Laugh Therapy

wow what was that. i was trying to write the title for this blog and had to pause...how do you spell therapy again? hahaha. funny. i seem to have lost my brain for a minute there. just thinking out loud...anyway...okay, it's friday tomorrow! it's officially my second week as a bona fide tax payer...LOL. and i'm getting my first paycheck too! woohoo!!! work has been really great! and challenging.  i'm still under training, and trying to digest all of the software ins and outs on the job (that, i must admit is a breeze...) the hard part is...trying to drink up all of these biochemistry con medical thingamajigs behind each health product our company carries. aaahhh customer support!  pretty modest and self-effacing.  i like it.  the best part is...it's not all service.  it's actually highly cerebral given the nature of our company.  let me refresh my memory...Acetyl-L-Carnitine is the acetyl ester of L-carnitine. It occurs naturally in animal products. Chemically, acetyl-L-carnitine is known as beta-acetoxy-gamma-N, N, N-trimethylaminobutyrate yada yada yada!!! that's good. i'm stimulating my intellect while happily expanding my tree...new skills, new environment, new peeps. hopefully new friends too?

here's some laugh therapy for yah all.  my co-worker sent it today. i don't usually put forwarded emails on my blog...but this one i really just had to share!!!

Ways to Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity.


1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.

2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.

3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, Ask If They Want Fries with that.

4. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label It "In."

5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks Once Everyone has gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.

6. In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write " For Smuggling
Diamonds"

7. Finish All Your sentences! with "In Accordance With The Prophecy."

8. Don't use any punctuation

9. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk.

10. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.

11. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is "To Go."

12. Sing Along At The Opera.

13. Go To A Poetry Recital And Ask Why The Poems Don't Rhyme?

14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area And Play tropical Sounds All Day.

15 Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You're Not In The Mood.

16. Have Your Co-workers Address You By Your Wrestling Name, Rock Bottom.

17. When The Money Comes Out of The ATM, Scream "I Won!, I Won!"

18. When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The Parking lot,
Yelling "Run For Your Lives, They're Loose!!"

19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner. "Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go."

20. And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity.......


Send This E-mail To Someone To Make Them Smile.
Its Called .... Therapy

hhhmmmmmm

"How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?"
- Leroy (Satchel) Paige (1906-1982)

Thank God for Junk...and Eyes!!!

...aside from being confused once in a while what time it was (dst started today and we had to adjust the clocks...and we didn't coordinate who was gonna do which and so we didn't know which clock was telling the truth at one point hahaha!!!)...our day went well. t'was a typical lazy sunday. hub & i went to church, grabbed some breakfast at the diner on webster st. and went on a shopping rampage combing through antique stores and garage sales...this addiction has been going on for a while (talk about being "junkies" in the real sense of the word!)...i got hooked after my first three-drawer wicker stand from craigslist... hahaha...twenty-bucks!  we don't usually buy anything randomly (no, we ain't that cheap, okay), but it gives us a different "high" going through the really good pieces that, shall i say, have silent stories tucked inside them, especially those quaint furniture and woodwork...yummm! we came home with one wicker hope chest (to match my three-drawer wicker set heehee), two books by ernest hemingway, a dollar each (yippy for me!)...a coffeetable book on wines, and an old green glass goblet vase that was screaming "bathroom!" at me...i almost bought the very charming owner's dog that was lounging beside a 750-800 dollar upright stove circa 1917 ("sorry, he's not for sale, but we have a cat you can take home for free")...ooops, no thanks...t'was a fun day...i'm so thankful for that.

...another thing to thank for today...while hub & i were at Tilly's diner, there was this old lady on the table next to us who ordered a lot of food! and i was like...huh? yikes! then i saw her sloppily shaking salt and pepper on her plate and eating bacon and sausage with her hands...feeling the egg and the hashbrown with her hand before poking them with the fork.  then i realized she was blind...i just thought, wow, i can't eat like that. half of the fun is actually seeing the crispy bacon oozing with grease before you pop it into your mouth...and the crunchy browned hashbrown (that's why it's called hashBROWN, silly)...and the steam going up from your cup of coffee...i can't imagine eating without seeing!!! i closed my eyes and experimented. man, it's hard! but well, they say some other senses are heightened when one isn't working.  maybe this old lady can taste it even better! nevertheless, i still won't trade my vision for added taste. i'm already born with msg on my tongue anywayz... so there, i just feel like thanking God for my eyes that see.  there are so many things that are just impossible to appreciate without seeing. let's not take it for granted! like today, i woke up smiling because i saw that hub's eyelashes are curled up again (from pressing too much with the  pillow, it's dunnit again haha)...he looked so gay, and funny...and how about reading, and driving, and blogging, and sketching and watching the sunset? 

...well, thank you, God, for good vision (...and the bacon...and eggs...and hashbrowns...and sausages...and the biscuits and gravy) and yard sales and antique shops...

Downtown

I've been too bored lately. Hecka bored. So I went to the city yesterday. There are so many things I like about going downtown so much.  It keeps me sane.  It's the citygirl in me.  I dress up and go around, window-shopping, people-watching.  There was a phase when going to the city made me feel like a tourist.  The smell of the streets, the aroma of coffee hovering around the little coffee shops, the backdoor kitchen smells of restaurants, the diversity of the people, the hustle and bustle...they have always reminded me of how my senses felt like more than ten years ago when I visited San Francisco for the very first time as a tourist.  Now, I still run after that sensation and headrush sometimes but I don't know if it's a good thing or not, I'm beginning to feel more and more like a local each passing day. I don't take as much pictures anymore. And I ain't lost no more.  I know where my feet will take me.  It's not bad I guess, I still get little surprises here and there anyways.  Beautiful!  Exactly how I like it.

Downtown SF is an escape for me.  I find time for myself, walking by the places I love, enjoying my solitude.  It keeps me together.  I visit my favorite bookstore and linger there for as long as I want. Yesterday, I had Teriyaki Salmon on a bed of garlic mashed potatoes for lunch. The city makes me not think about some hurts, pains and worries. Yesterday, my head was bursting to its seams with thoughts that make one uneasy. There's this job I want so bad and waiting for their callback on my application is an agony. I want to have a job now.  I'm aching to fulfill another purpose soon.  And before boredom begins to claim me as his bestfriend.  And yes, I still think about the baby I lost...it's like a weird skin rash that you hide underneath a shirt, you forget about it until another itch episode catches you offguard.    Then, my small Brady Bunch family is about to embark in a different stage, with my two sisters getting married soon. I'm worried about my parents. And who will be there for them.  I'm so far away.  And they're getting old and sickly.  Just recently, something health-threatening is hanging like a dagger above our heads again. Here it goes again.  I wish I can shut off my thoughts, and feelings. 

That's why downtown SF keeps me sane.  I am able to go away for a while. It's my small means of escape....Until my mom texted me yesterday to ask if she can call.  I made her call my celphone.  I was on the couch in front of Bloomingdale's.  I wanted to talk to her. No, I wanted her to talk to me! She needed that.  I miss her and I love her, and I wish I can be there for her everytime she needs me. Just like how it was before.  No, she's not imposing that I come back.  She's in fact trying her best to pull through without me, or anyone, in her bravest self, knowing that this is how life is...accepting the reality that I have my own life to pursue now and it happens to be thousands of miles away. That rips my heart apart.  I feel so sorry for my mom, and my dad. They did all their best to take care of me. And now, I can't be there for them. But maybe that's how life is.  I don't know! I wish I knew the answers.  My hubby is here. And I like my life here too. And we're starting our own family. Oh I feel that my heart is at two places at one time, or maybe even three.

That's why I use downtown SF to squash these unpleasant feelings down.  Until my mom's call.  I realized you can't really escape from anything.  You can't escape life, because you are life itself. 

PS. Aldred knew I was sad.  He picked me up from the mall after he got off from work, we had a huge garlic crabs and mussels dinner at Stinking Rose.  We downed a pitcher of beer (almost), walked around, we snooped around the condo landslide spot downtown-- scary!  We ran across the busy streets (but not beyond the police tapes), laughed, panted and coughed, and laughed, panted and coughed.  I still love the city. And Aldred.  They keep me sane.

Blog #95 (Woohoo!!!)

I'm not feeling righteous or goodie-goodie or anything...I usually blog to inspire people.  But, I usually blog to inspire myself. Usually, I need something to remind me of the right things...or usually, just a kick in the butt hahaha...like today.

"Clarisms"

i woke up sometime before the break of dawn, it was still dark. i opened my eyes, light-headed.  where am i? ... maybe if i forced myself to sleep again i would know...where am i? it felt like i was trapped in between realms...the subconcious and the conscious, the past and the present, i didn't know where my head was, and my logic was also still trying hard to swim beyond the sea of this mystery to ascertain anything for me. it's like overlapping worlds...perhaps it's the three decades of past behind me, moving from one place to another after a considerably long time. each one having a special place in my heart...where am i? i tried to look up, i saw the roof above me, bathed in faint light, then i gazed to the wall on my left, also illuminated by the same soothing glow, coming from a tiny grain that seemed so grand in the dark.  ahh, this is my old room when i was a child, the old house i grew up in. i can almost smell it.  i was just waiting for the whiff from the burning gas lamp that the maids would sometimes prepare for us when the weather's bad, or when the light is out around town. it should be sitting on the antique porcelain sink standing proudly in one corner of the room... there is no sink.  no drapes to a dressing room behind it either, but a door in it's place...a bathroom? there is no scent of a lamp burning either. i smelled Downy. am i in our vacation house in Lipa? but i remember that it's pitch black when you wake up in the middle of the night there, and the pregnant silence is always deafening.  so, it's not quite like it.  i shifted my gaze to the right, there is a hint of light streaming into the window. must be from the light post illuminating the alley between the house and the hospital (which, zoning-wise isn't really supposed to be there). i don't see the white curtains that ran the whole length of the wall, instead there are seemingly hypnotic repetitive vertical lines like teeth in a tiny rectangular box...aaah blinds! no big windows i can throw a huge couch from. i'm under the sheets, but this doesn't feel like my grandmother's heirloom sheets, cool, crisp, and properly starched, aged but comforting with her initials intricately embroidered on each. i closed my eyes again and tried hard to wake up properly.  some parts of my mind were still floating elsewhere in dreamland and it was a struggle collecting each...where was the light coming from? am i going to heaven soon? am i astral-travelling? why is it pulsating? i opened my eyes and slowly figured out that it was coming from this tiny blue dot on the dial of the ionic breeze in the room that says "boost", the green one coming from the digital display of the standby portable heater that says 65 for the moment. then like a strong shake from nowhere jolting me from this circadian rhythm malfunction (i still prefer to call it "short-circuit"), someone wailed a deafening rap song on the morning radio program...someone beside me stirred.  it's aldred.  and he hit snooze on the clock radio. silence... so, this is where i am. it's not lola's old sheets wrapping me for warmth, but some new and really soft 600-thread count egyptian cotton sheets that don't have as much colorful stories to tell yet and yes, the arms of a man i am beginning to weave a story with in this lifetime...wait, why was i so disoriented? is it the flu? the tylenol pm? does that happen to most people who move to a different place? or maybe i'm just beginning to miss home.  the old one, the "other" home.  maybe.

My Starfish

Have you ever heard of The Starfish Story? It's one of my favorites. Just thought I'd share this one today. One of my friends wrote to my Friendster inbox. She thanked me for the blog I wrote a few days back (check out "1000 Places to See Before You Die"). She said it offered her some answers to a few existential questions she had been mulling over for a while. She said it defined some things she was failing to see. That made my heart sing! That blog was about PURPOSE.  And with the message she sent, I felt that somehow I also fulfilled my own purpose. You see, I blog for a reason. And she's my starfish story. (Thanks, "G")

The Starfish Story

adapted from The Star Thrower by Loren Eiseley
1907 - 1977

Once upon a time, there was a wise man who used to go to the ocean to do his writing. He had a habit of walking on the beach before he began his work.

One day, as he was walking along the shore, he looked down the beach and saw a human figure moving like a dancer. He smiled to himself at the thought of someone who would dance to the day, and so, he walked faster to catch up.

As he got closer, he noticed that the figure was that of a young man, and that what he was doing was not dancing at all. The young man was reaching down to the shore, picking up small objects, and throwing them into the ocean.

He came closer still and called out "Good morning! May I ask what it is that you are doing?"

The young man paused, looked up, and replied "Throwing starfish into the ocean."

"I must ask, then, why are you throwing starfish into the ocean?" asked the somewhat startled wise man.

To this, the young man replied, "The sun is up and the tide is going out. If I don't throw them in, they'll die."

Upon hearing this, the wise man commented, "But, young man, do you not realize that there are miles and miles of beach and there are starfish all along every mile? You can't possibly make a difference!"

At this, the young man bent down, picked up yet another starfish, and threw it into the ocean. As it met the water, he said, "It made a difference for that one."

This story has appeared all over the web in various forms, usually with no credit given to Mr. Eiseley. Sometimes it is a little girl throwing the starfish into the ocean, sometimes a young man, once even an elderly Indian. In any form it is a beautiful story and one that makes you think. Loren Eiseley was a anthropologist who wrote extensively. He was the 'wise man' in the story, and he was walking along a beach after a storm and encountered the fellow throwing the starfish back.

Thanks to http://muttcats.com/starfish.htm

Dancing Queen

Going home last night, hubby played this really great hiphop song in the car and I started dancing in my head. Yes! Dancing in my head. I do that a lot. Can't help it.  I hear dance music and I close my eyes and see myself dancing.  Which of course gives me this crazy little delusion that I'm J-Lo's long lost twin. I mean, well, I do dance. I know how and I have a good sense of rhythm. I can pretty much do a variety of steps and can catch up pretty fast.  I've performed a lot too. I even have this necklace that says "Dancing Queen" (aaah sweet!!!)...Dancing is my happiness. It gives more life to my life! But... this dancing in my head thing? Okay, I can do pirouettes and splits and those back-breaking back bends --IN MY HEAD.  I've got this illusion of me frozen from the past (and one thousand or so pounds ago) when I could still do them. Until I saw myself in the mirror doing the actual thing.  REALITY BITES. Darn. First of all, why did that remind me of Sesame Street's Big Bird dancing to "Sunny Day" - remember that theme song? I like to make fun of myself, but this one is...well, uhm, kind of truthful, y'know! (No wonder hubby sometimes hums the song "Watch it wiggle" from this Jello commercial.) Secondly, I realize I need more floor space for those twirls, space kicks and turns now, so I don't bump into or knock down walls (size and motion...you do the math!). I knew it, I should have taken it seriously when the doctor said that I have my pregnancy weight...without the baby. *SIGH*  I still refuse to let go of the Dancing Queen throne.  And I know dancing in my head won't burn any calories either. It's really time to hit the gymn...(*SIGH* again)

1000 Places to See Before You Die

         Before our Valentine's Dinner, my husband took me to Costplus World Market to kill some time.  He bought me some dark chocolate-coated macadamias and I saw this book as we were checking out, "1000 Places to See Before You Die".  Not that it sent my world careening wildly off its axis, but it did send random thoughts zinging and dinging in and out of my head (I could almost see them swoosh like bullets through the left hemisphere to the right and vice versa, hahaha).

        What is life all about?  Is it living to see how many places one can see in a lifetime? Is it about how much food we can taste?  What are we in this world for? What's the main point, really?  Is it to get married, have kids, send them to college, get old, get sick and then say goodbye? Is it striving hard to build the best looking house ever? Or is it about how many friends one can collect? Or how many cars we can squeeze in our garage? Is it how successful we can become in business or in the workforce? Or how much money we will have in the bank? Or is it how far we can travel or how far we can go? How about those people who seem at peace with having the same thing over and over in the course of their lives, living in the same place forever. Same ol' same ol'.  Are they failures then? What if they are happy anyway?

        I know that life is a gift from God.  He gave us life so that we may experience different things and grow in His love.  But philosophically, how do you confront these questions?

        A million more bore through my head like a rainfall of laserbeams. Usually, it's hard for me to stop the giant snowball of thought from rolling once it gets started.  I tend to stare in space and words would continue to boil inside me.  But I had to stop them.  This was Valentine's night and I had my husband and a great meal to focus on. And must I add, A LOVE TO CELEBRATE.

        Then bingo! I realized it's really time to stop thinking.  My life itself holds the cheat sheet of answers.  I have a funny and caring husband standing in line with me by the cashier of Costplus. We just exchanged Valentine presents at home before going out to dinner.  So...what am I here for? I am a wife above all else! And I am a daughter, I am a mom (to my stepdaughter), and hopefully a future mom to my own kids in the next years to come.  I am a friend, I am a cousin, I am a sister.  Right now, my main priority is to build this relationship, home and family with my loving husband in the most beautiful way we can.  It is different from what used to be my main reason for living --going through college, passing exams, getting that first job.  In the next coming years, things may be different once again.  So forgive me for the cliche, but life really isn't the destination.  It is the journey.  We wake up each day to fulfill what is needed of us or what we want for ourselves each day. For one, it may be traveling the world and seeing a thousand places, visiting more art museums, or taking care of a flock of grandchildren.  For me, I would like to have and raise more kids (go Clarisse, launch wonderful lives into this awesome world!), be there for my parents in their old age (allow me to cross that bridge when I get there), hold my own art exhibit, write my own book, travel with my husband to Hawaii, Paris, Ireland, Spain...and most of all, have a squeaky clean home full of warmth, love and laughter. It surprises me, but I even find fulfillment in each muffin I bake, each tile I scrub, and every basketful of laundry that I fold.  Everything is tailor-made for each one. 

        So yes, as long as we're in pursuit of our own love and happiness and we wake up one day living it until the next goal we set, while making others and the world around us happy as well (or maybe even helping them out to achieve their own thing too!), life is "happening". It is all good.  It is about how happy we can become, given our own personal standards...and most of all, how much love we can give.

         Material things are okay, but remember, the heart is our only purse that we can take with us to heaven.  What do u want to put into that purse?

50 Promises for Marriage

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY, PEEPS!

This blog is dedicated to four special people in my family who are getting "hitched" soon...

My sis Lissa to Roy (2007), my cousin Carlo to Cathy (2007), my cousin Gina to Philip (2008) and my sister Trina to RJ (2008).  This list was given to me a long time ago. Kinda works!  Let me pass it on...

50 PROMISES FOR MARRIAGE

1. Start each day with a kiss.

2. Wear your wedding ring at all times.

3. Date once a week.

4. Accept differences.

5. Be polite.

6. Be gentle.

7. Give gifts.

8. Smile often.

9. Touch.

10. Talk about dreams.

11. Select a song that can be "our song".

12. Give back rubs.

13. Laugh together.

14. Send a card for no reason.

15. Do what the other person wants before he or she asks.

16. Listen.

17. Encourage.

18. Do it his or her way.

19. Know his or her needs.

20. Fix the other person's breakfast.

21. Compliment twice a day.

22.  Call during the day.

23. Slow down.

24. Hold hands.

25. Cuddle.

26. Ask for each other's opinion.

27. Show respect.

28. Welcome the other person home.

29. Look your best.

30. Wink at each other.

31. Celebrate birthdays in a big way.

32. Apologize.

33. Forgive.

34. Set up a romantic getaway.

35. Ask, "What can I do to make you happier?"

36. Be positive.

37. Be kind.

38. Be vulnerable.

39. Respond quickly to the other person's requests.

40. Talk about your love.

41. Remisnisce about your favorite times together.

42. Treat each other's friends and relatives with courtesy.

43. Send flowers every Valentine's Day and anniversary.

44. Admit when wrong.

45. Be sensitive to each other's sexual desires.

46. Pray for each other and pray together daily.

47. Watch sunsets together.

48. Say "I love you" frequently.

49. End the day with a hug.

50. Seek outside help when needed.

I love my Mom!

        It's raining today.  I hate getting my feet wet so after having lunch with my Ate Shelly, she let me stay at her place and wait until she gets off from work.  I made myself busy doing online things - important ones this time.  Aside from trying to figure out how her coffee machine works, I was also busy balancing our checking account and going through each transaction one by one.  Then my phone rang.  It's Mommy.

        I miss my mom. But I feel so bad when she misses me that sometimes when she calls, I tend to think...oh no, is she gonna cry again?  It's as if sometimes it's all my fault that I'm away.  Well, it is really my own doing! But yeah, I have a husband...a family and home to build...my own life story to continue, so I guess that's really how it is at this point in our lives.  If it's something that can't be helped, maybe we should really just take it one day at a time, accepting the situation as it is. For now.

        Sometimes, I'm too busy to text or call her.  I still take time everyday to say hi, with occasional misses though.  I used to call her every other day until she discovered this budget phone card that makes the deal cheaper if she's the one who makes the call.  Now I just wait for her to call, and when she does,  we talk for a long time. Sometimes, with the life here in America, I must admit I tend to think about too many other things while she talks to me --like the stuff on my TO DO list, and other thoughts that come flying about.  Everytime though, something tugs in my heart that says, "Hey, pay attention...That is your mom talking".  This is my mom going through every important detail happening in her life, so excited to share it all with me.  This is my mom walking me through all the colors, scents and textures of everything around her in an effort to let me experience these and catch up on everything despite the distance. 

        Today, she talked about the details of her 50th High School reunion. I was listening to her as I cross-checked each current transaction of my B of A checking account online.  Suffice it to say, I was fading in and out of the conversation. 

        And then she started singing. 

        Her voice sounded low and worn out, probably from practices for her reunion show, or maybe from  fatigue.  It melted my heart.  I completely stopped the other task I was doing and tuned in only on her.  My mom.  She's singing the songs they picked for their reunion program. 

         She was singing them all for me.

        After we hang up, I almost wanted to cry.  I wanted to play the phone conversation over and over in my head and hear her sing once more.  I wish I recorded it.  It sent  me a slow melting realization that from now on, I should cherish each moment with my mom. We have our share of disagreements and emotional episodes. But what mother-daughter relationship doesn't?  No matter what, I will bear in mind that each conversation, no matter how ordinary, is precious.  Each moment with her, priceless.  Moments can be played again, yes. But that is only through our memory...and almost always, it never tastes the same.  Good thing it's not too late yet for me. 

        I love my mom.  And she loves me.  I'll call her again tonight.

Phone Tag

Just funny. One time, my cuz-in-law in LA and I played phone tag all day.  She tried to reach me but I didn't hear my cellphone so I called back and she didn't hear hers, and so she called back. And I didn't hear it again.  This happens to me a lot.  I think I'm now branded as someone who doesn't pick up.  But at least I try to call back right away.  I think that makes a difference.  Well, uhrm uhrm, sometimes it takes time...but that's because I'm flighty.  I have one thousand and one thoughts happening all at the same time inside my head all the time I should tie each one to a string to keep track...But then, it will all be one humongous tangled-up web. LOL.  So, anyways, back to this phone thingy. (I hate it when I say thingy, I'm someone who wants to be more precise with my words...oh well, where was I again???) See.  Well, yesterday, I changed my ringing style after my sister complained about it, just when I was so totally clueless, really!  I changed it back to this freaking RRRRRING-RRRRRRRING with vibrate mode. The classic one.  But my phone only has this irritating high-pitched version.  So, there it is.  This morning, my phone rang.  And I didn't pick it up because I thought it was someone else's mobile ringing. (Actually, for a split second there I thought there was a new house phone installed at home and I was like...how did I not know about that???). Duh!!!  Maybe I should just wear my cellphone around my neck, or better yet, let it hang from one of my earrings...or strap it around my forehead or in between my eyes so I hear every freaking ring. Or maybe super-glue the phone to my palm so it will be some kind of mutant alien siamese twin that goes wherever I go, or washes whatever I wash (LOL)...Do I have to bring it everytime I need to go to the bathroom too? Or should I get a water-proof thingy (thingy, there it goes again...) to bring inside the shower or have a waterproof phone you can flip over to double as a loofa scrubber as well, so I can pick up a call anytime? (Okay now, if that gets invented, remember that I thought about that first!) Or how about a knife with a keypad so I can pick up a call as I slice off some fat from a slab of pork? Down, boy, down, boy, I'm getting too excited now.

How come in the past, when things were much simpler, this was never an issue? Tell me...

"Blessed"

        My gums were hurting for a few days two weeks ago and so that led me to meeting my american dentist for the first time in a clinic that honors my husband's insurance at downtown SF.  I like the thrill of going through things for the first time in a different place, especially meeting new people and assessing their potential to stay in my "network", uhm, suffice it to say, "life" (not that I do that a lot or by habit, but the thought does pop up in my head once in a while).  It is fun starting out in a different country, looking different amongst a sea of blue-eyed blondes --well, I realize that I am easily lost in an ocean of black-haired browns as well, and seeing what people and strangers can be up to at first meetings. I enjoy my anonymity here (it's not that I'm famous back home either! no, not at all...but surely, I can walk miles and miles around here without bumping into someone who knows my name or at least the highschool I went to...get the drift?)

        Until I met my dentist's asssitant.  She's a full-blooded Pinay, like moi! And it's such a big coincidence that she went to the same highschool I went to, and after dropping a few names here and there (we always tend to do that huh!), we finally unearthed some kind of jurassic connection...even if I must admit that the people I mentioned she probably just heard of, and vice versa. I am relieved and happy to have a kababayan around, and at the same time a little bit cautious like all of us tend to be at first meetings (or is it just me?).  Well, what's the worst that can happen anyway? Maybe the whole Philippine population will know that a simple woman named Clarisse has some degree of tooth decay somewhere, or that I don't know how to brush my teeth properly, or that I'm hecka scared of the drill following a traumatic "sensitive"-in-the-real-sense-of-the-word experience from a bleaching incident in my past-- but, who isn't?  So that isn't bad at all, ain't it? Anyways, where was I? What I sort of wanted to avoid happened. She started telling the other dental assistant/secretary about me, my family heritage and alleged abundant resources which is totally hyped to begin with, my educational background ("She went to De La Salle which is like Stanford here!!!"). YAKKK OH HELLO…REALLY!? I was so embarassed and felt myself blushing while she continued to babble about me. I remember saying quite a bazillion times, "I'm not rich, just blessed."  I kept saying it..."I'm just blessed...I’m not rich but yes, I do have the most wonderful and most beautiful set of parents and a simple family who always chose to be on the good and moral side of things...still hey, my life isn’t perfect. But yes, I'm blessed."  But when her co-worker found out that I am the niece of a cardinal (yeah right, like that is a personal achievement I had to work my arse for!), I started saying I was in Rome and that I saw the Pope several times -- though he most likely never even saw me even if I had the biggest face in the crowd! (I kind of started enjoying it too, you know--I'm only human, yahaha! Plus I secretly wished all these would win me some kind of passport to a painless ride on the dental chair). But, yeah, I'd rather be fussed about with something I achieved by myself than with something I'm just born into.

        But what's my whole point this time? It was when I saw the co-worker's eyes widen in amazement and say  "I come from a very Catholic family and my mom is 90 and her lifelong dream is to see the Pope". No, wait a minute, that's just bacon on my salad. It was when she said "I learned a lot from you today.  You never said the word LUCKY.  You just kept saying YOU ARE BLESSED. Maybe I should do the same thing." She even told the Filipina assistant, "Maybe that's what we should focus on, instead of complain about so many things, or instead of saying we're just lucky when we hit good. After all, God is the source of it all. We should give Him the credit like what this young lady keeps on doing".

        Yes, we are all blessed! Life naturally has it's ups and downs.  But there's never a single day that we aren't blessed with something. Each single breath of life...or even the day we wake up into is a blessing in itself.  Let's keep that in mind. Let's celebrate our blessings! I'm glad I was able to touch someone with how I view my own life. And I hope that she passes it on to a lot of people she meets, inside the clinic and out.  I left the dentist’s with my tooth still hurting from the treatment, but my spirit was soaring.

Happy Fiesta!!!

Here's an article I wrote and was published in the souvenir program of the Batangas City Sto. Nino Association in Northern California:

                  Memoirs of a Batanguena: The Town Fiesta

        The city and its townsfolk might have changed dramatically over the years, but the festive atmosphere surrounding January 16th of each year in honor of the patron saint, the Sto. Nino, carries on. It is a week-long celebration in Batangas City consisting of festivities initiated by the church and the city mayor’s office. Take my hand, I’m going to walk you through an authentic town fiesta experience, the memoirs of which I have chronicled for three decades in my heart while growing up in Batangas City…

        You feel the remaining traces of the cool breeze from the holiday season on your face, as you look up from the street to see buntings and streamers being set up from one light post to another. The traveling amusement has made its way to the sports complex we grew up calling stadium (pronounced in our tongue as “is-tad-yoom”) and you hear the faint sound of the current dance hit squeaking from the loudspeaker at the people’s quadrangle behind the municipal building each night. We attend the 9-day novena each afternoon at the church. You know the fiesta is just around the corner.

        I remember enjoying the trips we used to make to the “perya” at the stadium. It is your typical country amusement fair where you find games such as the bingo (using corn kernels as markers), the spin-a-win, and stalls where you throw loops to win prizes like cups, plates, and stuffed animals. There’s the “beto-beto”, a game where you place a token under one of three upturned cups and a man moves these around briskly for you to track and guess which cup it is with the token underneath. It’s a rather tricky game that leaves you cross-eyed and wondering if anyone ever wins it at all. As you move around to ride the Octopus, the Ferris wheel, and the rollercoaster (all so minute and squeaky compared to Disneyland rides), your nose catches a whiff of popcorn from carts lit by makeshift gas lamps, cotton candy and barbecue being fanned by the vendors.

        You get tired shuttling from one activity to another but you still get excited as a new one is introduced each year. You want to stand on the bridge or by the river bank of the Kalumpang under the scorching sun to watch as they bring the Sto. Nino on a fluvial parade on the water. You hear pigs and goats being slaughtered in the backyards as men begin to cook the famous caldereta while downing bottles of gin and beer. You lose sleep watching the Binibining Lungsod ng Batangas (Miss Batangas) Beauty Pageant at the People’s Quadrangle to see who it is among the girls you know around town has suddenly bloomed to be beauty queen material.

        And on the day of the fiesta itself, you are roused from your sleep by the sound of drums and xylophones from the marching band parading around the city. That is, if you aren’t required to wake up early to join the parade with the majorettes or your co-workers to represent the establishment you work for. It is a long parade participated by all sectors of society. Some participants are dressed in native garb (baro’t saya), marching, or doing the local subli dance with bamboo castanets on their hands. The winners of the pageant don beautiful gowns and sit on floats adorned with flowers and crepe paper. It is no Rose Bowl parade, but beautiful, unique and rich with substance indeed. We also see the ati-atihan, children wearing loin cloths, sacks and straws, their skin blackened all over with charcoal, as they chant their way down the street to a very primal beat that makes you bob your head to the rhythm as beads of sweat trickle down your forehead in the sweltering mid-day heat.

       Family, relatives and friends settled or working in Metro Manila and other cities manage to find their way back home amidst the heavy traffic. But the best part of it all? The fiesta food! Everyone has an open house around the city. You are invited to your friends’ homes, still decked with Christmas cheer, as they are to yours. I remember moving from one house to another eating everyone’s own version of the afritada, caldreta, menudo, puto and dinuguan (pork blood), kilawing taghilaw, embutido (meatloaf), macaroni or potato salad, fruit salad, biko (rice cake) and leche flan. It is a city-wide food trip that everyone from all walks of life is welcome to partake. And no one minds growing a dress size bigger from the feasting and all.

        The fiesta culminates with a mass and a procession of the Sto. Nino from the Immaculate Conception Church. My dad is lucky to be one of the so-called Guardians of the Sto. Nino, a group of men in charge of taking care of the image and following the float in the procession. In my own way, I am lucky too. I grew up as a full-blooded Batanguena witnessing it all. The beautiful culture, the creativity, warmth and hospitality of the people, the devotion and spirituality, the tradition…everything that makes our people proud is brought out altogether by the town fiesta. The memories are etched in my heart forever.

        One day, I will come back home to experience it all over again.  Be with me.

In Memoriam

It's true what they say...Grief comes in waves...I fell asleep last night, thinking about you, my baby boy...remembering your first kicks inside my tummy and your very cute sonogram image when we found out you were a boy.  So I'm posting this poem from your memorial service prayer card.  Just a little thing I can do to make mommy feel better:

In Loving Memory

Cody Francis

November 18, 2006

 

Escorted in such splendor

   If you could only see

The beauty and the majesty

   As angels carried me.

Far beyond the life I knew

   Secure in their embrace

My journey was a prelude

   To the glory of this place.

Welcomed by rejoicing

   No tears are ever found.

God Himself wipes them away

   And angel's songs abound.

Eternal gates were opened

   Peace met me there inside

I rejoice now with the angels

   In Heaven I abide.

TGIF

Thank God It's....Friendster!!!   LOL

        It's 1:00 am, I just finished looking at my friends' profiles (with a snoring symphony in the background...Aldred in Wonderland!).  I spent, or rather, wasted about 2 hours online just lurking around in Friendster when I'm supposed to be surfing for a job.

        Friendster.  Sometimes I tend to think...what's up with the world these days? People write instead of make phone calls.  We visit profiles instead of personally checking to see what's up with someone. And when taken to the extreme, some people slip into catatonia staring at the screen 24/7 and become fully-pledged anti-socials (aren't these friendship network sites supposed to be for socializing to begin with???) I have become a wee bit cynical about this whole thing myself -- not until tonight. I'm miles away from some people I treasure the most.  And I'm also decades away from my past (where at some point I have met and shared good memories with some folks I have recently been reunited with in Friendster).  I realized, Friendster has made the world smaller for me. 

        So, because of Friendster, I feel close to my friends and family back home despite the distance. I am not very "skilled" at keeping in touch with each one regularly (busy...or lazy, you decide).  Nonetheless, I still feel like I'm there, witnessing every important moment and learning about each new thing that is going on.  Seeing couples getting married, babies being born, kids getting taller, people celebrating birthdays, friends travelling far and wide........

        Perhaps that's why I go into Friendster a lot.  I am visible and active in this virtual world, blogging and posting pictures, so that you, my dear friends (those who made it to my circle of trust) and those of you, welcome bystanders (who care enough to bother looking at my posts) can likewise witness what's going on in my life even if I'm continents away -- no stalkers though, please! *LOL*  This is my own little way --most of the time, the best I can do-- of keeping in touch.  Caring is a two-way thing.  I realize we shouldn't just say "how are you?"...we might also want to share what's going on in our life to those who care about us.  After all, don't we bother to find out what's going on with those we love in order to receive some kind of peace in our hearts?

        So, if used for the right purpose and intention, maybe Friendster isn't really a waste of time after all.  Tonight, I saw my friends and family smiling in their pictures, even those I don't actually write or talk to.  I got a glimpse of their lives and saw how God is blessing them in many different ways. Thank you, Lord, for each one.

        *YAWN*

        I can now sleep with peace in my heart.  Til my next post...Goodnight!

Happy New Year!!!

Just wanna share my favorite song as I ring in 2007...HAVE A GREAT YEAR, EVERYONE!!!     I'd Like To Teach the World To Sing    
(In Perfect Harmony)
The New Seekers

I'd like to build the world a home And furnish it with love Grow apple trees and honey bees and snow-white turtle doves I'd like to teach the world to sing In perfect harmony I'd like to hold it in my arms and keep it company I'd like to see the world for once All standing hand in hand And hear them echo through the hills "Ah, peace throughout the land" (That's the song I hear) I'd like to teach the world to sing (that the world sings today) In perfect harmony (Lead singer and background singers singing simultaneously) I'd like to teach the world to sing In perfect harmony Id like to build the world a home And furnish it with love Grow apple trees and honey bees and snow-white turtle doves Click here to listen

Hanging Up

Hanging Up is one of my favorite movies. I remember crying buckets as I related to Meg Ryan's character, one of three sisters who had varied personalities, lifestyles and views about the world and life.  They had different coping mechanisms and approaches to living.  In a nutshell, she was holding it all together, keeping all the balls up in the air, and was quite engulfed by some kind of messianic complex especially when it involves her sisters and family.  At some point, it was the movie of my life. I owned it. And I learned a lot from it. It's about realizing that it's not a sin to "hang up" (like on the phone) when things get too overwhelming, especially when other people don't (or can't for some reasons) cooperate. It preserves you.

On my birthday, my cousin gave me a DVD of the movie and I kept saying how I resonate to Meg's sentiments.  And she said, "I don't see you as her, I see you as her sister."

Good point.  I'm not her.  Anymore.  Yes, back then when the movie came out, that was the movie of my life.  I learned a lot from it.  And because of it, learned to hang up. I have evolved as all people do.  We change through the years, adjusting our sails according to the winds of our experiences. Sometimes, we come out weaker, sometimes, stronger.  And what we are now is different from what we still will be.  It's a mix of choices and consequences. And it's a lifelong process.

Through the years, I have evolved. In fact, I think I've overdone it.  I still cried watching the movie years after, but more over the recollection of that feeling from the past --invoking old thoughts and emotions to surface, and not from the recognition of it's parallelism to my present. Maybe I have been burnt out too much before. I've actually learned the skill of closing my lines pretty well when I need to protect or collect myself.  And I'm not sure if it's good or bad now.  It's kind of selfish sometimes.  Have I closed a gate that I shouldn't have? Have I turned into a dense monster now?  But one thing I know, I'm a lot saner now. Less neurotic actually. And there's less drama in my life.  It's all a joyful ride despite bumps and potholes.  Loving my family with a healthy mind and heart, accepting my limitations while exhausting my capabilities, coping with the physical distance from them with a big sense of adventure and passion for living, embracing each moment with grace and acceptance of God's will, and touching people now as a whole person, and in a happy and cheerful way.  Well, as long as I don't keep overdoing it...I mean the hanging up part.  Please keep reminding me.

Holiday Rush

That's about it!  I'm done with Christmas shopping, mailing my cards (weeks ago), cleaning up, doing the laundry, finalizing our schedule from Christmas eve til Christmas night, and calling my family back home.  I'm done wrapping all the presents. Let me see what else there is to do.  Oh, take a shower (after writing this, because blogging relaxes me haha), clean the bathroom, change the sheets, buy breakfast food for the whole week from the supermarket, and do my manicure and curl my hair for tonight's Christmas Eve mass.  Thank God for ready-made store food too, I'm going to pick that up for the potluck party tomorrow, hahaha.


It's tiring just going through all these.  And guess what! I've got diarrhea, my left eye is swollen from my hubby punching me (kidding...I think it's an ant bite or something), my right ear is swollen from my cartilage diamond earring that got displaced when I bumped my head somewhere (duh!) -- so I guess, I have to kiss this extra earring goodbye forever, my left wrist is messed up ---must have been from lugging those shopping bags around, and my fingers are stiff and painful from the cold. I'm not exaggerating !!!  My hubby says in Aldred lingo "Man, you're hella f*cked up!" while his problem of the moment is having a hard time telling if what Andrea Bocelli's singing on TV is in spanish or italian. Hello.


Oh, I haven't gone through the mail yet (America wastes so much paper on these things --poor trees!) . And don't forget, bills to be paid!!! Christmas leaves a big dent on the budget. I remember last year when I wanted to give herb and flower pots for Christmas. I tried growing them, but they never sprouted in time, LOL.  I don't have a green thumb to begin with. This year, none of my money-saving techniques worked too.  If only we can load kiss credits on gift cards, give hugs wrapped in japanese paper and packed in colorful boxes, and seal lots and lots of love in huge cookie jars.


Next week, we have two weddings to go to (one invitation was written in spanish!) and a cocktail event on New Year's Eve. I haven't bought the wedding presents yet.  And I don't even know if I can still squeeze myself into the formal dresses I currently have.  Well, no one can help me in that department, huh! I hope my diarrhea persists then.


Aaaargh! The holidays.  It's driving me NUTS! ChestNUTS...how apt...Chestnuts roasting on an open fire......Oh no, I'm singing now! No matter what, it is still the happiest and indeed, the most wonderful time of the year.




MERRY CHRISTMAS, EVERYONE!!!

Best Birthday Gift evah!!!

Venue: Cache Creek

Date: December 16, 2006

Time: Around 8pm

Al took me out for a humongous buffet and some gambling at the slot machines for my birthday.  The front guard asked for my ID before letting me into the casino.  He thought I was a minor!!!

I got carded on my 34th birthday! WOOHOO!!!

The Jets

What title should I give this blog? Beats the hell out of me. Hahaha. So okay, The Jets it is. Unless you come up with something better.

It's past midnight and my hubby and I just got home! Weehee!!!  We've always been out lately.  For some reason it feels like we're boyfriend-girlfriend again -- except for some weight gain and occasional body aches (dang, are we getting old!!!).  He played softball (which I couldn't bear to watch now because it gets too cold out there already -- how could these guys keep on playing without freezing up on the field?!?) and so I went out shopping with my cousin Ate Shelly and my friend, Flo.  On the way home, Al let me listen to the new songs his co-worker uploaded on his iPod, stuff I didn't have in mine.  He's got some 80's music that totally waxed me nostalgic for a minute...Boy George and the Culture Club, Debbie Gibson, The JJ Fad (remember Supersonic?).  What else do you remember? Then I found The Jets' "Make It Real" and started singing out loud. HE STARTED SINGING WITH ME -- something you wouldn't get often, hahaha...never mind the off-keyness of it all (either he's actually just second-voicing or he's really just cut out for rap). LOL. Then he started changing the lyrics and making fun of me in the words and that made me sing louder to drown his voice, which ofcourse made him sing even louder.  We kept doing it to each other until it felt like our eardrums were gonna break and the car was gonna get sick of us, throw up and shoot us out in the middle of the freeway.

It's one of those moments that some feel-good movies are made of.  And I won't forget it. We're really moving on.  We will never forget the son we lost, nor the day we lost him. But at least we're not dwelling in the bottom anymore.  Life goes on.   

And I still don't know what title to give this blog.

Advanced Merry Christmas, everyone! Life is good, isn't it?

Oh well...

        My aunt and cousin visited someone who recently gave birth.  Looking at the baby, they remembered me and my little Cody, and perhaps been touched by the irony of life during that moment.  Someone's getting born, someone's dying.  It's just the balance of life.  The cosmic equation of the universe to equalize humanity. No, it's God's will. He has a purpose for these things, some are really just beyond human comprehension.

        Anyway, here's the real puzzling thing about human existence.  My hubby just called to say that someone he knew made his girlfriend undergo an abortion last Thursday.  You actively kill someone you don't want...while someone, who other people want so badly to survive, simply dies...

People. I mean...Life!

How did you know, Dad?

        Last night, my dad sent me a text message from the Philippines.  He said, "Natatanggap ko message mo buti naman enjoy ka siguro ginagawa mo rin dyan kahit nag-iisa tambay lang sa kapehan enjoy na kagaya Daddy mababaw kaligayahan. Mis u na. Labs ingat." (I receive your messages, it's good that you're enjoying.  What you might also be doing there is hanging out at a coffee shop even just by yourself, enjoying it just like Daddy, so easy to please. Miss you already. Luv u and take care.)

        Awww! How did you know, Daddy?

      It rings a marvelous truth that only this special paternal connection bears witness to.  Despite the distance and time difference, I know that Daddy and I are doing quite the same things. This is the unbreakable and mystical bond that holds our hearts together.

        I sit alone inside Seattle's Best at the Westfield Center Mall in San Francisco, sipping my tall hot Classic Mocha (decaf, non-fat and without whipped cream), reading a book, or watching people, eavesdropping at conversations, looking far away, taking my time, contemplating about life, and finding joy in many things, including that moment. 

        And he sits alone inside Starbuck's Coffee at Shoemart in Batangas City, sipping his tall hot Cafe Americano (no cream but with lots of sugar), watching people, eavesdropping at conversations, looking far away, taking his time, contemplating about life, and finding joy in many things, including that moment.

        Mababaw ang kaligayahan.  Yes, that's my Daddy.  He is so easy to please.  His way of thinking and behaving seem to be so uncomplicated (but who really knows what goes on inside?). No matter what, everything comes out all ironed out already, scratch and wrinkle-free.  What comes out is some deep, honest-to-goodness wisdom and shall I say humor about even life's most difficult tests.  So easy.  He is so undemanding about life.  He finds joy and greatness in the simplest of things.

        My dad and I both like to sketch and draw, be quiet in our caves when we feel like it, be goofy and funny and laugh all we can with people when we want to.  We play the piano, we like driving around, we like taking pictures, we are both organized with our things and files, we both enjoy Do-It-Yourself stuff.  We both like to read minds and observe people. We like watching movies on TV and every food seems to be our favorite one (and did I mention the beer?). We're both patient, calm and trusting our lives to God in a very giving way.

        So, I'd like to believe that our likeness doesn't stop at drinking coffee. 

        After all, I'm a chip off the old block, or at least I'm trying my best to be.  There is still so much to emulate about Daddy.  This one though..."Mababaw ang kaligayahan" (and reaping all the benefits that come with it)...I might as well say now, like daddy, like me.

All in a Snap

        I went downtown yesterday, walking about one of my favorite spots -- Powell St. and Fifth and Mission -- where I usually enjoy some alone time, going around by myself, shopping or just people-watching. There I was walking by Bloomingdales, feeling cute and sexy wearing a leather jacket, a miniskirt and workin' it with my high go-go boots. Then it dawned on me, the last time I trodded the same path just a little more than three weeks ago, I was in maternity clothes, a hopeful mommy who was halfway through her pregnancy.  I sure luv dressin' me up but I certainly would choose the maternity stuff over anything else right now.  Oh well. 

        Things have changed so suddenly.  In a snap, my world is back to how it used to be. Not that I detest it. It's just that so much has happened in my life lately, between the shocking and the miserable, that half the time now I still don't know where my head is.

        Life's like that.  It's full of surprises, just when we think we have achieved some kind of balance and stability at some point.  Good or bad, changes are certain. Things can do 180-degree turns all in a snap . And they usually catch us offguard.  We've got to treasure each day and savor the moment while it happens.

        Everyday is a gift.  That's why we should never throw it away.

Happy Anniversary!!!

You are my beginning and my end.

You are my dream and my reality.

You are the love of my life...

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY TO THE MAN WHO SPOILS ME ROTTEN!

I love you, Mahal!

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