I wrote this email to my friend last February, but I'm publishing it anyway, as a tribute to my cousin Rae. Cheers to us beautiful and strong women of the clan...luv u, sistah!
Many years ago, I wasn’t really this outspoken. I would usually remain meek, unassuming and hopefully invisible. When trouble strikes, I would usually cry, draw heartrending things on my sketch pad, or write loooooong entries on my journal.
Today, I am quick to defend my rights. I am brave enough to speak up against injustice, confront and correct misconstrued ideas, and to assert my place in my relationships, and the rest of the world.
I don’t know how I evolved. Part of me feels that with my kind of spiritual footing, I should stay submissive and tolerant, at all times, at all costs. Yet, I know it’s not healthy for my psyche. It’s not healthy for my relationships. It’s not healthy for the community.
I found strength in my Masteral Studies in Pyschology in 1998. School was Biopsychology 101 in real life while my brain was the main specimen for dissection. The whole process is my multi-dimensional growth ---summarized. Vis-a-vis all the turmoil like my mom undergoing chemotherapy and her emotional rollercoaster that came with it, a fruitless and chilly relationship with a dense medical student, despicable treatment from a power-tripping boss plus other vile things that I have no more interest to recall. Then, the next wave which crushed me to pieces...scheming nosy old people who wanted to "shotgun" me and hubby OUT of our own forthcoming wedding (we felt like movie stars then though hahaha). Then, the next which I have already withstood without so much tears...a desperate ex who did crazy stuff that I almost brought to court and hubby's desperate ex who I have now simply reduced to a laughing stock. Ergo, I realized that I have come to love myself through the years. I understood my own needs and respected them. I have become my own knight ready for battle, while still respecting the dynamics of others’ mental faculties.
Your million-dollar question was…in times of adversity, should we be a bitch then or should we be a doormat?
I’m a firm believer of balance. There is such a thing as "diplomacy" (which happens to be one of my favorite words). It’s easy. It’s all a mind-word game out there. It’s the best thing in the world. And it works. Choose and study your cases carefully. I must say though, it won’t hurt to include “bitch” as one of your options. Maybe as a last resort when some stupid@ss people just don’t learn at all.
“Being nice is good, being meek is noble but to be a doormat, that’s unforgivable.”---from the Dancing Queen ---> ME!
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