A Reason, A Season, A Lifetime

My heart was still reveling in the joyous moment of finding Eve and Caroline on Facebook when another pleasant surprise came escorted by a soft digital beep on my phone which I’m now slowly getting used to. You see, I just recently downloaded the Yahoo messenger app on my iPhone for the sole purpose of being able to chat with my mom whose online presence continues to spread as her newly found internet skills develop. It has been about 4 years since I practically stopped chatting with people, abandoning a used to be over-used account that now lay dormant for years. I was hesitant at first but went ahead anyway. The messenger pulled up an old list of chatmates and usernames of old friends (oh, flood of memories…do little reminders from a certain point in your life do that to you too?) I wanted to see how that app worked and so I clicked on an old acquaintance whose name had the only yellow online dot at that time.

LONGSTORYSHORT,

I was at a Chinese store buying dimsum for our weekend trip downsouth to visit my stepdaughter and her mom, stepdad and lil sis (I always look forward to seeing the entire fam), when I got a response on my YM. MERVIN.

MERV… Aaah, life!

It brought a smile to my face. An old friend. You know, like one of those people who become significant for a VERY “short” period of time in your life — short, because you mutually don’t really have that much to hold on to in order for things to stay as is.  The kind of person who is suddenly there, and also suddenly not there but parting doesn’t really weigh you down and you don’t cling to it as if you want to live the moments over and over. Instead, you tuck it in a compartment in your heart labeled “Happy Memory” (or “Growth” whichever applies) and you don’t care if it remains sealed forever, and you don’t even remember it unless triggered by very scarce reminders. Yes, that’s the kind of person I’m talking about…the one who visits and leaves a mark — oftentimes a big change— in your life. But then you both find yourselves saying, “Bye, see you when I see you. Maybe, maybe not. Have a good life.” You’re grateful, and really really mean well.

Remember that cliche? People come into our lives for a Reason, or a Season, or a Lifetime. Merv helped me my find myself during a tumultuous time when I was a bored and unhappy prisoner of a 6-year dragging, stagnant and fruitless relationship — and didn’t even know it [REASON]. (One time, sitting across me on the table, he even picked up two pencils and showed me a very animated point — see I can’t even remember the details!) But eversince then, I knew I have recollected myself, realizing that my happiness must depend on no one, and then moving on with my life armed with the strength that I found and exactly needed. That didn’t lead to me finding the perfect answers right away. It was a mistake after another [SEASONS]. But at least I moved. His words? Or his presence?  I just needed that one person to pull me out of the rut and make me do the ever-proverbial leap of faith. Wherever it was going to take me.

And now almost a decade later, here we are. He barraged me with questions: How are you??? Where are you? What do you do now? My first answer, “Very happily married.” And he said the same thing. Happily married with two very cute babies. He proudly sent me a link to his family photos, and I also proudly sent him mine.

But tomorrow is another day. I don’t find the need to keep in touch. (The mission had been fulfilled — my iPhone YM app works! Yippy for me!) And I’m sure he won’t either. We’ll go on with our own lives again, that’s for sure. Happy and busy with our own good lives, destinies, and the two very special people we chose for our own LIFETIME. His spouse and mine!



http://teacher-c.blog.friendster.com/2005/11/happy-thoughts/

Eve and Caroline

I can’t begin to tell you how happy I am. If there is one good thing that Facebook has done for me personally, I will say that it happened today. I was reunited with two special girls in my life. Two students who tried me out of my wits as a teacher some years ago, but gave me the best feelings at the end of each class day. Two girls who touched me in so many ways you can never imagine (“Teacher Clarisse, I love you more than you love me!”), escaped with me to the wonderland that was paradise for the child in me — dancing with fireflies when all we had were yellow paper dots tied to our fingers with strings and the classroom CD player. They laughed with me, cried with me, whispered little secrets in my ear. And hugged me like I was the most important person in the world — when truthfully, they were the most important people in the world, to me. So many years have passed…has it been 7 years? I’ve always wondered how they’ve been, with us spread out in our different corners of the world. Today, I got my answers. Oh how much they’ve grown! I reveled in new photos and now await more stories of their adventures following the ones we started in Kindergarten.

Eve, Caroline, this gratitude journal entry is for you!!!

My Parents

MY PARENTS.

I’m happy to receive an emailed scan of the Lifestyle page from the Philippine Daily Inquirer. It’s a pleasant surprise to see my parents’ photos from a benefit. And an uncle, an auntie and some cousins there. I’m just happy to see them. Or am I grateful that they have some worthwhile activities to distract them from the unspeakable sadness brought about by us children being too far away? I hate it when an acerbic thought like that bursts my bubble, especially since my heart is always at two places at one time and my body can’t physically fulfill it. If it is only feasible, I’ll do so in a heartbeat. Everyday. So meanwhile, let me rest in the thought that I’m happy and thankful to see my folks in the papers. Although nothing beats being physically there FOR them as they grow older. (Uh-oh, here it comes again!!!)

Okay, I’ll stop right now and just bask in the moment….the “kewlness” of it. =)

Jan 25 - Monday "Karma"

FROM http://marieclarisse.tumblr.com

Karma. It’s such a strong truth (aren’t all truths strong?) that I believe in. Not exactly in the line of punishment or retribution but simply as an “extended expression or consequence of natural acts.” From what I picked up in Wikipedia: “Karma means deed or act and more broadly names the universal principle of cause and effect, action and reaction that governs all life.

What goes around comes around.

But why am I putting this in my gratitude journal? Am I thankful for the recent news about how some people (who caused us pain) faced their own karma lately? Is this me having the last laugh after all the mental anguish we’ve gone through? Is it seeing what I knew was definitely coming? The climax to the movie that I said at one point I wanted to enjoy with a bucket of buttered popcorn? The proverbial part where the evil-doer is humbled?

NO. I’m just thankful to be reminded of this truth that keeps my soul in check.

But I must admit that I have mixed feelings about it. I’m not a hypocrite to deny that it feels nice (I’m only human), but then my heart also feels a little sorry. Besides, nothing is officially over for as long as the wheel of life keeps turning. Sometimes we’re up there, sometimes we take an unforeseen vertical drop to the abyss.

God’s Hand touches us and moves us back to the right path when we get derailed — IN SO MANY MYSTERIOUS WAYS! Sometimes it hurts, but it is imperative. I’ve seen it happen at one point in my life and I’ve paid my dues. If you’re a New Age believer, it is the universe’s way of purifying and perfecting you. But, hey, it’s the same thing, don’t you think? Just a different language. God has a way of teaching us lessons. He has a way of balancing life. He will keep our feet on the ground each time we need it and He will teach us how to be humble, how to love, share and understand, how to stand up for peace, how to work harder in order to achieve or own something…and how not to be slothful nor greedy when you have it.

I’ll be afraid for those who will seek not to be fair and those who will do others wrong because one day, the proverbial lesson that’s bound to come…will come in a gruesome package. It’s a fact of life. We get what we deserve. Even pencils get sharpened when they’re dull.

And the epic challenge is…that rule definitely applies to me.

Boy, ain’t that scary? 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Lord Jesus, teach me to be generous;
teach me to serve you as you deserve,
to give and not to count the cost,
to fight and not to heed the wounds,
to toil and not to seek for rest,
to labor and not to seek reward,
except that of knowing that I do your will.

-St. Ignatius of Loyola

Bayang Magiliw

The 16^th of January has always been significant in my childhood. It meant the Town Fiesta. It meant food and family and friends and tons of fun.

Today, I celebrated my 4^th one that’s entirely different from the fiestas I’ve known. Close, but not quite. But I’m thankful that even if I’m miles away, I am able to enjoy the day as – by habit and tradition – I should.

I am thankful for the chance to sing the Philippine National Anthem (“Lupang Hinirang”) again with my right hand on my chest. Funny how each rare opportunity to sing it causes tears to well up now. When this is easily taken for granted back home…in schools, government offices or over the radio. Because it is played everyday, perhaps? Maybe because we don’t cherish what we have until the privilege is taken away. I’ll wait for the next Manny Paquiao match and once again sing it with a passion. Sometimes though, I still sing it inside my head. Sometimes in my heart. I just don’t want to forget the lyrics.

It’s amazing isn’t it? Each of us always tries to bring a little piece of home anywhere we go in this world. A movie DVD, some songs in our mother tongue, a hot aromatic pot of some dish we grew up having. Most of the time, we try to put these million little pieces together in order to recreate our lives as one people away from our motherland…oh the million parties and the celebrations! We try as much as we can to preserve the culture and our faith.  And so our roots will remain known and never forgotten, especially by the succeeding generations who no longer had the chance to experience what it was actually like.

But I am sure, these little pieces of home in our hearts are really solely meant for our own selves, so we can go on with our lives away from the home that we know, and in the way that we know best.

  

PS.

http://teacher-c.blog.friendster.com/2007/01/happy-fiesta/ (an article I wrote for the 2007 souvenir program)

"Leopard"

- last week at Coffee, Anyone? --

 

I know that the mysterious color game which pervaded women's Facebook profiles recently has raised a lot of issues. There was a message being passed around women's inboxes to post the color of their bra on the profile sans any explanation, raising the curiousity of the male population and the rest of the clueless.

The sexual innuendo was apparent, but it is actually meant to raise breast cancer awareness, so they say.

What's my take on this?

I hear Machiavelli whispering to me. "THE END JUSTIFIES THE MEANS."

Really?

That is, if you didn't miss the point of it all and have conscientiously launched thyself on a routinary self-check while you were at it. After all, it is what the game was supposed to remind us all as soon as the message hit our inboxes. If only there was an extra line on the message enjoining us to a worldwide self-exam project. I hope you didn't miss the point.

Early detection is the key, so please do your homework if you haven't yet. This is one of the causes that I feel so strongly about, regardless of the kind of publicity gimmick it takes.  It's a long story.

But now you know what I was wearing two days ago. And that I've done my homework.

Have you?

The One

What am I doing with yet another blogsite?

The news is...this is probably gonna be the last one I'll be putting up in a long, long time. I'm not going anywhere! I just believe that I have finally found THE ONE, the ever-proverbial "The One" that suits me and the vision I have for my blogging career path. It's almost tantamount to something I can marry and stick with for life.

Why?

First of all, I'm thinking of retiring my blogsite hosted by Friendster because I'm seriously contemplating on deleting my Friendster profile. Maybe, maybe not. I aim to stick to a single networking site as much as possible and Facebook pretty much answers all my networking needs, including keeping in touch with my friends. I might try and import my original blog contents here, but I'm not sure yet because my being so crazy sentimental is seriously getting in the way. That blogsite and I go along way...like 2005, way before most people jumped into the blogging bandwagon. That's also the only site I have that's squeaky clean, and I mean non-monetized, tag-free, award-free and ad-free too. I don't sell anything there, and the links are carefully chosen by me as necessary to the post, and not because some company wants me to mention it.

I'm liking it here in my new home (it makes me feel less of a gypsy now). And it feels right. Aaaah, the one...

This will be the portal for all my public spaces on the web. I'm happy with how it looks. This is my second time to utilize a template from Falcon Hive (he/she always nails it for me), and my 6th on the Blogger platform. My 2nd own domain.

I must admit...I’m absolutely embarassed by some of my blogsites because they are monetized —so you’ll see ads, product reviews and forced URL links strewn around including on my supposedly “sincerely written” posts (but don’t worry I’m still far from selling my soul, plus they rake in the moolah so I can’t complain about this no-brainer side job, really). If you're curious, check the right side of this site, I have painstakingly listed all my sites down on the side bar. A few of them might come across as narcissistic for you (ouch!), but seriously, who doesn't blog these days? And let me tell you this. I need them. I need to express myself in so many different ways because of my artistic nature. And it's almost therapy for me because it helps me sort through so many things and experiences, put things on perspective and just embrace life -- imperfections and all. I need it too because I yearn to share my experiences with you hoping that one day, there is one soul out there who will pick up something good, and what he needed exactly.

I’m still in the process of tweaking this site here and there. But I promise you that this is going to be clean, hopefully delivering only the vision, no less. Which is…which is…uhm, I’m still thinking-rethinking the process. (Well, maybe some Amazon Affiliate badges on the side won’t hurt…and some Google Adsense banners --Ad’cents’ is a better name for it, if you ask me). Not even. No paid links or entries for sure.

Woohoo!!!

Come back here for some inspiration fill once in a while. Because I'm hoping to offer that exactly!

Under One Roof

The actual date of this post is 10/11/10. Not 01/01/10. But I had to position this here because every post preceding this is actually imported from my first blogsite, my first home, "THOUGHTS AT 3AM" in Friendster which eventually became "TIL THE CRACK OF DAWN" (sort of like a face lift I toyed with when Friendster moved it to Wordpress)...

That site is (or was -- depends on when you read this) co-terminus with my Friendster account which I'm about to delete this Halloween. I am in the process of purging my social network sites because I want to stick to one. Friendster became a redundancy, so to speak, and I just hate the thought of information and photos laying around on something idle and out there and just isn't useful anymore, except for occasional blogging which also became scarce through time.

But I can't bury my memories in my Friendster blog to forgottendom if I let Friendster go! After all, it was my first online journal and the journey goes back to 2005!

I'm sentimental, and waxing nostalgic a hell lot...

WHAT A JOURNEY IT HAS BEEN!!!

I can't expound further. You can read deeper if you want to.

I'm just sayin'.



Well, from this date backward lies a 5-year memorabilia (no, it's not a grave!) of my first blogsite, made possible by an angel named Kaye (http://wahmaholic.com) who imported the entries for me because I didn't have the time. She also made sure the comments and photos came with them. Post after post after post.


Finally, my thoughts are under one roof.

So....

In memory of my first "home".

(click on the button, if it still works, then that means I haven't had the heart to extinguish my Friendster account just yet, if it doesn't work anymore, then I have truly made that leap!)

Good night, Thoughts at 3am. Good night, Til the Crack of Dawn. Good night.

Happy 2010!!!

 

My Personal Random Thanks from 2009 (not in any particular order):

• Hubby


• My preggo sistah and the baby girl arriving in a few days!


• My mom and dad’s steady health


• My writing side jobs, however teensy (woohoo!!!) —and the income that afforded us some caprices


• A full-time job that I love and loves me back, I hope (I love it, luvet-luvetttttt!!!)


• Dancing in the hula show on May ‘09 (Halau Makana’s Annual Ho’ike — I miss you guys!!!)


• Dancing hula at the 4th of July Parade in Alameda. Mahalo, Kumu Lani!


• Manny Pacquiao winning over Cotto (I still can’t get over it!)


• My two CHANEL bags (yeah yeah, my only expensive whim! Lil miss Chanelophile fever — every woman’s gotta have somethin’, right?)


• The joys of painting with coffee and wine, will I ever be THE ORGANIC ARTIST? http://bistrodelarte.wordpress.com (In my dreams…)


• New found friends and newly made friends through the convenience of Facebook (seriously…)


• The 60 million parties that wore me down, but scored high on joy points!!!


• My crazy-as-me co-workers especially Monica who feeds me like there’s no tomorrow.  No, she deserves her own bullet, so here…


• Monica (HAHAHA)


• and all the Friday ham or sausage and cheese muffins and everything-in-there low sugar smoothies she’s made for me


• A mini-reunion seeing my dad’s brothers who visited from PI and the rest of the clan at cousin Joel’s place at Rancho Palos Verdes in November


• Amazon.com (just because!)


• Christmas Eve in our house with the family


• Thanksgiving at The Party Central


• My Crayola Glow Station!!!


• losing 2 pounds (yeah, that MUST count!)


• My parents’ Vonage phone


• My parents’ household staff


• Our trips to LA to visit my stepdaughter


• and the food trips on the side


• The Food Network


• Criminal Minds (CBS and re-runs at A&E)


• Michael Jackson, but I didn’t want him to die =(


• bowls of Chicken Macaroni soup on cold nights


• Bellagio Cherry Sipping Chocolate


• Kikkoman Soy Sauce (for my sushi) and the Kikkoman Company (because it’s a hand that feeds me)


• Walgreens


• Walmart


• A fab (eureka!) haircut chopping my unruly lengths off sometime in October — which reminds me, I need to go back to the salon already, like, yesterday.


• visits to the city (gotta luv SF!)


• My Kindle 2 (ooops, just practicing! I don’t have one yet hahaha) I wish, I wish…creating a vision of me holding one, using one and thanking for one! LOL


• Okay, the Kindle app on my iPhone


• and okay, my iPhone


• Hubby and his friend catering at their company picnic, barbecue galore


• and me winning the raffle at the picnic— iPod Nano!!!


• celebrating our 6th wedding anniversary


• celebrating it with Janice and John after bumping into them at church in Pinole (what joy!)


• some fun time with nephews and nieces


• SUMMER — all of it!!!


• Seeing my cousins who visited from PI, Spring of 09 — and them spending the night at our house


• Seeing my cousins who visited from LA, — and them spending the night at our house. Joy and fam from Sesame St.


• planning out my stepdaughter’s college plans with her mom and stepdad


• Rosales Cousins, Inc. and Party Central peeps


• our fresh Christmas tree and the photocards we received this year


• Milo, for keeping my parents company and watching over them (oh, he’s a dog, but he thinks he’s human)


• For the lives of the precious people who passed on in our family/families. I wish they could stay with us longer, but I’m grateful that they have lived good meaningful and beautiful lives


• being able to wean and pull away from coffee (not necessarily all things caffeinated, but yes, coffee!) at long last!!!


• Problem-free mammogram results sometime in July? (you have no idea what terrible things the anxiety did to me)


• my EeePC though it’s not necessarily the most perfect thing


• phone conversations with Daddy


• phone conversations with Mommy


• phone conversations with my stepdaughter Alyssa


• My sister being able to travel and visit my folks all the time


• Her loving and understanding hubby, RJ


• My other bro-in-law Roy who’s being such a good brother and buddy to hubby


• The joys of blogging


• Baby Amelia Grace


• Oil of Olay


• my everyday ocean views of the sunset


• my water jug at work


• the dental floss


• seeing my friend Reagan sing in a concert


• hubby’s cousin Peewee, the commercial flight pilot who brought things back and forth PI for me


• seeing my friends’ News Feed on Facebook and resting in the thought that they are doing well in their own lives


• Hubby, oh I said that already.

PLUS 60 MILLION OTHER THINGS I CAN THANK GOD FOR (GIVEN MORE TIME TO WRITE THIS).

LIFE IS GOOD, NO MATTER WHAT TRIALS WE GO THROUGH.

LIFE IS GOOD. PERIOD.

HAVE A GREAT 2010, Y’ALL. I WISH YOU GOOD THINGS. ONLY GOOD THINGS.

 

Pre-New Year's Eve Thoughts

 

Two days to go and I’m feeling a little blue. Don’t get me wrong! I’m excited for the coming year. But I think I’m having a little separation anxiety with 2009. Not that I’m not willing to move on. There are just some unfinished business which I feel should have been drawn to a close in 2009 at least and never to be carried through the coming of the new year. Hubby’s been having sleepless nights of late. And I mean, waking up in the middle of the night then dozing off only to be roused again at 1 or 2-ish by pained thoughts stirred by the wicked, nosy and malicious beeyatches going so cheap and low, exerting all efforts unearthing skeletons and what nots in order to obliterate blood ties on his side while grooming avaricious morons to further feed the vicious cycle of moronic tendencies vis-a-vis avarice and indolence.  Oops, I said the B and M words. I do not ever want to use those in my whole life because I’m a firm believer that they are very harsh words to brand some co-earthlings with. But apparently, these have risen from being just literary labels and mere products of my hyperactive imagination to real life characters owning up to the title. With bad taste seeping through every pore of their being. Well. I feel sorry for my amore. A few more miles and I’ll sue for mental anguish. Just kidding. I just want peace, period. Peace of mind. Peace for all. Tell me if I’m wrong, but I know for sure this peace I’m talking about doesn’t require straight A’s to pull off, eh?

Wisdom, please don’t skitter away into the cracks? Wisdom, please show yourself to those who need you most?

I remember promising I’ll never mention this ever again. But alas, the plot thickens! New things just keep sprouting like random bubbles in a swamp. Alligators and crocodiles under the deep murky waters. Boohoo!

Why…can’t…some…people…just…be…content…with…the…simple…joys…in…life?

So then we don’t end up stepping on each other’s toes or eating each other’s Trapezius fibers? I’m not a perfect soul and the last thing I want is to sound righteous. But it is ONLY common sense, right?

Getting that out before the New Year is good for me. And I am thankful for this opportunity to be able to do so. Har! Har! Probably about how low I must go. That way, I’m welcoming 2010 without the gnashing of teeth and a stomach feeling all knotted up. I wish the same for my beloved, and las antagonistas of the world...

On the bright side…

DO YOU REALIZE THAT IT’S GONNA BE A DECADE SINCE “Y2K”? Ten years since we feared the worst…computers crashing and the whole world crumbling down?

BUT 2010…WE’RE ALIVE! And Facebooking, Tweeting, blogging, iPoding, Kindling, PSPing, DSing, Wii-ing, PS3ing, blogging…facebooking (again)….

Nothing can put my good God down.  And to Thee I trust…

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO Y’ALL!

 

Holiday Rush...and the un...

I was thinking about it on my way to work.

This holiday season isn’t really as stressful and nerve-wracking as it had been for me the past recent years. Is it really less stressful? Or is it…as my dad told me once, that whenever I find myself treating every little difficult thing with ease, it’s not life getting easier, it is me that’s changing, evolving to a higher form and finally adapting. Because anything is possible, so he says, especially when it comes to cruising through and learning how to cope with the intricacies of life. Usually, it is one’s frame of mind that makes things difficult. When you open yourself up to the challenge and tackle it upclose, you master its weakness and then you emerge victorious. Maybe that’s the reason why this holiday rush is so easy peasy lemon squeezy for me this year. I think so.Compared to so many things that transpired this year, I tell you, the holiday rush is NOTHING. 2009: I've seen fire and I've seen rain (as the song goes). I’ve seen crazy, I’ve seen grief. I’ve seen disastrous, I’ve seen bleak. I’ve seen malevolent symphonies of figures dishing out more mental anguish than one could ever handle gracefully —and leaving you bald patches from a syndrome induced by your own understandable inability to tolerate some people’s IQ and EQ — or extreme lack thereof.

“Quod me non necat me fortiorem facit.”

That which does not kill me makes me stronger.

And that which doesn’t stress me out, makes EVERYONE happy! A-huh-ha, huh-ha!!! I just remembered two posts I wrote last year. From “Out of Whack” to “Whoosh!” if I can only find time to dig the individual links for these. The feelings are so different!!! I don’t see me writing about something “Out of Whack” anymore and I’m definitely trekking on cruise speed on the Un-whoosh!

Suffice it to say, I’m on top of things this year. I just got a final word that Christmas Eve dinner will be in our house, and instead of being rattled, we will be whistling through getting the China out (though I hope hubby washes them first), and putting the menu together. Hubby and I are always over the moon everytime his or my family gathers in our humble home. I hope to be able to fit everyone in our house since we are getting bigger in number — and individual sizes too?

What to serve? What to serve?

I’ll keep you posted!



I found the links to the stuff I wrote last year and in 2006/2007! I can't find "Out of Whack" -- maybe it was some other occasion, perhaps? But here are some. Just click on the titles. And 2007. I was straight up in Pluto back in 2007 -- so I had a post-Christmas one!

Whoosh! (12/22/08)

Holiday Stress (12/10/08)

Manigong Bagong Taon (12/28/07)

Holiday Rush (12/24/06)

I'm just glad things seem better this time!!!

28 in my heart...

I just celebrated my birthday. Here's a photo from my birthday dinner with hubby:


Almost a decade ago, I promised myself that I'll be 28 in my heart forever (a decade ago, *hint* *hint*) and I've been able to sail with it for a long time. Somehow, this year, as I evaluate my life, 28 just doesn't cut it anymore. Physically, I've noticed that I've become way older in the past couple of years. Is it my busy life that did it, or is it really just the biological clock hitting me on the face? I see the beginning traces of crow's feet, darker circles around my eyes, cellulite build-up here and there that screams sono bello services, hands which are....just not the hands I used to know. Throw in the intermittent health issues I've faced. Suddenly, I feel like I'm 37!

And it's because I am.

But with all the physical changes, I must say, comes the wisdom from experience. I wouldn't exchange that for anything. I'd like to believe that my soul has grown too. And I'm proud of that aspect of the maturity process.

Do I want to feel 28 (with that fresh outlook and youthful exuberance) in my heart still? Yes. A wise, seasoned, with a soul-beyond-her-years 28-year old. I'll wait til I'm 50. Then I'll refreeze at 35. Then at 70, I'll be 55. As long as I can act...and look the part.

Christmas Shopping - Part Deux

 

If you still don’t believe that heaven answers prayers, then can you explain why on my last three trips to the post office, the rude lady behind the middle counter who I always try to avoid — and seriously hope and pray that my turn doesn’t fall on her lap — hasn’t been there. And those weren’t consecutive days!  Pure luck, perhaps? As if by some cosmic phenomenon influenced by my supersonic allergic reaction to la rude, I had directly caused her disappearance. I can do that to you if you’re bad too, y’know. Just kidding. Is she sick? Not that I miss her. But I hope she’s okay…and has a job. Though I’m thankful that my past three trips had been a breeze. I’m done with all my Christmas mailings. Woot woot!

Next mission: Food.  Check. I enjoyed some nice quality time…a quiet date…with myself, at Burger King, where I stopped to collect myself, sasiate my hunger (of course, you’ll encounter a lot of these in my journal) with a 3-buck meal, and stare at my Christmas list rethinking my game plan. It wasn’t that profound really…I just had to figure out where to go next. And yes, thanks for the little window of quiet time. That made an ocean of difference in my current affairs.

Shopping for presents.  Check.  Now, I’m 98% done with my list. And I’m thankful for Tylenol, which was fundamental in tiding me over the entire shopping trip. I strutted around as if I wasn’t suffering from stiff neck, muscle spasms nor nerves that were going bonkers with a passion.  Hubby even visited me at the store on his way to an errand (he said he wanted to see me and eat with me perhaps but I’ve already eaten, oops too late) but he eventually got bored realizing his obvious lack of purpose and decided to go home — after I insinuated several times that he needed some rest too hahaha, I mean, I really felt so sorry seeing him pretend like a rock perched on a bench in the middle of the women’s section, but yes, I’m very thankful for the gesture!

My parents called to wish me happy birthday too (my birthday - Pinoy time). I’m really touched. I was passed on between mom-dad-mom-dad-mom-dad until they probably got bored with me. Just kidding. I really enjoyed talking to them. My shopping trip was put in pause mode, freezing the whole world if you know what I mean. I sat down — where hubby was pretending to be a rock earlier — with my shopping bags between my knees, next to my butt, strewn on the floor next to my worn-out go-go boots, with my humongous work purse hanging half-heartedly from my left shoulder, holding the phone to my ear with my left hand, clutching my shopping list and a fat pen with my right and tilting my head for no reason…and then, focused on my parents.  My blessings! Having them is the world’s greatest present in the world and I wouldn’t have it any other way. Have a different set, I mean.  My mom reminded me to thank God for my life and told me that they will be holding a simple yet special birthday lunch for me over there as they always do every year — PANCIIIIIT, yeah babeh… My dad, on the other hand, reminded me to have fun and keep the stress down, especially this holiday season. He specifically told me to sit down at Starbucks and just watch people, exactly like how he does it. Yes, Daddy, don’t worry. I’m a lot like you and I just did…at Burger King.

I wasn’t sure if the Tylenol started fizzling out or weariness from lugging those shopping bags around was just getting the better of me so I had to call it a night. 

I’m thankful that I was able to scratch off a lot of stuff from my TO DO list though.

Even if by the last hour, you could have caught me at my all-time-best spaced-out moment: I absent-mindedly lined up for the check-out counter of Old Navy behind three “what-the-heck-is-this-live-person-doing-next-to-us” immobile mannequins. No wonder “my” line wouldn’t budge for a while — duh!

My Gratitude Journal

 

 

I just started a Gratitude Journal.

You may check it out at http://marieclarisse.tumblr.com

I’m only on Day 4 and there isn’t much yet. But it’s amazing how by having a Gratitude Journal, you wake up in the morning and start your day already expecting good things to happen. It’s like you’re launched into the day with a mission to spot and recognize what’s good, no matter how stressful some days could be.

With last night’s Christmas shopping, I am thankful that I can finally feel the spirit of Christmas after being caught up in a flux of ultra-lows caused by I call them two-faced monsters posing as “good” and “wise” but are really out to breed “rapacious imbeciles” out of others…poor thang - pun unintended, and instigate the destruction of yet again, some others. And if that doesn’t sound grim enough, try that with the presence of a two-three-four-faced kiss-toosh whose loyalty is worse than any known polygon in the universe. Poor hubby. But I was raised not to wash dirty linen in public so that’s about everything I’m going to say. I’ll spare you the meandering gory and horrid, nerve-wracking and gut-wrenching details. There’s always a lot of reasons why people do things anyway. Maybe there are some reasons and information that I am just not aware of (so that makes me totally wrong about my feelings on this), OR maybe there are people who are really born that way, with murky souls meant to challenge peace at all times (then with that, I’ll be right about my feelings on this). Well, can’t choose familial affinities (to put that lightly). 

Story of our lives. This is the last time you’ll find me mentioning that.

I just needed that tiny dose of therapy which is a catalyst that brings me to this moment…thank you very much…where I’m officially upping my “gaming skills” to a higher level, and where I, as the main protagonist will be so over the Mushroom Kingdom, leaving flattened Goombas and Koopa Troopas retracting into their shells, surviving the main antagonist Bowser’s forces and so close to rescuing Princess Toadstool (Or Princess Peach — if you still don’t know what I ‘m talking about, then you haven’t played a single Super Mario game in your life, have you?). Despite the advent of PS3s and what nots, I’m still stuck to Mario and Luigi. I digress.

Hubby and I are floating along merrily down river bliss, minding our own affairs and celebrating joy in every little thing that happens.

Like being able to put up our own t-shirt business online — with a promise of more colorful designs and gizmos to come (I’m waiting for Santa Claus to give me that design software I’m wishing for), 

having my writing side job/s — the therapy that pays me (and buys my whims) hahaha,

that pair of tall salt and pepper grinder/shakers that hubby picked instead when I took him out shopping after I received my Christmas bonus and where I had actually expected him to go after outrageously pricey gun parts or some gizmos pertaining to a stereo surround sound system however the geek squad calls it…

Aaron, my co-worker who madly waves goodbye at me every afternoon at the parking lot, with a big smile on his face, and more than half of his huge body sticking out of his tiny car’s window (what a joy to see),

Monica making me a ham, cheese and egg muffin for breakfast this morning as she usually does on Fridays (even if the ham tasted kind of iffy today hahaha),

then my sister soon to give birth in less than a month,

and knowing that my parents are coming over for a visit in a few months! It’s about time to breathe some fresh air — pure, kind, selfless and loving souls, I mean.

I just want to wish everyone a very merry Christmas, holidays filled with love and cheer,

and peace, happiness and gratitude all throughout the coming year.

A Streak of Pleasant Surprises

Hubby and I bumped into one of my old friends from DLSU last night at St. Joseph's Church in Pinole.  We had a long day celebrating our anniversary.  We woke up late for the mass at our parish so we headed straight to Napa Valley to pick up our quarterly rare bottles from the Wine Society in Napa, then proceeded to the Vacaville outlets and I really didn't buy anything. I just wanted to take hubby shopping since I had my Christmas bonus from work last week -- where he ended up, of course, picking only a pair of tall Salt and Pepper Grinder/Shakers from Le Gourmet following a a short stay at Gucci.  Cute, isn't it.  Salt and Pepper from his wish list over a nice leather Gucci wallet. I'm still smiling. Then we didn't want to miss church altogether so we managed to Google a 5:30 pm mass in Pinole on our way back.  Hubby was expecting to bump into old friends from like the 80s who he believes still live in Pinole. Lo and behold, I was the one who bumped into an old friend from the Philippines, from the 90s! I'm just happy to see Janice and her hubby John, who ended up taking us out to a Japanese dinner for our anniversary. And then over at their place for some coffee, Tira Misu, some Christmas music, a warm fireplace, good conversations and a lot of laughter! They made us so happy indeed!

And today, I got a surprise Christmas/Thank you present from a co-worker I least expect anything from.  She said I was a joy to work with!  Thanks, Bobbie! Thanks for appreciating me! You made me so happy about what I do.

When I got home from work, I was able to view the video that my cousin in LA made for all of us cousins who are away from home -- the ancestral house that has witnessed our childhood, and contained the love that nurtured us through the years even until now despite the distance. I wish I can figure out how to share the video here from Facebook.

Such wonderful, big-hearted souls!

This streak of pleasant surprises now leave me with a streak of my own thanks....and thoughts...

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME I MADE

SOMEONE HAPPY?

 

 

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU MADE

SOMEONE HAPPY?

How Not to Burn A Building

NOTE(S) TO SELF:

Remember to unplug that Christmas LED lights series that you have pinned to the highly flammable material of your cubicle wall and strangled your cubicle plant on the other end with -- so you don't end up stressing on the second week to date everytime you reach home and onwards, wondering if your forgetfulness was going to make you end up an arsonist of some sort, setting your entire workplace on fire (all because you want your cube to twinkle in blue, green and purple during the holiday season) and then losing sleep because of an obssessive compulsive desire to dial your own extension at work every hour with the insanity peaking at around 3ish or 4ish in the morning just to check if it still rings (meaning there's a big chance that the building isn't in ashes just yet) and then rising too early to check on the news to make sure that they haven't done a feature on a big Christmaslights-related office fire where you work just yet, and then finally driving to work (too sleepy you'd start another day of forgetting to unplug the lights *and yes,the cycle feeds on itself*) while calling all the saints in heaven hoping NOT to find firetrucks with cute hot men hosing down your workplace when you pull up to the parking lot and praying hard that you won't get in trouble with the boss, the HR or your co-workers who arrive before you do, and who know you enough to religiously remind you every friggin' day to unplug the Christmas LED lights before you go home, which you end up forgetting anyway.

Now they will start wondering why your mobile will set off in a loud "old church bells alarm tone" inappropriately everyday at 4pm.

And don't forget to do the same to your own Christmas tree at home, so you don't end up displaying bizaare trance-like hypnotized behavior in a really super casual conversation all because you are stressing about the same thing -- but this time over your one and only home -- while visiting your in-laws (who, for all you know may have been just polite enough not to say a word about your empty stares nor pry further to find out that it only actually boils down to Christmas light issues). Like last night.

Just a lil note for myself.

'Nuff said.

Random Bullets

How is it possible that last night we couldn't find the garage door opener in my car and I found it inside my purse today -- when I haven't really driven that car for the past couple of days because hubby and I switched cars so I've been driving hubby's car and the last time I was in my car was when hubby was driving it on a trip to the grocery and I was in the passenger seat and didn't have my purse with me -- only my iPhone inside the pocket of my sweater, and we still remember closing the garage door with it.

*Twilight zone!*

Two months without that ever-proverbial cuppa Joe in the morning (and all day)! And I don't feel like I'm missing anything!

*Pat on the back*

One week of meals with no rice (except for that one darn super burrito with chicharrones).

*Another pat on the back*, a huge one!!!

I'm in dire need of a manicure.

I miss Mommy and Daddy to bits!!!!!!

Zero backlog at work.

Cooking Hiananese Chicken tonight? Hmmmmmmm......

I'm getting tired of FaceBook.

Can't wait to go home and play Bejeweled in our PS3. *new addiction*

and yeah,

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY, SESAME STREET!

Awwwww!

Got this email from hubby today. *-*

This is it!

Got any weekend plans? I don't! But I'm hoping to finally see This Is It the film. I'm been longing to see it but hubby's not totally sold yet.  Not because of Michael Jackson, but going to the movies per se.  He loves to stay at home and wait for things to come out on DVD. But I'm still gonna try my best, use my charm, twist his arm, take him by the ear hahaha, to be able to see this.  This is history. Don't you want to be part of it too? (Plus, er, well, uhm, yeah...I'm a fan too)

I'll be the first one to buy it when it comes out on DVD.  Meanwhile, I'd settle for CD.  

 

HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND, Y'ALL! And don't forget to BE IN THE MOMENT!!! 

Think about the This Is It film. While they were rehearsing, they were oblivious to the fact that it was going to be that ONE FINAL SHOW.

 

Life is not a dress rehearsal for

50 something shows in the

future. The present moment

while it happens could be IT!

Let's not throw it away!

Comic Relief

I just realized that greed, sloth and ignorance -- all of these put together in some human beings (add a dash of tattletales), can be one of the most ridiculously entertaining and laughable phenomena ever to occur in the history of mankind.

Bless these hearts!

I can't wait to sit back, relax and watch the circus. *popcorn, please!*

[Laugh] Trip Down Memory Lane

What things Facebook can do! What a laugh trip!!!

Okay, so somewhere back in time, I was with the Performing Arts Foundation - Philippines and last night, I happened to unearth some photos of some mall shows we did and shared them with my homies in FB. It's a chapter of my life that I sorta miss. I still dance and perform once in a while up to this day (despite gaining 20 million pounds), but mostly hula. Which reminds me...gotta get my arse back to the Halau Makana studio soon.

Go ahead and laugh til your sides hurt.

[CLICK ON THE PHOTO]

 

 

Philippians 4:13

This was my Facebook status yesterday:

"Maxed out self-declared 3day weekend: Rodeo Dr lunch w/ a friend (yey Saks5th!), dinner at Carino's,Aj's fieldshow(hot!),dinner w/ FAMILY fr Philippines at Palos Verdes (AWESOME),Buffalo Wild Wings brunch w/ J&P re: Aj's college,Charl's bday dinner at Northridge (Tnx, Claud!) + "dent-n-run" on hub's 330 at the hotel parking lot =( Capped by 11pm flat tire on I-5 (scary!) Worth it! God's good! Gotta get some Zzzs soon."

And so a friend commented that she'd be comatose if she did all those. And asked how I came out of it in one piece.

And so I added,"Philippians 4:13! So tired! I didn't even include the 2 mall trips in between the main stuff. Plus changing clothes (read: "hats") from being tourists in Rodeo Dr. hehe with a long talk exploring business ops with a multi-level marketing representative for beauty stuff (LOL) to devoted parents on the bleachers under the scorching SoCal sun to watch my stepdaughter (Aj) perform in the winterguard with the marching band on the field...from icky sweaty stinky to heels and makeup to see my uncles (dad's 3 brothers) who are vacationing from Philippines at a dinner party with my relatives, then racking our brains the morning after with Aj's mom and stepdad over yummy chicken wings and football while exploring her college options (and funding hehehe), then a birthday dinner for a friend in Northridge -- plus the blown up tire to cap the night. And now at work the morning after..."

And guess what, after work I even went to the grocery to buy fresh meat and vegetables, and I managed to pull off a Beef Curry dish plus some broccoli sauteed in oyster sauce for my hubby and some in-laws who were set to join us for dinner in our house.

 

"I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me."

Philippians 4:13.

Yup! Pretty much!

Starbucks

It's been a year since I wrote directly on this blogsite.  It has been copy-pasting madness since I came up with "Coffee, anyone?" which I intended for paid posts and ads. But in order to neutralize that blog's general tone, I ended up pouring more personal touches there allowing it to evolve into my main site, and with this site being thrown into the back burner, receiving posts -- copy-pasted posts! Poor thang.

It's a blessing in disguise that I am itching to blog and Coffee, anyone? is blocked by the firewall and I am not going to bang my head against it until I can go through (or break my skull, whichever comes first)...or climb over, whichever applies (though none of it really applies *bleh*).

Rustier than ever. I can't even get my words out now. Is it the colossal back pain that has been bothering me since last week? That's what I get for being rusty! I went back to hula class last wednesday after a two-month hiatus and so I managed to come home with the entire backache squad in tow. RUSTY! It's the worst I've had for a long time, radiating to my thighs with horrible pulling sensations they sure felt like rubberbands awaiting that one perfect snap. The good news is, as of this hour, it's been 1.5 days of life for me without Tylenoling.  A wonderful milestone indeed!

Right. I sold my soul to Tylenol for about 5 days. It's not a joke to be walking around, socializing, living your life 24/7 in pain. Even at night, I'd wake up, or rather, my back and legs would wake me up for the next dosing, which would buy me the other half of the night's sleep. I'm getting better now, thank you very much. And out of the dark before I got hooked deeper into it. LOL. And thanks to my hubby who would hold my form in outlandish Pilates moves like he's the meanest Pilates guru of all time (albeit untrained).

Updates...updates.

- I am deeply saddened by the deadly visit of Typhoon "Ondoy" to my kababayans. I wish I can do more from where I am, help out directly through volunteer work and just be there for support. But in my own little way , I am happy that I am able to contribute a little with continuous prayers (and some lunch money...so go figure why I am eating garlic peanuts and juice today *jk*) and help a little by relaying information through Facebook -- a networking site I didn't even want at first! On a lighter note, I dreamed of a big flood and riding a raft ten days before Typhoon Ondoy happened. Which leaves me feeling special and gifted *blush* although I know that it's highly likely just a coincidence, and as random as dreaming about my bathroom tiles getting horribly dirty (if I don't clean them!), of course! *Yes, feel free to click on the links or the photo below if you're feeling kind of snoopy*



- So it's a given fact that I'm not a painkiller addict (yet). But this I gotta tell you...I'm hooked on blogs. Well, not as much as the other people I know! But I have a new baby called BISTRO DE L'ARTE: Wine Flights and Caffeinated Dreams but instead of incoherent verbal diarrhea I usually succumb my readers to, I am coercing the people this time to view my other therapy of choice. Wine and coffee, literally.  But on paper. I was inspired to put up this online portfolio when a kind soul from Facebook encouraged me to join his online talent pool called http://www.phatskills.com -- it's not "fat"skills, crazy! (Thank you, Rocky Nator for all the support!) and so, I needed a portfolio!  Anyhoo, it's a continuous work-in-progress and so am I! Please come and visit once in a while.



And in true Wonder Wifey fashion as always, I'm taking more than I can chew, and chewing more than I can swallow, and swallowing more than I can digest, and digesting more than I can...let's stop there.

My book-writing pursuits were swept on the side following a bereavement in my husband's family (my MIL's passing) and an out-of-this world social calendar that came with it. Okay, that social calendar comes from nothing. It just exists, period. It's a virus that doesn't go away. It doesn't even go away even if I run away from it! Even if I stab it with the H1N1 vaccine repeatedly. Even if I show my morning look to it -- puffy eyes, staticky hair and drool. It will only go away if I turn into a hemit, dragging my husband into the cave with me.

Sorry about that. I just had to do it. I'm sick and tired and clawing for hope.

Tonight, I'm looking forward to some time alone doing usual errands -- bank, drycleaners, grocery, and maybe some shopping on the side, though I doubt it if I can hang considering the residual pain that randomly shoots up like lightning on my lower back and legs.   Hubby's going to be home late so hopefully I'll have some time to paint an artwork for our new hula studio, a present I intend to give to our kumu for the "studio-warming" on Monday.

And this weekend! It's my MIL's 40th Day Prayer Service where a late lunch/early dinner reception will follow. We have family coming. This social calendar...maybe we're stuck to it because there's tons of important people in our lives. Won't we feel sad and desolate with an empty schedule that I sometimes find myself yearning for? Then that means shutting our doors to people, eliminating those who don't mean much to us (but should there be a thin line between those who mean much and those who don't?), building walls, burning bridges...

That doesn't sound right. And that doesn't seem happy at all. What trade-offs! 

I'm just learning to savor the little windows of opportunity to catch my breath and enjoy my little shots of solitude. Maybe tonight, I'll linger a little longer at Starbucks (even if I'm officially 168 hours caffeine-free as of today -- *sigh* some sufferings I subject myself to!) But I'm going to end this post before I start to bombard you with how I coped with my 3-day headache-the-size-of-kingkong-and-lethargic-being-my-favorite-word-I-seriously-wanted-to-shoot-everyone-who-came-near-me-even-my-friend--at-work-who-stepped-in-my-cube-offering-chocolate kind of withdrawal symptoms from caffeine! Ooops I just did.

Alive

Uh-oh, schiz alert. I was kind of feeling sad and downtrodden a while ago (throw in a dash of jitter from that extra cup of joe I shouldn't have patronized), but now I'm all of a sudden feeling high and happy (and no, I didn't have ANY, thank you very much...blogging is still my substance of choice). I actually whistled my way to the kitchen as soon as I got home from work. I pulled out the slab of pork that I had thawing in the refrigerator, which I had zealously moved off the freezer before I took off for work this morning.  Suffice it to say, I've gotten my groove back.  I hope this seals the end of store-bought food which I've mercilessly subjected my household (a.k.a. hubby) to for the past three weeks. This time, he came home to a hot pot of homemade Pork Caldereta (spicy stew), made extra spicy because hubby always goes after the kick, with potatoes made extra soft because that's how he likes them too, and with an eternal spring of scrumptious sauce because he pours that over his steamy rice and sips it like soup sometimes.  Thank goodness we prefer the same stuff.

Life is good. I'm back to the daily grind -- the kind of grind that makes everyone smile.

Oh by the way, here are snippets from my friend's concert last weekend (too bad we couldn't take videos):



And yes, I'm blogging again because I blogged half-heartedly earlier in the day. And THAT AIN'T RIGHT. It's the perfect time to immerse myself back into the normal rhythm of things (the steady click-clack of keys on the  keyboard included) -- as hubby makes some loud and low neanderthal sounds or caveman-ish charades (on instances when he remembers to keep the noise down) while watching Monday Night Football next to me.

“Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.”

Howard Thurman

Still Wordless...kind of.

It's been a rough ride lately, losing two special family members almost simultaneously.

I'll be back blogging "normally" soon. I'm on the road to recovery now. Friday night, hubby and I had dinner at King of Thai. Saturday night, I watched the Oakland East Bay Gay Men's Chorus and the music was awesome, awesome, awesome. Then we went BACK to King of Thai (Holy Crab Fried Rice!) I had my friend Flo spend the night, then we went to Webster Street Jam Sunday. We went there thinking it was the Peanut Butter and Jelly Festival until it dawned on us 60 million minutes into the fair and after scouring a row of booths on one side of the whole Webster stretch and finding not a single peanut butter thingy, that it was no longer...

*duh*

So there. I blogged!

Here are two things to take note of:

 

Yes, I was angry. Not because of important people passing away, but for what some people who were left behind have said. Well, bless their hearts for they don't know any better.

Here's the other one, a better take on letting go...

FOR THE SPECIAL PEOPLE MOMMY REMY (my mother-in-law) and TITA ROSIE (my mom's sister) left behind:

I AM NOT GONE
by Ms. Deejay

I am not gone, do not think of me as underground, unless you see me everywhere.
I have joined each seed that dies to be a flower.
So when you plant your garden in the earth
You might think of me.
In the grave?
I am not there, that is not me!
The seed has burst and I am free.

I am not gone, I am flying into the sun
So when you watch the morning in it’s glory,
The twilight in its quiet beauty
See my wings flash across the sky
And know that I am free.
In the grave?
I am not there, that is not me!
I am touching your face with the sun.

I am not gone, I am drifting to the sea.
So when you walk beside the ocean
By the deep and restless sea, hear the crying of the gulls and think of me.
In the grave?
I am not there, that is not me.
I am playing on the farther shore of the boundless sea.

I am not gone, I am sailing into the wind.
So I shall sigh through your window in summer
And blow leaves around you in autumn.
When the wind kisses your hair with laughter,
you might remember me.
In the grave?
I am not there, that is not me.
I have unfurled my soul to the wind and I am free.

I am not gone
I am tiptoeing into the dark to visit the Moon,
Whispering soft goodbyes, I shall soon fade from sight,
but when the moon lights a path across dark water,
you might think of me.
In the grave?
I am not there, that is not me.
I am sailing with the moon on the breath of forever.

I am not gone, I am dancing in the storm
Laughing with thunder, a lightning leaper.
Now when storms roll in with rumbling and fireworks,
Do not be afraid, just think of me.
In the grave, I am not there, that is not me.
I have danced away in thunder and I am free.

I am not gone,
I am part of forever.
In every season, every birdsong.
In flowers, clouds and each rainbow.
I am part of them, they are part of me.
Do not grieve, only remember.
In the grave?
I am not there, that is not me.
The shell is open, the spirit is free.