Boo!

...it was just like any ordinary day for me...i woke up...i was alone in the house...i used the bathroom then flushed...cleaned up...wishy-wishy-washy (my hands, what were you imagining? haha)...the usual routine...nothing extra-ordinary...i was so hungry i went to the kitchen right away and fixed my brunch (nuked the leftovers, i mean)...i ate...went back to our room...after a few minutes, i went back to the bathroom (another call of nature...thanks to a pregnant woman's bladder)

...then...hooooooly...bathroom!!!  the toilet seat was up! i swear i didn't do that...and no one else was in the house...what da???

...2 days later, i put up a new clock in the bathroom...we had 2 available hooks on one side and i decided to hang it on the left hook because it angles the clock to the left...facing the seat (i like to time myself, y'know...coz if i read something in there, i might stay there forever :P)...1 day later, i found out it showed a different time...then another day later...it showed the CORRECT TIME...but it was on the right hook, facing the door...what da???

...i asked my hubby about the clock...he said...what do u mean?  what clock? why???...he was such a natural until he finally admitted he did it...and just didn't foresee that i would obssess about which hook he puts it back on...

...he also admitted to knocking from outside our bedroom window one dark morning when i thought he had already left and was already driving to work...which made me go under the sheets desperately waiting for the sun to shine...

ok...that was my hubby tricking wifey for halloween...

...but the case of the lifted toilet seat??? i was alone...and hello! i'm a girl...i sit on it, i don't stand and jingle, ergo, no need to lift it up...

...well, that remains a mystery...could be someone actually saying hi from beyond...(and he seems male to me...)

what's your spooky story?

             

                            

 

My First Trimester: The Twisted Side

        You've heard me rave about the joys of pregnancy.  Now is probably the chance for me to rant about what went behind the scenes during my first trimester. *LOL*  Don't get me wrong! I am in a state of bliss...no matter what.  But when one is really at the mercy of her hormones, by all means, dock! I just discovered a talent for doing a perfect portrayal of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.

        Once upon a time, there lived a pleasant and serene lady who carefully chose the words she uttered and smiled her way through storms.  Until one night...BAM!!! She, for a teeny weeny reason, got upset at her clueless hubby, hit and shook their Honda Accord with both hands, yelled and screamed and held the clueless man by his collar, deformed his shirt neckline and ripped his necklace apart.  Hubby could only freeze and whimper to this incredible hulk of a wifey, "Why? What did I do?"  (My Al truly deserves an award for putting up with this, y'know!)  Thank goodness that sinister incident happened only once and hopefully will never happen again (the missus has been exorcised, I guess!)  I can only look back to that moment and cringe at a horrid mental image of myself transforming into a monster with red eyes, green skin and wiry hair suddenly sprouting about. 

        The rest of the first three months of my nesting period  was fortunately more peaceful than that.  Ofcourse! What can you expect from a perpetually groggy and forever feeling sick person, helplessly trying to let the day pass locked inside the bedroom and hoping to bury the nausea under the comforters, to no avail. 

        First of all, I have unwillingly evolved into a sniffing german shepherd, with what Aldred christened as my supersonic smell.  Believe it or not, I could tell what the whole neighborhood's cooking, maybe five houses or more down the road! Now, that would have been pleasant and joyful for me as the aroma of food have always delighted me since my Gerber days.  But lo and behold, the smell of anything being cooked, especially sauteed garlic, was suddenly revolting to my senses. Picture this: 60 million pairs of nostrils all over your body while smelling a gazillion odor particles, one unit of which already makes you puke to no end.  Ergo, my formerly hearty appetite took an uninformed leave of absence.  I could not pick a single thing to eat!!! For three whole months, I was in tip-top shape qualified for a career in olympic vomiting.  I wouldn't be surprised if the toilet bowl suddenly decided to get its revenge on me. 

        Thank God, one day at a time, I discovered food that were less threatening to my stomach's spirits (thanks, too, to stabilizing hormones maybe).  I went into phases.  Imagine a whole week of McDonald's filet-o-fish every freaking night...then the McChicken phase (I should name my baby Donald, huh?)...then the mayonnaise phase (dollops of pure mayonnaise on my mouth would bring me to seventh heaven--- am I making you gag yet?)...then the clam chowder soup series.  One time, we had Japanese four days in a row! Recently it was the Kentucky Fried Chicken with a cupful of gravy (what's with all the fastfood, Clarisse?).  There was a time I dreamt of this delicious Letty's Pancit Tikyano twice.  Unfortunately, Aldred will never be able to get if for me and have it shipped from the Philippines at my every whim, unless he gets frustrated enough and decides to ship me back home instead --what a bummer! 

        I also craved for the hella pinoy "jologs" cafeteria style of pasta...DA FAMOUS SPAGHETTCHUP!!!  Oh that sweet anemic looking pale orange spaghetti cooked in yes, banana catsup and adorned with occasional thin coin slices of hotdogs.  I sooo miss that and love that to bits as much as I adore the authentic Italian aldente Spaghetti alla Puttanesca cooked to perfection with the right combination of olives, capers and anchovies.  Oh these gastronomic mood swings! I'm on the italian side of this pasta pendulum these days.  I just had a bowl of the real Italian treat, washed it down with a bottle of Pellegrino natural sparkling water, and got high at the fact that it tasted the way I expected it to, while at the same time prayed hard that I don't waste my lunch moolah by donating my semi-digested food to the immaculate bathroom of Bloomingdale's.

        Well, I'm slowly weaning away from food issues at this point and slowing picking on how I am beginning to look.  The other day, I asked Al "I'm starting to look real ugly, am I?" to which he replied "I never said that." Well, was that a good answer or what. Hahaha.  Last night, I stared at my new pictures on my laptop.  I think my already huge head is swelling even faster than my belly ever could.  My big eyes are popping out like a goldfish immitating Garfield when I'm sleepy, my forehead is slowly doing a version of the 40-60 grit sandpaper and my hair follicles have decided to germinate in places you will never think a girl can grow hair on.  To add pain to injury, my nose is doing an adaptation of a squished garden tomato - the one somebody stepped on (geez, I'm beginning to look like my hubby's ex-girlfriend!!! Is this karma or what? Ooops, sorry about that, for a minute there, I thought that was a bit funny to add...LOL).

        So far, that has been the dark side of the first third of my journey.  I'm the kind of person who has so much ideas and projects for my life, the type of person who wouldn't waste a day without doing something productive with my hands or with my mind. I love to draw, read, paint, cook, organize and clean stuff, write, dance, take photographs, do movie marathons, make creative digital layouts on my PC, and engage in new adventures everyday.  It seemed that time FROZE my life out for three whole months...being utterly unproductive at my darndest best.  But I must admit, life as a useless princess has its perks too, hahaha. Gone were the days when Aldred couldn't even keep up with my cleaning frenzy.  Welcome days when he would kiss me goodbye on the bed before leaving for work only to find me curled up in the exact same position when he comes back home. 

        My life froze indeed.  But for some reason, I am not at all sorry.  I don't regret not having accomplished something from my goal list --- my overdue DMV test, my teacher's credentials/certification in CA, my mom's souvenir program digital layout, a new job, and a lot lot more...For sure, I will find time for them next time.

       Right now, I am letting my life stop, in order to let this new life inside me begin.  This transition time for me is great! Instead of thinking about what I want for myself, I think about the baby and the future.  My books are replaced by pregnancy manuals.  My tv shows now include Discovery Health (where they show a lot of baby specials).  My wish shopping list underwent a major revamp, from Seven and Bebe jeans, shoes and bling-blings to baby stuff such as a car seat, a crib, and other baby gear. Instead of bringing up usual philosophical questions from geeksville, my mind is focused on only one...WILL I EVER BECOME A GOOD MOMMY? I have received some thumbs up compliments among parents in my preschool class as a teacher...but I only worked 8-5!  As a mom, practicing patience, unconditional tolerance, giving love and support 24/7 is a new and different challenge altogether.  I only want one answer.  I want to be good at it.

Oh Yeah, Huh!!!

        Writing my previous blog and reading it again the second time reminded me of something good I picked up early this year. 

        Christmas '05, I religiously attended all nine mornings of the Simbang Gabi starting on my birthday (the 16th) and culminating on Christmas Eve.  They said one can make a prayer wish and if you don't miss a day (with waking up before 4am just to make it to the early mass being part of the package---why is it so early anywayz???), your wish will come true. That was my first time to complete all nine. Good job, gurl!!!

        My wish, ofcourse, was for Al and I to have our own baby soon.

        I regularly stayed on one spot with my mom each morning. There was a bunch of familiar faces in the church who stayed in the same area as we did and we would call each other "classmate".  One guy there was Noel.  He is my cousin's friend and I was acquainted with him since gradeschool although we were never really close. 

        A few months after Christmas (early this year), I bumped into Noel at Starbucks.  He said "Hey, Clarisse, my prayer wish already came true!". To which I replied, "WELL, MINE DID NOT!".

        And you know what he said?  "Why, does it have to be now-NOW? In your own time table? Why...you actually gave God a deadline?"

        Oh yeah, huh! Now that I'm 12 weeks pregnant and showing a tiny bump, I realize how awfully wrong and clueless I was still about many things. Now I know better.

God's Special Surprise

"Gift of my Faith" - nah...something more catchy....hmmm

"Miracle of Life" -nah...maybe something more cool for this blog....

"I Must Have Done Something Good" - nah...still doesn't seem to sound so perfect for this...

            There has been some kind of tennis-match-spectator activity among my brain cells lately as I obsessed about what title to give this blog for the past days now and still, the perfect one for something as perfect as this eludes me. It is, as the cliche goes, beyond words.

            My husband Aldred and I have been yearning to have our own child for the past three years now.  But unlike most couples, we struggled through hurdles which were beyond our control such as immigration delays (which brought Aldred home to me only for small periods of time in between painfully long intervals...) and most of all, reproductive difficulties that seemed to lose the fight simply because we didn't have the luxury of time to be together long enough to keep trying. 

             My OB-Gyn once said, "you need to be together for a long time to catch that ELUSIVE ovulation time". TIME...we didn't have that much then.  And it wasn't like we're still spring chickens who could wait until forever. Deep inside, the thought of not having my own baby scared and bothered me the most.  It nagged me as relentlessly as that childhood fear of the bogeyman under the bed or inside the closet waiting to prey on you as soon as darkness sets in.  But unlike the bogeyman, this kind of fear had some forms of realistic scientific and medical backing that kept reminding me that with these limitations, it might be real, and hopeless as well.  That is why I was totally annoyed and upset at those people who frowned at the fact that Aldred has a daughter, born fourteen years ago out of wedlock. Yes, that could be considered unconventional for most people's standards and I agree to that.  But have they ever asked me what I thought of it? It was actually that time when I came closest to my dream of becoming a mom or being called Mommy at least, loving and being concerned in a committed way over someone, thinking at the back of my head, that I might not even have my own.  I told myself, the heck, this is already a blessing in itself!

             Nonetheless, Aldred and I kept trying.  He went through a lot too, (humbling moments included) and that's where I realized how much this tough, macho and virility-proud man loves me.  He was so patient, understanding and cooperative.  He taught me something important too. His prayer life was starkly simple yet it did a lot to tide me over when my own faith faltered.   Why?  Because he didn't have complicated thoughts.  He simply BELIEVED.  We kept praying together and calling for the intercession of saints together. During disappointments I would say, what if we will never have one?  He simply responds "God will give us a baby, I know it.  And come to think of it, the fun part is making them.  He is just giving us more time to enjoy making them".  Whew! Eventually, I sort of relaxed.  I decided to stop stressing over this yearning.  I just kept saying "God, it's all up to you. You know what will make us happy but thy will be done. I know you make all things beautiful, in your time."

             I joined my husband permanently here in California on the 4th of July this year (2006).  My OB-Gyn armed me with some pills that might help us set the right timing if we really can't wait long enough.  I never had the chance to take them.

             August 9, 2006.  I started throwing up.  I must have eaten too much, I thought.  I tried to make a toast for Aldred's breakfast and the smell of bread made me run back to the bedroom. Hmmmm...

            August 10, 2006.  We went out for Japanese.  I never say no to that.  But that night, I couldn't pick a single sushi from the menu.  Hmmm...

           August 11, 2006.  My sister-in-law Wena said, maybe you're pregnant.  Let's do a test! I did.  It came out positive.  And I told myself, no...that plus sign must have been a mistake.  We bought another test, with the double lines this time.  Two lines came out.  Hmmmm...

          August 17, 2006.  Aldred and I went to Kaiser Permanente.  They did an ultrasound.  This is the image that greeted us on the monitor.  And right in the middle of the tiny peanut-shaped being inside the sac was a small dot beating continuously.  A heartbeat...  A life! Oh my God, we're really having a baby!!  And I was like "Doc, is that really a baby in there?" and he said, "Mommy, see the heartbeat?"

                  The doctor confirmed that we conceived on my first week here.  Maybe July 8th. How truly wondrous and amazing God's plan can really be. I am now on the last week of my first trimester.  My nausea is almost gone (though I still run away from the scent of anything barbecued or garlicky), my super sonic smell is waning (there was a point that even Aldred's freshly showered-freshly-brushed-and mouthwash-doused smell made me sick...or I would realize some things had a smell I never knew before...I could give those drug-sniffin' airport dogs a run for their money!), my appetite is now creeping back (Oh, thank you Lord for that!!!), and my brain is no longer on strike (what a brainiac!!! it's even considered a milestone for me now because I can start putting words together again in this blog).  I'm still sleepy most of the time and I deal with headaches everyday.  But no matter what I suffered and is still willing to struggle through, I know these will never be enough as an offering of thanksgiving to God for sending us this special surprise.  Indeed, it is much sweeter that it came as a surprise.  Nothing was forced. Nothing was begged for.  Nothing was fake.  Nothing was from us except for lots of faith and lots of luv-lovin'...blessed with God's reward IN HIS OWN TIME. 

               God sprinkles mankind with His own miracles and surprises. I can't wait for each one of you to receive yours.  Meanwhile, please say a prayer of thanks for me.  Please join us too in believing that God will grant us a safe pregnancy and a healthy, happy and normal baby come March 31, 2007.  I don't think that would be too much to ask for now, right? *LOL*