-posted in Coffee, anyone?-
If you’re here for The Cinnamon Roll story, then you must love me! Or you want to hear what I say. Or maybe you’re just curious, or you’re one of those unfortunate lucky ones who stumbled upon my blogsite and landed flat on the face with a huge THUD! I didn’t mean to put a test on you by reserving the space and adding a teaser (why the big fuss? I don’t even know myself…) I was just really excited to share something good about it but things went pretty cuckoo kind of busy yesterday so I was unable to say anything (AAARRRRRGGGHHH!) plus, I’m the Queen of Procrastination anyway – though trying my darnest to step down my throne this year. I’ll start tomorrow *LOL*. (I hate using LOL but I can’t help it!)
So yes, I’m on high spirits today. I have been able to declutter my head of cobwebs, plaques and other things that deter progress. I think I did a good job doing that and I’m holding up well on this first week of the year! So please don’t come here raining on my parade!
Anyway, I bought myself a card last weekend. It’s been a while since I last bought myself one. I’m really not one of those cookie-cutter avid inspirational-slash-self-help-followers but why resist a quick pick-me-up when it’s right there in front of your face at the right time you need one? Actually, hubby needed some change at the car wash so he made me buy something at the carwash convenience store selling everything like gums, nausea-inducing canned car fresheners, tough beef jerky to little crystal figurines. So I bought it! Here it is:
It says, “Don’t let your hearts grow numb. Stay alert. It is your soul which matters.”
There are a lot of things that I have gone through, felt, experience and dealt with which somehow numbed my heart a bit. Like I wasn’t supposed to show I’m broken, so I never did and I probably never will. Like I’m supposed to keep my head above the water all the time in order to keep everyone around me sane, peaceful, happy and to keep things in order for the people I hold dearly all the time. So I toughened up in order to protect my heart. As if saying, I don't dwell on my pain so please don't make a big fuss over me either. I hate drama queens. I hate people who sweat the small stuff. But them or frigid and frozen ones like me? Take your pick. I’m usually the last to cry over spurts of crisis just to hold things together, and soldiering on until exhausted. Hence now, I still feel tired even when there is no reason to be tired. I’m wrapped in a protective shell that is labeled “Leave the drama at the door, or please leave me alone.” And it lingers, even sans the drama part.
I realized that as I crisped on the outside, I can’t let anything get in, or get out. In fact, except for this blogsite (or maybe BECAUSE of it), I don’t keep in personal touch with a lot of people for months and months.
Yesterday, my co-worker dropped by my cube to tell me about two sudden losses in her husband’s family. SUDDEN. It’s jolting and creepy.
This made me remember my Cinnamon Roll story. (Yeay! Seque to the Cinnamon Roll story)…
It happened many many years ago. I was on the last leg of my shopping trip when I spotted my uncle’s favorite cinnamon roll store at the opposite end of the mall. I thought of buying him a box since he just came back home from the hospital but I debated because I was exhausted, my feet were hurting, my head was throbbing and I was hesitant to go the extra mile. I told myself, “Next time…” and then as luck would have it the following morning, he died.
I still want to kick myself up to this very day, now 15 years later.
I’m not going to make this post any longer than it already is. Just try to do whatever you can for others especially the ones you love while you have the chance. We might not get that “next time”. You may be doing it for them (or you may actually be doing it for yourself!) In the end, it’s really the act that will matter. And it’s really not the intention to love, but the follow-through that counts.
I’m wearing cinnamon rolls around my neck this year.
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