Me time. Big time.

Why am I always called to do SuperHuman duties when in fact I do not possess any SuperPowers?

 

For the record, this is all making me SuperExhausted…

 

Burning out.  Big time.

 

I hope I get over this July hump.  Oh August, I hope that you’ll be kinder to me.  But this is what I always say don’t I?  Some months, I pass with flying colors, some months I barely make it through without dropping a ball.  Expertly like a camel through a needle’s eye. Whew!

 

Most months I can’t wait to hop on to the next. But the same thing happens again.  Over and over.  The cycle never ends.    

 

I really need to be selfish once in a while.

 

I really need some ME time. BIG TIME.

Birthday Letter to a Dear Friend

Dear Ali,

 

I guess this letter is sort of my long overdue response to your birthday message for me last December.  Time flies so fast and you know how things have a tendency to fall off the cracks in our busy lives.  I have always wanted to write back anyway.

 

I want to make this short because I know you’re busy too so…just three things:

 

1. Happy Birthday.  If you noticed, I posted “Paggunita – it’s that time of the year”.  Because it is, it’s your special day and it’s a Remembering Ali day for me, and all the good times we’ve shared and all the good things we’ve done together. Actually, pinauso ko lang yan today.  Haha, but rest assured in your future birthdays, I will also think and do things in your honor.  Nox, hehe.

 

2. But yes, you are right when you said in your message last December that you’ve already forgotten most of our memories together (details but not the essence).  That honesty is something I appreciate (because that means we’re really still friends) and it will not offend me because yes, I know and understand and totally get what you mean.  Because I have also forgotten!!!!!!!!!!!!! (snippets will come in and out once in a while, and it will make me smile, like the other day Aldred and I were driving around desperately looking for somewhere to eat and I almost blurted out “Tapa King” – that being a random slip from a random memory of my Philippine life and routine, and then subsequently remembering when you and I drove all around Manila to find dinner away from my house and we ended up in Tapa King again, which was only a few blocks down).  Anyway, I know that me admitting that I’ve also forgotten most of it is not a bad thing for you either.  Because, yes, though it all seems like a blurry old movie now, we both know that they were really good times, and great honest-to-goodness friendship and it’s a happy place in our hearts that will forever be a source of comfort for me (especially being so far away dealing with homesickness in general while being bombarded with so many new things to adjust to).  It’s like peace of mind with just the mere “thought” of it, if not the exact “memories”...

 

3. Through the years since we’ve lived separate lives, I still hold on to our friendship and to you being my bestfriend.  I mean, yes we have our own spouses now, but it’s just really nice and fun and sort of like icing on the cake to have you there and I feel blessed that you are there to tell my other troubles and secrets to.  My real worry sometimes (or fear, yes, I guess) is if there will come a time one day when we will not be able to have that kind of connection anymore (not communication…but the connection, if you know what I mean).  And I’m scared.  I don’t know how to describe that fear.  Just the fear of maybe losing the bestfriend I’ve always had in you (not losing you altogether because I know that you’ll always be there), you get the drift?  It’s that worry that one day when we talk it just wouldn’t be the same because we live two different lives, and with different joys, worries and struggles to deal with.  Like I’m afraid that since you have child and I don’t (at least biologically) that I won’t be able to relate to your concerns, and me not having one that you won’t be able to relate to my own concerns.  Or you being married to C* and me to A* (and they are different individuals with different personalities). Or me being here in the US and you living in the Philippines that we don’t have a common ground to touch (though in reality, with the stuff in #2 above being said, we actually do have a lot).  But I just hold on to what true friendship is really all about.  That it is being able to stay onboard with all (and despite all) the different lives, joys, triumphs, troubles, struggles and pains we have and being able to continue what “being so alike” started out for us in the first place. There is nothing else I am so “childlike-loyal” to as much as staying committed to this evolving friendship.  And to carry on through growing up and growing old, through the years of changing and evolving, and being better persons (or not).

 

That’s it, pancit!  While I am always very excited for our reunions with C*, R* and A* (and the good eats involved too, of course), how I wish I can also spend maybe a day with you alone like the old times…bold thing to say but you know us…just doing the stuff we both like or perhaps, even better just hanging out and talking and catching up (I miss those conversations – kind of comes scarce for me on my side of the world).  Or not saying anything at all. Well, maybe one day.  Maybe not.

 

Haberdee. 

 

<3 Clarisse