Hanging Up

Hanging Up is one of my favorite movies. I remember crying buckets as I related to Meg Ryan's character, one of three sisters who had varied personalities, lifestyles and views about the world and life.  They had different coping mechanisms and approaches to living.  In a nutshell, she was holding it all together, keeping all the balls up in the air, and was quite engulfed by some kind of messianic complex especially when it involves her sisters and family.  At some point, it was the movie of my life. I owned it. And I learned a lot from it. It's about realizing that it's not a sin to "hang up" (like on the phone) when things get too overwhelming, especially when other people don't (or can't for some reasons) cooperate. It preserves you.

On my birthday, my cousin gave me a DVD of the movie and I kept saying how I resonate to Meg's sentiments.  And she said, "I don't see you as her, I see you as her sister."

Good point.  I'm not her.  Anymore.  Yes, back then when the movie came out, that was the movie of my life.  I learned a lot from it.  And because of it, learned to hang up. I have evolved as all people do.  We change through the years, adjusting our sails according to the winds of our experiences. Sometimes, we come out weaker, sometimes, stronger.  And what we are now is different from what we still will be.  It's a mix of choices and consequences. And it's a lifelong process.

Through the years, I have evolved. In fact, I think I've overdone it.  I still cried watching the movie years after, but more over the recollection of that feeling from the past --invoking old thoughts and emotions to surface, and not from the recognition of it's parallelism to my present. Maybe I have been burnt out too much before. I've actually learned the skill of closing my lines pretty well when I need to protect or collect myself.  And I'm not sure if it's good or bad now.  It's kind of selfish sometimes.  Have I closed a gate that I shouldn't have? Have I turned into a dense monster now?  But one thing I know, I'm a lot saner now. Less neurotic actually. And there's less drama in my life.  It's all a joyful ride despite bumps and potholes.  Loving my family with a healthy mind and heart, accepting my limitations while exhausting my capabilities, coping with the physical distance from them with a big sense of adventure and passion for living, embracing each moment with grace and acceptance of God's will, and touching people now as a whole person, and in a happy and cheerful way.  Well, as long as I don't keep overdoing it...I mean the hanging up part.  Please keep reminding me.

Holiday Rush

That's about it!  I'm done with Christmas shopping, mailing my cards (weeks ago), cleaning up, doing the laundry, finalizing our schedule from Christmas eve til Christmas night, and calling my family back home.  I'm done wrapping all the presents. Let me see what else there is to do.  Oh, take a shower (after writing this, because blogging relaxes me haha), clean the bathroom, change the sheets, buy breakfast food for the whole week from the supermarket, and do my manicure and curl my hair for tonight's Christmas Eve mass.  Thank God for ready-made store food too, I'm going to pick that up for the potluck party tomorrow, hahaha.


It's tiring just going through all these.  And guess what! I've got diarrhea, my left eye is swollen from my hubby punching me (kidding...I think it's an ant bite or something), my right ear is swollen from my cartilage diamond earring that got displaced when I bumped my head somewhere (duh!) -- so I guess, I have to kiss this extra earring goodbye forever, my left wrist is messed up ---must have been from lugging those shopping bags around, and my fingers are stiff and painful from the cold. I'm not exaggerating !!!  My hubby says in Aldred lingo "Man, you're hella f*cked up!" while his problem of the moment is having a hard time telling if what Andrea Bocelli's singing on TV is in spanish or italian. Hello.


Oh, I haven't gone through the mail yet (America wastes so much paper on these things --poor trees!) . And don't forget, bills to be paid!!! Christmas leaves a big dent on the budget. I remember last year when I wanted to give herb and flower pots for Christmas. I tried growing them, but they never sprouted in time, LOL.  I don't have a green thumb to begin with. This year, none of my money-saving techniques worked too.  If only we can load kiss credits on gift cards, give hugs wrapped in japanese paper and packed in colorful boxes, and seal lots and lots of love in huge cookie jars.


Next week, we have two weddings to go to (one invitation was written in spanish!) and a cocktail event on New Year's Eve. I haven't bought the wedding presents yet.  And I don't even know if I can still squeeze myself into the formal dresses I currently have.  Well, no one can help me in that department, huh! I hope my diarrhea persists then.


Aaaargh! The holidays.  It's driving me NUTS! ChestNUTS...how apt...Chestnuts roasting on an open fire......Oh no, I'm singing now! No matter what, it is still the happiest and indeed, the most wonderful time of the year.




MERRY CHRISTMAS, EVERYONE!!!

Best Birthday Gift evah!!!

Venue: Cache Creek

Date: December 16, 2006

Time: Around 8pm

Al took me out for a humongous buffet and some gambling at the slot machines for my birthday.  The front guard asked for my ID before letting me into the casino.  He thought I was a minor!!!

I got carded on my 34th birthday! WOOHOO!!!

The Jets

What title should I give this blog? Beats the hell out of me. Hahaha. So okay, The Jets it is. Unless you come up with something better.

It's past midnight and my hubby and I just got home! Weehee!!!  We've always been out lately.  For some reason it feels like we're boyfriend-girlfriend again -- except for some weight gain and occasional body aches (dang, are we getting old!!!).  He played softball (which I couldn't bear to watch now because it gets too cold out there already -- how could these guys keep on playing without freezing up on the field?!?) and so I went out shopping with my cousin Ate Shelly and my friend, Flo.  On the way home, Al let me listen to the new songs his co-worker uploaded on his iPod, stuff I didn't have in mine.  He's got some 80's music that totally waxed me nostalgic for a minute...Boy George and the Culture Club, Debbie Gibson, The JJ Fad (remember Supersonic?).  What else do you remember? Then I found The Jets' "Make It Real" and started singing out loud. HE STARTED SINGING WITH ME -- something you wouldn't get often, hahaha...never mind the off-keyness of it all (either he's actually just second-voicing or he's really just cut out for rap). LOL. Then he started changing the lyrics and making fun of me in the words and that made me sing louder to drown his voice, which ofcourse made him sing even louder.  We kept doing it to each other until it felt like our eardrums were gonna break and the car was gonna get sick of us, throw up and shoot us out in the middle of the freeway.

It's one of those moments that some feel-good movies are made of.  And I won't forget it. We're really moving on.  We will never forget the son we lost, nor the day we lost him. But at least we're not dwelling in the bottom anymore.  Life goes on.   

And I still don't know what title to give this blog.

Advanced Merry Christmas, everyone! Life is good, isn't it?

Oh well...

        My aunt and cousin visited someone who recently gave birth.  Looking at the baby, they remembered me and my little Cody, and perhaps been touched by the irony of life during that moment.  Someone's getting born, someone's dying.  It's just the balance of life.  The cosmic equation of the universe to equalize humanity. No, it's God's will. He has a purpose for these things, some are really just beyond human comprehension.

        Anyway, here's the real puzzling thing about human existence.  My hubby just called to say that someone he knew made his girlfriend undergo an abortion last Thursday.  You actively kill someone you don't want...while someone, who other people want so badly to survive, simply dies...

People. I mean...Life!

How did you know, Dad?

        Last night, my dad sent me a text message from the Philippines.  He said, "Natatanggap ko message mo buti naman enjoy ka siguro ginagawa mo rin dyan kahit nag-iisa tambay lang sa kapehan enjoy na kagaya Daddy mababaw kaligayahan. Mis u na. Labs ingat." (I receive your messages, it's good that you're enjoying.  What you might also be doing there is hanging out at a coffee shop even just by yourself, enjoying it just like Daddy, so easy to please. Miss you already. Luv u and take care.)

        Awww! How did you know, Daddy?

      It rings a marvelous truth that only this special paternal connection bears witness to.  Despite the distance and time difference, I know that Daddy and I are doing quite the same things. This is the unbreakable and mystical bond that holds our hearts together.

        I sit alone inside Seattle's Best at the Westfield Center Mall in San Francisco, sipping my tall hot Classic Mocha (decaf, non-fat and without whipped cream), reading a book, or watching people, eavesdropping at conversations, looking far away, taking my time, contemplating about life, and finding joy in many things, including that moment. 

        And he sits alone inside Starbuck's Coffee at Shoemart in Batangas City, sipping his tall hot Cafe Americano (no cream but with lots of sugar), watching people, eavesdropping at conversations, looking far away, taking his time, contemplating about life, and finding joy in many things, including that moment.

        Mababaw ang kaligayahan.  Yes, that's my Daddy.  He is so easy to please.  His way of thinking and behaving seem to be so uncomplicated (but who really knows what goes on inside?). No matter what, everything comes out all ironed out already, scratch and wrinkle-free.  What comes out is some deep, honest-to-goodness wisdom and shall I say humor about even life's most difficult tests.  So easy.  He is so undemanding about life.  He finds joy and greatness in the simplest of things.

        My dad and I both like to sketch and draw, be quiet in our caves when we feel like it, be goofy and funny and laugh all we can with people when we want to.  We play the piano, we like driving around, we like taking pictures, we are both organized with our things and files, we both enjoy Do-It-Yourself stuff.  We both like to read minds and observe people. We like watching movies on TV and every food seems to be our favorite one (and did I mention the beer?). We're both patient, calm and trusting our lives to God in a very giving way.

        So, I'd like to believe that our likeness doesn't stop at drinking coffee. 

        After all, I'm a chip off the old block, or at least I'm trying my best to be.  There is still so much to emulate about Daddy.  This one though..."Mababaw ang kaligayahan" (and reaping all the benefits that come with it)...I might as well say now, like daddy, like me.

All in a Snap

        I went downtown yesterday, walking about one of my favorite spots -- Powell St. and Fifth and Mission -- where I usually enjoy some alone time, going around by myself, shopping or just people-watching. There I was walking by Bloomingdales, feeling cute and sexy wearing a leather jacket, a miniskirt and workin' it with my high go-go boots. Then it dawned on me, the last time I trodded the same path just a little more than three weeks ago, I was in maternity clothes, a hopeful mommy who was halfway through her pregnancy.  I sure luv dressin' me up but I certainly would choose the maternity stuff over anything else right now.  Oh well. 

        Things have changed so suddenly.  In a snap, my world is back to how it used to be. Not that I detest it. It's just that so much has happened in my life lately, between the shocking and the miserable, that half the time now I still don't know where my head is.

        Life's like that.  It's full of surprises, just when we think we have achieved some kind of balance and stability at some point.  Good or bad, changes are certain. Things can do 180-degree turns all in a snap . And they usually catch us offguard.  We've got to treasure each day and savor the moment while it happens.

        Everyday is a gift.  That's why we should never throw it away.

Happy Anniversary!!!

You are my beginning and my end.

You are my dream and my reality.

You are the love of my life...

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY TO THE MAN WHO SPOILS ME ROTTEN!

I love you, Mahal!

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Prayer for Serenity

God, grant me the serenity to accept things I cannot change,

courage to change the things I can,

and wisdom to know the difference.

Reflection:

Living one day at a time,

Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace

Talking as He did,

This world as it is, not as I would have it.

Trusting that He will make all things right,

If I surrender to His will.

That I will be happy with Him in this life,

and supremely happy with Him forever, in the next

Kate

What are angels and who are they, really? We grew up recognizing them as the white and the winged assistants singing and playing heavenly music up there.  At least I did. But who really knows?  I've heard a dozen times before they can also be people amongst us, roaming this earth, saving people's lives, keeping us from danger and most of the time, just being there way before or right on time, to give what we exactly need.

A year ago, I went to this restaurant/bar called Totem with my friends back home. I'm not very good at recognizing songs or music but I know which stuff I like when I hear it.  They were playing this music that seemed like a cross between hiphop and african dance, something with a very primal beat that really made me smile and want to stand up, beer in hand, and do an air version of what usually is done someplace else (hmmm).  Dancing makes me happy.  Ofourse, I had to ask what it was and found out that the CD belonged to one of the waitresses there.  Her name is Kate.  I asked for her and begged her if I could borrow the CD (after making a copy, ofcourse, LOL) She, who doesn't know me from Adam, and she, who claimed it was a memorable present -- a special CD mix -- from an ex-boyfriend.  She let me borrow it anyway, probably kissing it goodbye thinking at the back of her head that I might never come back at all. I came back after a month and left the CD with her co-worker who informed me that she quit her job only a few days after I borrowed the CD. She knew then that she might never see me again.

Now, on days when I just couldn't seem to rise from the bed, drowning in grief and all the other painful emotions that come with it, I stand up, play Kate's CD and dance around the room while cleaning and doing other chores.  One day, I danced my way to the bathroom to wash my face, and I saw myself in the mirror smiling back at me.  Kate saved my day that time and still continues to do so.  She's one of those angels I'm talking about.

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This makes me think, can we, ourselves, be angels to some people too? Maybe if we pay attention more.  But we'll never know.  God probably sends us on saving missions, touching lives even without us knowing it.  Here are some other angel sightings for me recently:

1. My sisters-in-law, Bingbing and Wena (and the postman who mailed a flyer) - instead of pushing through with our reception for Cody's Memorial Service at this buffet place (which is actually not that nice but we picked anyway due to time constraints), they convinced us to make last minute reservations at this better restaurant that they saw in the flyer and checked out themselves.

2. My gay friend, Mr. R, for calling at the right time when I was in bed contemplating on getting a haircut.  He volunteered to pick me up, take me out to lunch and come with me for that make-over mission.  It pays to have a gay friend explaining to a gay stylist what you exactly need! (Mr. R: "No, I've seen her with short hair, no!")

3.  My cousin, Ate Shelly, who was looking around at Ross when I was thinking of going there or at TJ's to pick up a nice paper-mache box for keeping and putting away all of our Cody memories. We talked on the phone, she saw the boxes I wanted and picked a Winnie the Pooh hat box that we ended up using for the memorial service too.