still, the perfect one for something as perfect as this eludes me. It is, as the cliche goes, beyond words.

            My husband Aldred and I have been yearning to have our own child for the past three years now.  But unlike most couples, we struggled through hurdles which were beyond our control such as immigration delays (which brought Aldred home to me only for small periods of time in between painfully long intervals...) and most of all, reproductive difficulties that seemed to lose the fight simply because we didn't have the luxury of time to be together long enough to keep trying. 

             My OB-Gyn once said, "you need to be together for a long time to catch that ELUSIVE ovulation time". TIME...we didn't have that much then.  And it wasn't like we're still spring chickens who could wait until forever. Deep inside, the thought of not having my own baby scared and bothered me the most.  It nagged me as relentlessly as that childhood fear of the bogeyman under the bed or inside the closet waiting to prey on you as soon as darkness sets in.  But unlike the bogeyman, this kind of fear had some forms of realistic scientific and medical backing that kept reminding me that with these limitations, it might be real, and hopeless as well.  That is why I was totally annoyed and upset at those people who frowned at the fact that Aldred has a daughter, born fourteen years ago out of wedlock. Yes, that could be considered unconventional for most people's standards and I agree to that.  But have they ever asked me what I thought of it? It was actually that time when I came closest to my dream of becoming a mom or being called Mommy at least, loving and being concerned in a committed way over someone, thinking at the back of my head, that I might not even have my own.  I told myself, the heck, this is already a blessing in itself!

             Nonetheless, Aldred and I kept trying.  He went through a lot too, (humbling moments included) and that's where I realized how much this tough, macho and virility-proud man loves me.  He was so patient, understanding and cooperative.  He taught me something important too. His prayer life was starkly simple yet it did a lot to tide me over when my own faith faltered.   Why?  Because he didn't have complicated thoughts.  He simply BELIEVED.  We kept praying together and calling for the intercession of saints together. During disappointments I would say, what if we will never have one?  He simply responds "God will give us a baby, I know it.  And come to think of it, the fun part is making them.  He is just giving us more time to enjoy making them".  Whew! Eventually, I sort of relaxed.  I decided to stop stressing over this yearning.  I just kept saying "God, it's all up to you. You know what will make us happy but thy will be done. I know you make all things beautiful, in your time."

             I joined my husband permanently here in California on the 4th of July this year (2006).  My OB-Gyn armed me with some pills that might help us set the right timing if we really can't wait long enough.  I never had the chance to take them.

             August 9, 2006.  I started throwing up.  I must have eaten too much, I thought.  I tried to make a toast for Aldred's breakfast and the smell of bread made me run back to the bedroom. Hmmmm...

            August 10, 2006.  We went out for Japanese.  I never say no to that.  But that night, I couldn't pick a single sushi from the menu.  Hmmm...

           August 11, 2006.  My sister-in-law Wena said, maybe you're pregnant.  Let's do a test! I did.  It came out positive.  And I told myself, no...that plus sign must have been a mistake.  We bought another test, with the double lines this time.  Two lines came out.  Hmmmm...

          August 17, 2006.  Aldred and I went to Kaiser Permanente.  They did an ultrasound.  This is the image that greeted us on the monitor.  And right in the middle of the tiny peanut-shaped being inside the sac was a small dot beating continuously.  A heartbeat...  A life! Oh my God, we're really having a baby!!  And I was like "Doc, is that really a baby in there?" and he said, "Mommy, see the heartbeat?"

                  The doctor confirmed that we conceived on my first week here.  Maybe July 8th. How truly wondrous and amazing God's plan can really be. I am now on the last week of my first trimester.  My nausea is almost gone (though I still run away from the scent of anything barbecued or garlicky), my super sonic smell is waning (there was a point that even Aldred's freshly showered-freshly-brushed-and mouthwash-doused smell made me sick...or I would realize some things had a smell I never knew before...I could give those drug-sniffin' airport dogs a run for their money!), my appetite is now creeping back (Oh, thank you Lord for that!!!), and my brain is no longer on strike (what a brainiac!!! it's even considered a milestone for me now because I can start putting words together again in this blog).  I'm still sleepy most of the time and I deal with headaches everyday.  But no matter what I suffered and is still willing to struggle through, I know these will never be enough as an offering of thanksgiving to God for sending us this special surprise.  Indeed, it is much sweeter that it came as a surprise.  Nothing was forced. Nothing was begged for.  Nothing was fake.  Nothing was from us except for lots of faith and lots of luv-lovin'...blessed with God's reward IN HIS OWN TIME. 

               God sprinkles mankind with His own miracles and surprises. I can't wait for each one of you to receive yours.  Meanwhile, please say a prayer of thanks for me.  Please join us too in believing that God will grant us a safe pregnancy and a healthy, happy and normal baby come March 31, 2007.  I don't think that would be too much to ask for now, right? *LOL*